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T2ThaJoyal
08-28-2009, 08:51 AM
I'm hooking up with a girl that I know. We're playing it by ear, pretty much. I'm positive that I'm in the clear. She's pretty much the perfect girl. She's captain of our cheer-leading squad, she runs the school newspaper, gets good grades, and she is very cute. Although, her old boyfriend practically corrupted her with the fact that she is overweight. She's not fat. She has broad shoulders and it gives her the illusion that she's overweight.

Last night she had told me that she eats once a day and that it's two pieces of wheat bread with a tiny smear of peanut butter in between. I'll talk to her in the morning and she'll say that she's tired. I'll talk to her in the afternoon and she'll say that she's tired. I'll talk to her at night and she'll say that she's tired. She fatigues herself from not only all the activities she does, but from starving herself.

Then just last night she tells me that she wants me to mind my own business and that she doesn't need my help. And if I ever bring it up again, she will not date me. But the thing is, I really have feelings for her, but I wouldn't want to date a girl that I know has a serious problem that she refuses to get help from. She says that her doctors help her and they say that she's doing fine. But I'm pretty sure it's very hard to find a doctor that thinks eating one sandwich once a day is healthy.

what should I tell her?!

Unreal
08-28-2009, 08:59 AM
Either dump her or do what she says. It isn't your body or your concern. If it was a wife or something fine but to try to control the eating habits of some girl your starting to date is dumb. You've tried once, she doesn't want the advice, anything further is just going to annoy her.

Tell her to take a hike.

always_losing
08-28-2009, 09:00 AM
Don't know if you can do anything more than her therapists.

If you want though, you can tell her about my sister. She eats 3 or 4 meals a day (around 2000cal). She goes to gym 4 times a week, where she does her routine. Day 1 is squats, bench press and shoulder press. Day 2 is deads, chins, and some other row movement. Everything as heavy as she can for 5 sets of 5 reps. And on the weekends she a normal student, doesn't skimp on a meal or a party at all. And since she has started training/eating like this (about 2 months ago) she has dropped two dress sizes and is in pretty great shape. It's the happiest and with the most self-esteem I have ever seen her.

And this has the added bonus of you guys being able to train together, which may be a nice mutual interest.

Travis Bell
08-28-2009, 09:16 AM
Do not date her. Not because she's less of a person or anything like that. That is not true. However, if she is unwilling to move past this issue, I can promise you it'll effect your relationship negatively.

She needs counseling, badly. I've seen first hand what that will do to a person and it's never good.

I wouldn't however pester her, that will just drive her away from you. I just wouldn't date her or get romantically involved with her at all.

Travis Bell
08-28-2009, 09:18 AM
Don't know if you can do anything more than her therapists.

If you want though, you can tell her about my sister. She eats 3 or 4 meals a day (around 2000cal). She goes to gym 4 times a week, where she does her routine. Day 1 is squats, bench press and shoulder press. Day 2 is deads, chins, and some other row movement. Everything as heavy as she can for 5 sets of 5 reps. And on the weekends she a normal student, doesn't skimp on a meal or a party at all. And since she has started training/eating like this (about 2 months ago) she has dropped two dress sizes and is in pretty great shape. It's the happiest and with the most self-esteem I have ever seen her.

And this has the added bonus of you guys being able to train together, which may be a nice mutual interest.

Girls with eating disorders don't have a problem wanting to work out, it's a distortion of their own image of themselves. No matter how much weight they lose, they'll always want to lose more.

Most will actually work out hours upon hours a day or run extreme distances.

When they lose control and binge, they will sometimes consume 10-12,000 calories in one sitting, then purge. It's a very destructive mental condition that takes a very long time to work through, depending on its severity of course.

Off Road
08-28-2009, 09:30 AM
I agree with the others, never start a relationship with the thought of trying to change the person. Remain freinds and offer support when it's asked for. Maybe some day it will bloom into something more.

always_losing
08-28-2009, 10:03 AM
Girls with eating disorders don't have a problem wanting to work out, it's a distortion of their own image of themselves. No matter how much weight they lose, they'll always want to lose more.

Most will actually work out hours upon hours a day or run extreme distances.

When they lose control and binge, they will sometimes consume 10-12,000 calories in one sitting, then purge. It's a very destructive mental condition that takes a very long time to work through, depending on its severity of course.

Yeh, I know what anorexia/bulimia and body dysmorphic disorder are. I have had many friends that have gone through it. I also know that the psychological issues are going to be with this girl in a pretty explicit sense for the rest of her life. Very few women ever fully recover.

But he obviously likes her, and I'd struggle to just cut a girl I liked out of my life. So training with her, again, may be a nice way for them to spend time together. It's not a solution, because there isn't a solution, but it's constructive and good for both of them.

That said anorexia isn't as a result of body dysmorphic disorder, first and foremost it's a control issue. Body dismorphic disorder is a symptom used to diagnose the condition Anorexia Nervosa.

Guess this isn't the place for discussion about anorexia. But my advice would be spend time with her if you care about her, and you want to spend time with her. And the gym maybe a nice place for that. After all it's not like it makes her a leper.

VikingWarlord
08-28-2009, 10:22 AM
Now this might just be me being a prick but a look at your stats suggests you need to do a hell of a lot more work on yourself before you start trying to work on others.

