View Full Version : You might be a powerlifter if...

07-05-2009, 11:03 AM
You Might be a Powerlifter If:
Posted By: Bill Helmich (c-68-35-156-140.hsd1.nm.comcast.net)
Date: Wednesday, 18 October 2006, at 2:20 p.m.

If you can't count above 5 but can multiply by 45 in your head.........You might be a Powerlifter.
If you think Babypowder on yout thighs and chalk on your hands looks cool...

Whenever a non-PL friend of yours moves house, or needs to move heavy things around the place, you are the FIRST person they call for help !

You think torn track pants, an old, sweaty, filthy t-shirt advertising a garbage company, and SLIPPERS, are perfectly suitable gym attire.

If people at gym tell you someone is looking very 'cut' u think they had a terrible accident in the kitchen

Most people in the gym dont like you

...When the word "gear" refers to squat suits, bench shirts, wraps, belts, suit slippers, salts and chalk, not STEROIDS.

...When you inhale ammonia instead of using it for cleaning.

...When the amount of weight you lift is more important than how cleanly shaven your legs are or how dark your tan is.

You know your a powerlifter when you work a desk during the day and you still have 1/2 inch thick calluses on your hands.

You know your a powerlifter when the gym owner kicks you out for bending yet another bar while squatting.

You are NOT at a powerlifting gym when during your leg routine, you have all the 45's in the gym on your own bar and a bunch of guys are watching you waiting for you to share.

You might be a powerlifter if you check squat depth when using the john....

You might be a powerlifter if ----
The doctor tells you you need more iron in your diet so you throw in an extra set of lock-outs !!!

If you use a 1 kg plate as a paper-weight on your desk at work.......You might be a powerlifter.

If you have baby powder in your gym bag.......You might be a powerlifter.

If you take your weight belt off in between sets or while going to the water fountain or restroom.......you might be a powerlifter.

If you think a 16 oz. steak is a snack to have between meals......you might be a powerlifter.

If it takes 5 seconds for your spirit to re-enter your body after deadlifting.....you might be a powerlifter.

If you think that creatine is a food group....you might be a powerlifter.

If you develop "white lung" from the chalk and babypowder you might be a powerlifter

If you can't understand why college wrestlers wear powerlifting uniforms......you might be a powerlifter.

If you have more garments in your gym bag made of polyester than is worn by the whole crew at McDonald's....You might be a powerlifter.

If you use the handicap stall at a public restroom for the use of the handrails on leg day.....you might be a powerlifter.

If you are annoyed by someone using the power rack for curls, even when the gym is empty.....You might be a powerlifter.

If the greeting "Good Morning" makes your hamstrings and lower back ache......You might be a powerlifter.

If you think of helping your neighbors move their piano as "a set".....You might be a powerlifter.

If you drop something, and go into a sumo stance to pick it up... you may be a powerlifter.

You might be a powerlifting female if all heads turn when you squat.

You might be a powerlifting female if you get more excited over squat shoes and new belt than you do jewelry.

If you think it is cool the Japanese named a national sport after your deadlifting style.....You might be a powerlifter.

If you dismount the toilet like doing box squats (to perfect that explosive power)......You might be a powerlifter.

If you psych up before lifting your laundry basket off the floor......you might be a powerlifter.

If you get accused by Bodybuilders of taking steroids because you're stronger than they are.........you might be a powerlifter.

If you daydream of pushpressing aerobic instructors to see how high they will fly......you might be a powerlifter.

If you have ever used a Home Depot card to purchase "training equipment", you might be a powerlifter.

you may be a petty teeny bopper bodybuilder that doesn't compete if:

you asume all powerlifters are fat

you think bodybuilders are stronger then powerlifters, failing to realise you are ******ed

you think no powerlifter is strong raw at all, failing to realise andy bolton trains 10 months out of the year raw

you try to throw in positive statements to mask your stupidity and hate

Iron Disciple
07-05-2009, 11:33 AM
God, these are great !!! Absolutely funny ! Great post !

