carolinagirl
02-17-2003, 01:52 PM
Wow. I'm snowed in (and going stir crazy) and I have been reduced to watching daytime tv. (Being a cheapskate, I don't have any of the good channels.) Here are some observations:
1. There are a LOT of women out there who are fat and don't know it, as evidenced by an apparent universal compulsion, shared by all fat women, to take their tops off on national tv. Or maybe they have a deep-seated hostility towards the less fat and want us all to claw our eyes out. Either way, keep those puppies in the kennel.
2. If you get an invitation to appear on the Jerry Springer show, whatever the ostensible theme of the show is, here's a news flash: it's a ploy! You're gonna get sandbagged. Nothing good can ever come of appearing on the Jerry Springer show. Do yourself a favor and decline the invitation - you'll find out soon enough that your girlfriend and are having an affair. And if it doesn't happen in front of a live audience, you might conceivably retain some shred of personal dignity. Oh wait - you probably don't have any or you wouldn't be dating the girl/related to said family member anyway!
3. What is up with the 'Blind Date' and 'Fifth Wheel' shows?!? They seem to be tricked-up, cracked-out versions of the fifth-grade party favorite 'Five Minutes in the Closet'. If you feel compelled to go on tv and publicly declare yourself a 'hottie', please re-read number 1, above. If you then wish to participate in a competition in which winning consists of luring the marginally less repulsive of two people into a 'privacy booth' (if by 'private' you mean 'fully equipped with videocameras') in order to 'score', please read number 2, above. Everything following the word 'ploy' applies to you, in spades.
4. Spanish speaking people have MUCH better game shows than we do. (Also, apparently, much more surreal senses of humor. I wish my Spanish was better. I would [i]only watch Spanish daytime tv. I especially like the show with the guy in the giant bee costume.)
5. I had no idea how much chocolate I had in my house - that is, until I ate it. Damn Valentine's Day. Damn snow. Damn daytime TV.
1. There are a LOT of women out there who are fat and don't know it, as evidenced by an apparent universal compulsion, shared by all fat women, to take their tops off on national tv. Or maybe they have a deep-seated hostility towards the less fat and want us all to claw our eyes out. Either way, keep those puppies in the kennel.
2. If you get an invitation to appear on the Jerry Springer show, whatever the ostensible theme of the show is, here's a news flash: it's a ploy! You're gonna get sandbagged. Nothing good can ever come of appearing on the Jerry Springer show. Do yourself a favor and decline the invitation - you'll find out soon enough that your girlfriend and are having an affair. And if it doesn't happen in front of a live audience, you might conceivably retain some shred of personal dignity. Oh wait - you probably don't have any or you wouldn't be dating the girl/related to said family member anyway!
3. What is up with the 'Blind Date' and 'Fifth Wheel' shows?!? They seem to be tricked-up, cracked-out versions of the fifth-grade party favorite 'Five Minutes in the Closet'. If you feel compelled to go on tv and publicly declare yourself a 'hottie', please re-read number 1, above. If you then wish to participate in a competition in which winning consists of luring the marginally less repulsive of two people into a 'privacy booth' (if by 'private' you mean 'fully equipped with videocameras') in order to 'score', please read number 2, above. Everything following the word 'ploy' applies to you, in spades.
4. Spanish speaking people have MUCH better game shows than we do. (Also, apparently, much more surreal senses of humor. I wish my Spanish was better. I would [i]only watch Spanish daytime tv. I especially like the show with the guy in the giant bee costume.)
5. I had no idea how much chocolate I had in my house - that is, until I ate it. Damn Valentine's Day. Damn snow. Damn daytime TV.