Spring 2001 Journal

[MissAbs]

Ok here goes, again:

I am torn with my goals as of this Saturday I am 14 weeks out from Musclemania. Because of some misguided information, I had to miss this show in 2000, thus I am feeling the desire to go back and do what I had intened to do in 2000.
My coach is very much against me doing this event. He wants me to have some much needed physical and mental time off from the precontest parade. So I said ok, however in my heart I really want to do this, so here is the game plan. I am going to diet, train, sleep and supplement with total preparation for this show and about 4 weeks out mail him photos and TELL him I am going and he needs to help finish me off. Note how brave I am typing this without him seeing it. ( I hope my clients, never learn this behavour)

Because of my wonderful, I want to be fat body. I have to dial this all in very smoothly so I do not lose as much muscle as I have in the past dieting and doing to much cardio, so slow and steady needs to be my thoughts, and always in focus

So goals for tomorrow 1-21-01
200 grams of protein- all from white fish
30 grams of fat- no peanut butter, flax only.
Celery as carb source- stop laughing.
2 gallons of H2O

The reason for the harshness in the diet- to re-establish my mental edge and determination of my mind & heart to my goal.


1 hour of cardio- split in two sessions-(maybe 1.5)
I WILL NOT get on the scale all week.

I WILL NOT look at myself in the mirror until Wednesday or Thursday of this week

I WIll dress completely covered ( like a hag-at the gym) so no one will ask me, like they where last week if I was getting ready again.)

I will eat all my meals on time, even if I have to stay up late.

I will take all my supplements on time.

I will stop and breath today and be thankful for my ability to train,diet and be healthy.

I will write my leg workout before going to bed tonight 1-20-01

I will commit to updating this journal daily for myself and only myself.

I will NOT allow others to create pressure for me and cause my preparation to be side track from lack of "total me" focus.

I will NOT allow any boyz to side track me or my training, or sleep.

I will update this journal tomorrow evening, be commitment to being a good role model for everyone that who thinks they can't to know they can!
I WILL believe in myself and my abiltiy to make this happen for me.

Good-night MissAbs-

[Ronan]

Good luck all the way Miss Abs!

I am contemplating doing my own journal here too for an extra kick of motivation

Damm, celery as your carb source, hehehe!

Which musclemania show is it? I am doing the superbody championships in Miami on June 30th, it should be a great show.

[MissAbs]

Another day is almost done. I still have one meal to eat. It will happen before I sleep. Doing this in order of my goals for today:

Cardio- did not happen I was convinced by my new secret agent, because it was leg day not to do my cardio. I was a lost soul this morning wandering around wondering what to do with my self at that hour of the morning. It felt very odd, more about trust later.

I did not get on the scale. Minor agruement with myself, trying to convince myself that if I only knew what I weighed in scale weight I could brag about how much fat I lost in the weeks to come. I still didn't do it, my scales are now in the basement and have been for weeks. I have to rid myself of that evil thing, it does nothing but play with my mind.

Didn't really look. Well a little. It was brief and not enough to form any negative opinions about myself for the day.

Yep, looked like a hag in the gym tonight. No problem there.
All meals where on time. and will eat my last one after I type this.

Sups where cool. Although I didn't write them down, I need to keep extreme attention to details. No slacking.

Diet was pretty fishy all day, didn't make my goal of flax only. Had it with first meal, and thought, yep, this is why it takes a few days to get into the groove of things, I just couldn't do more flax, out came the pb. No harm, as grams where perfect.

Ok, thoughts for today:
Trust, I really am feeling horrible about my wanting to sneak off and do this show. Basically I am having a little, ok, huge MissAbs temper tantrum.


I want to do a show, and coach boy wants me to rest and grow, so that I can be bigger,leaner harder and healthier in the late summer. Kinda like asking Mom, she said no, so I go and ask Dad... I really need to think about all of this, with more thought.

I still am going to diet like a mad woman and follow my training, however I am not sure that I am going to disobey the person that I have trusted my physique too, so I either need to release him of responsibility, or do what he says, after all, that is why I pay him.

Someone asked me today, why I just didn't get a new coach. I laughed, and said, yeah one that will tell me what I want to hear, and let me do what I want to do when I want to do it....and never be in the condition or shape that coach boy has the ability to help me have, when I pay attention and do what I have hired him to do.

So I need to reacess what it is a spring show is going to give me that I seem to want so badly, and from there, find a solid short term goal to sink my teeth into that is more condusive to the bigger picture that was established in November. Maybe rest, recovery, and growth would be a good idea..........naaaa to boring for me.

So todays' moral of the story is truly about trusting those that you have empowered to help you. If you are going to second guess, change the rules or just not be an honest team player get off the team. Trust that time and patience is really the best and only answer.

Goals for tomorrow
Diet clean -fish and fats...
No cardio......... I hate it and love it, kinda like boyz :)
Water- focus 1.5 gals min.
Sups on time- must be written in journal
Training- do not add anything extra or change the plan- trust.
Think about the above statement and determine what I really want and then go after it, with all the team in support of the decision.
Use logic not emotion to arrive at these goals.
No mirror
No Scale
Only positive self talk.
Preframe my workout better before I get to the gym.
Increase my intensity levels- yes, sets are to failure, however I need to have passion for the failure. Anyone can train to failure, passion for the pain is what will set me apart from the rest.

Until tomorrow, have trust and passion both in time, will serve all of us well...............

Abs

[MissAbs]

1-23-01
Ok I did everything I said I wouldn't do today got on the scale, looked in the mirror and allowed others to influence my focus on what my bigger plan was.
So the day ended in a terrible phone call to coach boy, with complete confessions.
I think he chuckled in between my hysteria of panic.

Did manage a perfect diet, training and cardio day in spite of the emotional battles that I had with myself.

What did I learn from all this: I learned that if you dig deep enough and hard enough you can find anyone to tell you anything you want to hear, and read.

1-24-01
Ok after yesterday's "antics" I have the blinders back on and focus.
I was not in a position to even for a minute release coach boy, and if I was not going to let him do his job, then that is what had to be done. I could not even begin to think about getting ready for my Team U in 2002 goal without him, thus realized I needed to grow up, pay my dues and serve my time just like anyone else.
Whew..... even I am human I hate to admit it.

So after lengthly confessions and a refocus ass chewing about what it is we are really trying to accomplish with me, there will be no show until Aug, as planned.

However there is a lot of work to be done between now and then to keep my progress going.

So we did make some MAJOR radical diet changes for me, much different than the past year has been.
All was perfect for this day, except got in trouble for two much cardio. Go figure.

He has me on a very short leash now, (laughing- I deserve it) and twice per day check in's. Wow, was I that bad? Must have been.

Well that is the past two day update from the very naughty & defient MissAbs.... be thankful you don't have to coach me. Please take a moment, and give thanks for that wacko guy that has the courage to take care of me.


[Edited by MissAbs on 01-25-2001 at 06:45 AM]