07-05-2009, 11:50 AM
splendid. I get some looks at the gym and these are the reasons. You know its summer, and I'm the whitest guy there and its funny when I have to clear out 2 benches and the power rack and the leg press of 45s just to get an effective leg press work out.

07-05-2009, 01:19 PM
If you beleive that a person first meet is their right of passage to manhood.you might be a powerlifter.

You might be a female powerlifter if you dont hesitate to tell a man you're weight.

If your idea of a pick up line is what your training partner yells at you to psych you up for your deadlift.....you might be a powerlifter

If you give yourself an audible Rack command before hanging up your clothes in your closet.......you might be a powerlifter

If you think participation in an aerobics class will lower your Testosterone ....you might be a powerlifter

If you think a seated leg curl machine is an overpriced drink holder.....you might be a powerlifter

If the local ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet makes you pay before and after eatting ....you might be a powerlifter

If you have arued with a management of a local buffet about the definition of "ALL YOU CAN EAT".......you might be a powerlifter

If you only pick up a bodybuilding magazine when you want a good laugh.....you might be a powerlifter

If you can only multiply by 45 in your head........you might be a powerlifter
If you ever shouted,screamed,and or growled at an inanimate collection of metal and think this is normal...you might be a powerlifter

If your doctor asks for a blood sample and you show him your shins...you might be a powerlifter

If you look at people and ask yourself what do you lift....you might be a powerlifter

If you see bodybuilders as under links to powerlifters .........you might be a powerlifter

If you eat hamburgers as an snack............you might be a powerlifter

If you never wash your liftting gear because it brings you good luck ............you might be a powerlifter

If you think of the barbell as your bestfriend............you might be a powerlifter

If you have pulled fingers out the socket from deadlifts.............you might be a powerlifter

If you carry around a gallon of water and call it a jug........you might be a powerlifter

If all your knuckles are scarred and calloused from pullling on suits ..........you might be a powerlifter

If you train out of a squat rack ........you might be a powerlifter

If you're literally too sick to go to work,but still workout.............you might be a powerlifter

If you meausure a man by his total bench ,squat,and deadlift.............you might be a powerlifter

If you want to be buried with your barbell.........you might be a powerlifter

If you have mastered the barbell..................you might be a powerlifter

07-05-2009, 02:46 PM
You might be a powerlifter if you check squat depth when using the john....


....I mean....Uh....I've never done that! Thats crazy!

07-05-2009, 02:51 PM
You might be a powerlifter if you check squat depth when using the john....


....I mean....Uh....I've never done that! Thats crazy!

LMAO, I was about to post the exact same thing, guilty! :hello:

07-05-2009, 03:04 PM
If youve ever thought milk should come out of your gyms water fountain...

If you get weird looks at the grocery store when you check out with 6 gallons of milk, 6 lbs. of chicken and 6 dozen eggs...

If you need a separate fridge to put your milk in...

If your picture is hanging up at the buffet...

If your gym has more power racks then tredmills...

If you consider a room with a rack, a bench, a barbell, and a plate tree a complete gym...

If your idea of cardio is loading the barbell...

If your continue to out grow your cloths past the age of 25...

If you think abs are a fade...

If you admire competitive eaters...

If youve ever won a bet based on how much you can eat...

If you wake up disappointed on off days...

If the biggest decision of your day is 425 or 435...

If you think smith machines should be out lawed...

If youve puked in the gym parking lot...

If you hear the phrase "Your eating AGAIN?" on a regular basis...

If you have a protein powder cabinet...

If you consider stretch marks an achievement...

If you have a fund for lifting related expenses...

If youve ever fell asleep by repeating to yourself 405, 405, 405...

If your night stand is a mini fridge...

If youve gone to a restaurant and asked if they had milk...

If youve slept on the couch to avoid having to go up the stairs after ME Squat day...

If you have a reserved section for your lunch in the fridge at work...

If you know who Konstantins Konstantinovs and Andy Bolton are and consider them gods...

If the hardest part of your day after Squatting is wiping your ass...

If you dont know where your dress shoes are but your chucks are rite beside your bed...