Eating disorder or not, if you can't accept her decision to do things as she wants, your relationship will fail. You're what, like 14? It'll fail anyway.

juan23
08-28-2009, 10:33 AM
Either dump her or do what she says. It isn't your body or your concern. If it was a wife or something fine but to try to control the eating habits of some girl your starting to date is dumb. You've tried once, she doesn't want the advice, anything further is just going to annoy her.

Tell her to take a hike.

i agree with this man ^^^^

i had the same problem hommie cute girl i met and she had a eating disorder but it caused her to get anemia (not good) that woke her ass up and she quit doing it, those people dont stop doing what their doing till they end up in the hospital and the Doctor makes them crap thier pants by telling them what couldve happend

by the daily habits you mentioned what shes doing is leading her straight to the hospital

if she cheerleads then shes burning alot of calories and with the small amount of food shes getting her body is gonna suffer, especially with the season starting.

my advice is dont tell her anything , just get her involved in your life show her what you do to stay fit, show her your diet and tell her how good it works for you but dont try to make it so obvious.

and ask her once just once if she would like for you to make her a diet fit for her (only if you know how), and if she gets mad just say "i really care about you and i was just trying to help, if you cant see that then im sorry" she will feel like a jerk.

Travis Bell
08-28-2009, 11:44 AM
Yeh, I know what anorexia/bulimia and body dysmorphic disorder are. I have had many friends that have gone through it. I also know that the psychological issues are going to be with this girl in a pretty explicit sense for the rest of her life. Very few women ever fully recover.

But he obviously likes her, and I'd struggle to just cut a girl I liked out of my life. So training with her, again, may be a nice way for them to spend time together. It's not a solution, because there isn't a solution, but it's constructive and good for both of them.

That said anorexia isn't as a result of body dysmorphic disorder, first and foremost it's a control issue. Body dismorphic disorder is a symptom used to diagnose the condition Anorexia Nervosa.

Guess this isn't the place for discussion about anorexia. But my advice would be spend time with her if you care about her, and you want to spend time with her. And the gym maybe a nice place for that. After all it's not like it makes her a leper.

I understand what you're saying. I'm speaking from a bachelors in psychology as well as a year of graduate school on the subject of stuff like this.

I'm not saying it makes her a leper at all LOL, I'm just suggesting the most effective course of action that will help her.

You're confusing a little bit the stuff on anorexia and it's causes, but for me to fully explain it, would take a whole page LOL and probably be obnoxious to all who read it.

To clarify though, I wasn't saying don't date her because it'll hurt you (the OP) but because it'll hinder the girl's progress to recovery.

Just my 2 cents.

Ryumexicano
08-28-2009, 12:07 PM
It is NOT a healthy relationship. It is not starting good, so it will end up really bad if you continue with her. Just stay away and be friends, don't risk the "Broken Heart", silly as it sounds, it will get you down... avoid all that emotional crap NOW THAT YOU CAN. ;) :outnumber::hide:

d0rkyd00d
08-28-2009, 12:37 PM
Here's what I'd do. If she's your friend, just tell her that you don't agree with that lifestyle. If you've already voiced your concerns, told her that you're sure she's aware it's unhealthy, and that the only reason you bring it up is because you care about her as a friend, which is no reason to be mad at you for it, then you've done what you can. Let her know you're there for her if she needs you, but YOU are the selector. Tell her you just aren't going to date HER knowing she does that, but you'll be more than happy to be friends.

tom183
08-28-2009, 06:55 PM
Now this might just be me being a prick but a look at your stats suggests you need to do a hell of a lot more work on yourself before you start trying to work on others.

I'd say most peple were thinking this. I can't believe someone actually said it though.

Unreal
08-29-2009, 06:48 AM
Jesse is the man. Believe me, he has no issue saying just about anything.

I agree, stop worrying about her and start worrying about yourself.

Sean S
08-29-2009, 10:18 AM
Travis is right on this one. This girl isn't capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone until she gets these issues under control. That could take years. Despite good intentions, you are in no position to "help" her with this problem. She needs lots of professional help without the distraction of any relationship at this point.

dxiw
08-30-2009, 03:30 PM
I died laughing when I first read this because I thought the OP stats were a joke making fun of all the trolls on here, but after reading through it doesn't seem like the case.

I do have one serious question though, why are your goals to reduce your bench and squat, yet gain bodyweight? Your sig makes zero sense to me.

About the girl, the eating problem is already sign of 1) a possible contention between you two that will **** your relationship dynamics and 2) her inability to deal with her own psychological insecurities (which is only predictive of huge drama down the line). Drop her like she's hot and find yourself a healthy standard girl.

Clover
09-01-2009, 05:52 PM
I died laughing when I first read this because I thought the OP stats were a joke making fun of all the trolls on here, but after reading through it doesn't seem like the case.

I do have one serious question though, why are your goals to reduce your bench and squat, yet gain bodyweight? Your sig makes zero sense to me.

About the girl, the eating problem is already sign of 1) a possible contention between you two that will **** your relationship dynamics and 2) her inability to deal with her own psychological insecurities (which is only predictive of huge drama down the line). Drop her like she's hot and find yourself a healthy standard girl.

His sig doesn't make much sense to me either...why hammer curls at 20 pounds as a goal?

joey54
09-01-2009, 06:32 PM
This has run its course.