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View Full Version : Humor very much like George Carlin's



JohnCollins
07-07-2003, 07:10 AM
Although not him, I think. Last one is my personal favorite.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable
plant is to pullon it. If it comes out of the ground
easily, it is a valuableplant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive
anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and
the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then
who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.

Get the last word in: Apologize.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good
for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you see onetumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they
use to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty
cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac
to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these terrorists -- most of them
came here legally, but they hung around on these
expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days
late with a video and those people are all over you.
Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration

AdamGberg
07-08-2003, 12:06 AM
LOL, me likey

Y2A
07-08-2003, 10:04 AM
"Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good
for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you see onetumble down the stairs."

Damn thats a great one :D They are all pretty good, thanks for the laugh!