If you work on your box squat form every time you get out of your computer chair...

If youd die a happy man inside your power rack...

Big Jay
07-05-2009, 03:17 PM
awesome thread lol

Brian Hopper
07-05-2009, 03:22 PM
These are just as funny as chuck norris jokes!!!

07-05-2009, 03:58 PM
I just bought chains at home depot last week!

07-05-2009, 05:26 PM
LOL, Blood sample from the shins... Now that describes me all day long!!!

Who needs those goofy, long- socks anyway??? HA ha

07-05-2009, 10:07 PM
if a woman who you're seeing looks up information on the sport to impress you, and that is the first time you have ever felt "true love" You might be a powerlifter

07-06-2009, 09:54 PM

You pack your pain killers before your socks!

You look at garbage bags as cheap sleeve slippers and sauna suits

Biceps? What are biceps?

You have been tossed from a gym for using chalk

If you take boards and chains into a 24 hour fitness because on a holiday that is all thats open

There is a stack of Powerlifting USA mags in your restroom

You are happiest as soon as the scale says you made weight!

You might be a powerlifter!

07-06-2009, 09:59 PM
If you wake up disappointed on off days...

haha i just seen that one

Morgan McPherson
07-07-2009, 02:18 AM
...If you believe that a slightly larger stomach will ensure greater lifting totals.

...If your walking around at work and your lower back gets pumped.

...If your pants have a larger waist in order to fit your legs.

...If the stretch marks on your legs look like a complex map of tributaries.

07-07-2009, 04:50 AM
hah. guilty for checking squat depth when taking a dump. when im seated, im right above paralell and thats how all my squats look like on a natural basis. coincidence?

07-07-2009, 09:18 AM
might be a female powerlifter if you have ever had to explain to a coworker what a bench shirt is so they don't think that your husband and you are in to some freaky stuff........

... if you have ever brought your own bar to a 24 hour gym so you could deadlift.....

.... if you have ammonia caps in your desk just in case.......

07-07-2009, 03:04 PM
I got these from T-Nation:

you get a headache and a bloody nose from tying your shoes

you have huge arms and small biceps

you are extremely fuscular ( fucular is a large amount of muscle mass covered in fat)

Actually Compete

use chains and band more often than not

Squat in chucks

Chalk your back before a squat

Actually own and use PL gear

Have Ginny Phillips # in your Cell Phone contacts [I guess even knowing who that is sort of qualifies you]

Plan business trips according to what big gyms are in the area

Get excited by popped blood vessels

220's and below are the little guys

When it is mentally painful to use high reps.

when you own more polyester suits than Disco Stu

when you stock up on Pedialyte even though you don't have kids

when your wife asks if you liked the dinner she cooked, you respond by giving her 3 white lights

when you eat during your workout

when u consider high reps to be anything above 4

when you are constantly looking for a gym bag big enough to store all your gear

you smile when people wonder what you do with all those ammonia caps in your bag

when you get a bicep cramp from talking on the cell phone for more than two minutes.

when you're worried your hands may be getting too fat for deadlifts.

if you can only eat a chicken breast if it's covered in mayonnaise.

you have more chalk and baby powder than an octogenarian school teacher.

When Powerliftingwatch.com is your morning comedy dose.

When you dream of Ginny Phillips modifying your suits but have to settle with a local cobbler.

You start calling depth on deadlifts.

Giving verbal ques during sex.

Have a seperate drawer in your dresser for meet t-shirts.

You can redlight squats just by hearing the federation.

You love the blood running down your shins, which had just healed from you last deadlift work out.

You admire the fresh marks left by your new bench shirt.

You tell the story of how you ripped all of the flesh from your hand on your last deadlift, and how you super glued it back on.

when you can give people advice from your own experience and not article.

when you lift enough weight that people stop giving you advice at the gym.

When you show people your hands an they tell you to get gloves and you just laugh.

you own ballet slippers and aren't accused of being gay

You hook grip your grocery bags.

You mow your lawn with a mixed grip.

You can't count over 3, but you can multiply by 45 in your head.

