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View Full Version : Actual Classified Ads (funny)



Avatar
02-01-2001, 01:54 PM
Just got this in my email. Pretty funny stuff.



> The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in
> newspapers:
>
> FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
> -----------------------------------------
> FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
> -----------------------------------------
> 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
> -----------------------------------------
> AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
> -----------------------------------------
> SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
> -----------------------------------------
> FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
> -----------------------------------------
> 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: One 5-finger, One 3-finger, PAIR: $15
> -----------------------------------------
> TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
> EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
> -----------------------------------------
> COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
> -----------------------------------------
> 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
> -----------------------------------------
> STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
> -----------------------------------------
> SOFT and GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
> -----------------------------------------
> GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
> -----------------------------------------
> FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
> -----------------------------------------
> FREE 1 CAN OF PORK and BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
> -----------------------------------------
> FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
> -----------------------------------------
> NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED *************** CALL CHUBBIE
> ***************
> -----------------------------------------
> BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
> -----------------------------------------
> SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
> -----------------------------------------
> FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT A WHILE.. BETTER
> BE REWARD.
> -----------------------------------------
> HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
> -----------------------------------------
> GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
> -----------------------------------------
> HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
> -----------------------------------------
> GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
> -----------------------------------------
> NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED
> -----------------------------------------
> FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
> -----------------------------------------
> AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
> -----------------------------------------
> TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
> FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
> -----------------------------------------
> EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS and BOX SPRINGS -$175.
> -----------------------------------------
> OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
> -----------------------------------------
> JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER and DRYER $300.
> -----------------------------------------
> LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
> -----------------------------------------
> ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
> -----------------------------------------
> GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
> -----------------------------------------
> GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
> -----------------------------------------
> OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE and DONUTS
> -----------------------------------------
> KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
> -----------------------------------------
> FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
> -----------------------------------------
> FOR SALE BY OWNER
> Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
> Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got
> married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

gino
02-01-2001, 02:47 PM
good stuff

Behemouth
02-01-2001, 08:48 PM
:D

Chris Rodgers
02-02-2001, 01:24 AM
lmao!

Joe Black
02-02-2001, 02:46 AM
Originally posted by Avatar

> FOR SALE BY OWNER
> Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
> Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got
> married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

HA HA Love that one..

Franco
02-02-2001, 09:54 AM
Originally posted by Avatar

> OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.


Got to tell the family about this;)

Pup
02-03-2001, 06:03 PM
LMFAO

TheScorpionKing
04-30-2002, 05:35 PM
check out the sig. :D

Tryska
04-30-2002, 06:31 PM
*lmao*

good one.


I like the farm cats -ready to eat one, best

InferiorDesign
04-30-2002, 06:38 PM
the italian mob one is funny, and the first one...

Orange357
04-30-2002, 06:38 PM
lol....mmmm kittys....

Praetorian
05-01-2002, 01:33 PM
hahah nice ones.. :D

Allen
05-01-2002, 01:36 PM
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER


ouch

Scooby-Doo
05-01-2002, 03:23 PM
*lol* :D