View Full Version : Powerlifter's Night Before Christmas

12-21-2008, 04:02 PM
Somewhere, sometime, I know that I read a powerlifter's version of the night before Christmas, but after several searches I could not find it. So on a whim I decided to wright my own. If anyone has other versions, post them up as well. It might be some good holiday fun.

Anyway, they guys in my group liked this and insisted I post it up... Hope the rest of you get a chuckle too.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to All


A Powerlifter's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the gym,
Only the PL'rs were stirring – just like it should have been.
The dumbbells were all put in their racks with great care,
(A sure sign the bodybuilders were no longer there.)

The spandex crowd was home all snug in their beds,
While visions of fat-free granola bars danced in their heads.
And me in my Inzer and Dan in his Titan,
Were benching some weights that most folks would frighten.
And Brendo box sqauttin and Rock set to pull,
their backs broad and massive with necks like a bull.

Then out by the dumpster there rose such a ruckus,
than Brendo missed the box and fell flat on his toochis.
The exit door we kicked open with might,
Who the F' was disturbing out workout this night?

The moonlight shone bright on the asphalt outside,
As we dashed to the alley and stopped with a slide.
And what did we behold trudging hard on our way?
But 8 monster behemoths dragging a cast iron sleigh.

The driver was grand. So round and so thick!
Could this be the powerlifter's own special St. Nick?

Now nearer and nearer the behemoths they came.
He lashed out a whip as he called them by name.
On Louie, On Ernie, On Kaz and On Gus!
Yer pullin' like lightweights. Don't make such a fuss!

They leaned on their chains on pulled with such might,
They'd damn sure be getting their GPP in this night.

We stared in delight and made not a sound,
As the sleigh pulled right in and St. Nick hit the ground.
He wore triple-ply canvas of a color so red,
with knee wraps and squat boots; a flame beanie topped head.

With a little goatee and tats cross his back,
He gave a great grunt as he opened his sack.
He tossed out our presents and to our delight,
we knew in an instant that our haul was not light.

A new reverse hyper, and a fine squattin' bar,
And a case of ammonia – as big as a car!

Then back up in his sleigh to his team gave a whistle,
In a flash they were straining, tearing muscle and gristle.
As he flew round the corner, he cried with a roar,
“Now get back to yer training and set a PR!”

Robert Harris
Las Vegas, NV
Dec. 2008

12-21-2008, 04:09 PM
That's great, man! You shoud've entered it in the contest on EFS. Could've won you a free hoodie...really good stuff, man!

12-21-2008, 04:24 PM
Didn't know anything about the contest. Just checked out some of the winners. There's some funny stuff there!

Robert Harris
Las Vegas, NV

Lones Green
12-21-2008, 04:35 PM
mine's the very last one on here:


12-21-2008, 04:44 PM
Wow that totally ROCKED Rob!

Semper Fi

12-21-2008, 04:50 PM
That's awesome!

12-21-2008, 05:11 PM
mine's the very last one on here:



Robert Harris
Las Vegas

12-21-2008, 05:54 PM
That was great, Rob! haha. Id love to read more of these....now im going to go read Lones.

12-21-2008, 06:12 PM
Lol Great job, Lones.

Brian Hopper
12-21-2008, 10:26 PM

12-21-2008, 10:42 PM
Good shiznit!

12-21-2008, 11:13 PM
That might possibly be the greatest thing I have ever read in my life...