You have the biggest quads in your gym... and the smallest calves.

You check your depth while taking a dump.

You've asked for a weight by colors ("gimme 3 reds and a blue")

You've dropped something and gone to pick it up... in a sumo stance.

You've used a home depot card to buy training equipment.

When you rack pull a solid 35# PR from your nemesis pin, feel a slight tweak in your back over your right hip, but feel good otherwise and decide what the hell let's do some heavy 3x3's on stiff legs and end up hobbling around for 3 days wondering why you haven't learned better yet.

When you never go anywhere without a sack, bag, or cooler of food.

You're having sex and think..."hrm this will help teach me to pull my hips through better."

You look up to men that are the biggest and hairest freaks on the planet.

Every two hours you have to eat something, it doesn't matter what, you just have to eat.

You become almost homicidal if someone calls you a bodybuilder.

You hate cardio and wish that no one ever invented a stair master.

You ask someone else to tie your shoes on squat/deadlift day.

You drink beer instead of water for the extra calories.

Your squat is bigger than your paycheck, and you're proud of it.

You framed your first ripped underwear and stained t-shirt.

You've squatted so hard the day before that it takes a GPS system to drop a load because you can't get to the seat.

You get jealous of the orangutan's at the zoo because you know they could easy double your PR with those lanky arms.

....you've the biggest arms in your gym... but the smallest biceps.

You need to go up a size or two
just to fit your neck/traps through a t-shirt.

You use two "collar/tie" extenders to button the top button of a dress shirt.

You look like you have a 100 pound tumor on your back.

You get winded on the walk to the buffet line.

you walk around and the only thing that goes through your mind is "I bet I could pick up 3 of those, or I could definitely flip that car over...

you feel like your session was wasted if you didnt almost pass out or vomit

When wasting chalk is a sin, and when icy hot and sweat smell sweet.

you consider sex as GPP.

everything except singles are high reps.

you barely break parallel (give yourself two whites) when sitting down on the toilet seat.

You drop some loose change and:
1, Leave it, you know to save energy. Or
2, Pick it up, it counts as GPP right? Or
3, Pick it up, but make funny noises while you bend over.

when you huff off a small bottle of ammonia in the console of your car for a little "pick me up" before attacking morning rush hour.

you see someone quarter "squat" with a belt, kneewraps and a "man-pon" on the bar, and feel your stomach turn

You resemble the missing link in Darwin's evolutionary chart, with the body hair, big traps, and hunch from your lower back cramping up.

your total keeps going up in your head before a meet.

When girl on top becomes a necessity. If the back pump doesn't get you, your triceps will surely give out from the board work earlier.

when you take a dump you sit back and push through your heels like a big squat

You look down at your hand after a workout and arent sure if its chalk or Surge/protein powder on your hand. You give it a lick anyway.

You know you're a PLer when you use the conversion factor that gives you the biggest lb conversion for your total.

When people ask you what you are going to to do this weekend and your reply is: restitution.

You get kicked out of "All you can eat" restaurants.

You get ******* pissed when you see people doing curls in the squat rack.

You ask "Whats the biggest steak you have" at any restraunt you go to.

The only place you go to more often than the gym and the store is the bathroom.

You get excited when you've gained 10lbs.

When your girlfriend has to do all the heavy lifting around the house because you're going to train heavy deads tomorrow.

you clog the toilet EVERY time you take a ****

You think that it's kinda gay to have hair on your head.

You get ****n pissed when some one ask you if you are a body builder.

You have ever mowed the yard with briefs on because your hips are so beat up.

You have ever quite a job because if interfered with your training time.

People bring a parka when they come over to your house because the thermastat is set on 60 all year.

You consider pop tarts pre work out nutritiion and beer is your post work out drink.

If half of you training partners have a dip in during a work out.

If you spend more on gear than you do on all other clothing combined a year.

If you have ever set in your recliner and wondered if it is really worth gettting up to go piss or if you should just try and hold it!

when you carry, or have considered carrying, baby wipes in your gym bag for your pre-workout constitutional.....

