Sayiajin Prince
09-18-2002, 06:27 PM
How to Write a College Paper
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee
to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit
with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started
the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and
buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend
shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in
one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop
him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight,
comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with
plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely
certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at
camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter
now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one of your favorite CDs and that's it, I
mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start
that paper.
10. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
11. Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's
started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about
your teacher, the course, the university, and the world
at large.
12. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-
lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
13. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across
your tongue; savor its special flavor.
14. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't
missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you
have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV
from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon
is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowler's
Tour b) any movie starring Don Ameche.
15. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on
channel 26.
16. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was
watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
17. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
18. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home.
Ask who everyone is.
19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans
for the future.
20. Open your door and check to see if there are any
mysterious trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
21. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well
lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the
fun of it.
23. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch
the sunrise.
24. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee
to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit
with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started
the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and
buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend
shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in
one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop
him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight,
comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with
plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely
certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at
camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter
now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one of your favorite CDs and that's it, I
mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start
that paper.
10. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
11. Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's
started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about
your teacher, the course, the university, and the world
at large.
12. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-
lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
13. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across
your tongue; savor its special flavor.
14. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't
missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you
have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV
from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon
is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowler's
Tour b) any movie starring Don Ameche.
15. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on
channel 26.
16. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was
watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
17. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
18. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home.
Ask who everyone is.
19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans
for the future.
20. Open your door and check to see if there are any
mysterious trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
21. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well
lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the
fun of it.
23. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch
the sunrise.
24. Lie face down on the floor and moan.