When your ideal weekend consists of a 12 hour sleep, a BBQ, multiple naps and heavy deadlifts.

When your shins are an unbroken constellation of scars and scabs where hair will never grow again.

When small children and large animals are drawn to you.

You wash your gear only when forced to.

You are very comfortable discussing any lift's groove or gear tweaking naked.

You consider "hardgainer" a latin word for "undereater". You don't know any.

You live for stepping on the platform, and you might die for a PR.

You help someone you don't know, or your chief rival, at a meet.

Before the trophy is in your hand, you are planning your next meet.

You would rather go to the Arnold than the super bowl.

Your toilet is called "The super bowl".

Your life partner complains about how loud you groan walking to the super bowl every morning.

Lots of folks have quietly told you to give up that sport before it is too late.

When you have moved beyond criticizing another lifter's lift, gear, supplements, or fed on the internet, but you save your critical side just for your training partners lifts, clothes, expressions, life partners, or antics.

You've been hit in the head by your partner so often for snoring that you've learned to sleep through it.

You didn't mind having to adjust to a CPAP because it finally meant you fit in with the *big* boys.

a discussion of briefs can have nothing to do with boxers, and another about suits include nothing about ties.

you come to love your callouses and mourn them when lost while pulling. Likewise, you look upon the gym rats wearing gloves with nothing less than disdain.

You guage your manhood by how long you can push the Prowler after a DE Sq/Dl workout and not pass out

BTW, If you don't have a prowler...GET ONE.

People only comment when your eyes AREN'T blown and bloodshot

You know more about injuries than your physio, but still manage to cripple yourself in some way, shape or form every three months. Ok, maybe every month.

when the first exercise of your training is search for a bench to sit down for five minutes to rest of the fatigue built up on the way from the car to the squat rack.

when you have to sit down after changing or putting up the plates on the bar, even if you sat for at least 5 minutes beforehand.

when you have to sit down after taking a piss or a dump between your sets, even if you sat for at least 5 minutes beforehand.

if you have to take two dumps before breakfast and many many more before going to the gym.

when the pain from squatting on monday is attenuated by the deadlifting on friday and you actually are happy that wednesday is benchpress day.

you get around 20kg out of some gear and are immediately thinking of upgrading

Your loved ones ask you to stop lifting heavy weights on a weekly basis, and you reply that you don't lift heavy weights, cos look at the records. Would someone who ran a 16s 100m be told to slow down?

Your physio says you should avoid heavy weights and you think 'i'll keep it around 75%' and then you find out they meant keep it 'cardio'

Your neighbours think you are into some kind of bizzare homo bondage thing. Tight suits, the sound of chains, 'pull harder, stay tight, get down' etc, groaning, and some very strange bruises all over your body...

someone asks for advice from other lifters about getting their suit off, and although it would be funny as f**k to see someone rolling around on the floor with their pants half way down, you give them advice because you've been there.

You help someone you don't know, or your chief rival, at a meet.

07-07-2009, 03:08 PM
if a woman who you're seeing looks up information on the sport to impress you, and that is the first time you have ever felt "true love" You might be a powerlifter


Many girls think powerlifters are gross. Not my girlfriend. She actually gets AMAZED by strong lifters... Of course she's not really digging the look, but she doesn't judge them by that either. She's just awesome.

07-08-2009, 11:14 AM
when your wife asks if you liked the dinner she cooked, you respond by giving her 3 white lights


07-11-2009, 08:14 PM
I had to add these because i'm guilty of them...

if you do goodmornings for reps with your wife sitting on your back... you might be a powerlifter.

if you take in all the grocery bags at once thinking you're training the traps... you might be a powerlifter.

07-13-2009, 01:06 PM
.... if when leaning in to kiss your significant other your inner monologue starts sounding like your team yelling at you during a bench press " belly, belly, tuck your elbows, tuck, tuck....... press!"

Matt Adams
07-13-2009, 10:12 PM
i get yelled at by my girlfriend on a regular basis for practicing squat form in the living room and checking my depth in the mirror.ha ha.