I have a temper.....need help!!!

[carpediemguy]

I am an argumentative person with a temper who would get upset many times if things wouldnt get my way....

Just a few situtaions:

Once I was visiting a vet as I was freaking out when my cat came home with a big lump on her back that was full with puss and the [puss was coming out...

I took her to the vet right away being worried sick....The stupid clerk was asking me useless questions and making me wait a while even though there were no customers......I got so pissed and I started to yell and demanded immediate attention for my pet....Finally they took her in the back...

A week after I got a letter in the mail where I was told that due to my behaviour I was no longer welcome to their clinic...WTF??? I was being worried for my pet not getting attention when I thought she was in a critical situation...

One time my dog was acting lethargic and I got pissed at my wife for not taking him to the vet as I thought she was poisned or such....I started to get mad and yell as to why seh doesnt care about our dog...

A week ago I got into a averbal fight with her brother....



In my heart I am a good person but I think there are times when I tend to overreact ....

I just cant keep my temper in check, thus I was wondering if you guys could give me some helpful advice.

[entrrt]

go see a shrink:)

[Reinier]

Stop caring about 'em stupid animals so much ;)
People who care too much about their pets...

A they have nobody to command around at work so they vent their authoritarian frustrations on a dog
B They have nothing to cuddle at home since theyre ugly or mean and need a pet to have love

;)

[Rock]

or they simply love pets, there does not have to be a direct pshycological reason for everything, I have cat, he is tiny and strong for his size, he attacks my feet and has loads a guts, his name is felix, he is cool, I love the little guy.

Carpediemguy, does it feel like you are being talked down too when you get angry, patronized? I get very angry when people patronize me.

[Relentless]

havent you posted about this topic before, carpe?

[Y2A]

go see a shrink:)

:withstupi

I dunno man, it takes alot to get me angry. Some people just have a short fuse. Yelling at a clerk at the vet to hurry up and take care of your cat... youve got a problem bro ;)

[Gyno Rhino]

I don't understand these threads.

"I'm angry all the time, who can help me?"

Nobody but yourself. It's called self-control. It's the difference between you and the amoeba that's sucking up some gooey crap on the floor right now.

You're a higher order life form - exercise your abilities of rational thought and empathy. Behave reponsibily, no one can make this change but you.

There's no magic cream, no special book, no nothing. You just need to grow up and realize that a) the world doesn't revolve around you, and b) acting like a baby makes you a baby. Period, end of story.

[ace dogg]

My advice is that you should stop being such an ass :). I would recommend a shrink but in my experience they aren't good for anything - except dealing drugs.


People who care too much about their pets...

A they have nobody to command around at work so they vent their authoritarian frustrations on a dog
B They have nothing to cuddle at home since theyre ugly or mean and need a pet to have love

Qtip is the exception.

[carpediemguy]

I dont think shrinks are my solution....

I might just have a short fuse and I cannot take any ****...

I was thinking that I might cool myslef down, when I am getting close to erupt, by counting down to 10 or taking a big breath or such that would prevent my outburst.

It may be genetic as my dad used to be the same way.....

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.......still waiting for some constructive advice though...

[J450n]

I too have a short fuse but with certain situations... i tend to walk away or avoid when possible. Just my 0.02...

[Drheckler]

Go get your ass kicked, that should calm you down for awhile.lol

[carpediemguy]

Maybe living with a wife who drinks too much makes me even anger as I am getting tired with her being drunk at least 3 times a week.....I am very close to divorce her and start a new life....maybe my anger will subiside somewhat...

[Reinier]

IF its a problem to you consult a pro

[Teufelhund]

Maybe people might react to you better if you got some prosthetic pupils.

If your wife is an out of control alcoholic, leave her. Some things don't change and you don't want to live life making excuses for and babysitting a drunk.

[Gyno Rhino]

If your wife is an out of control alcoholic, leave her. Some things don't change and you don't want to live life making excuses for and babysitting a drunk.

Bad advice, maybe. Have you taken her to see someone? I'm sure this is a serious toll on you - but don't give up on it yet. Addiction is addiction, it can be overcome and life can be good again. But she needs help. So help her for as long as you can. When it finally comes to the breaking point, you'll know.

[carpediemguy]

Bad advice, maybe. Have you taken her to see someone? I'm sure this is a serious toll on you - but don't give up on it yet. Addiction is addiction, it can be overcome and life can be good again. But she needs help. So help her for as long as you can. When it finally comes to the breaking point, you'll know.


She wont even consider going to AA or such....as she is too proud and maybe she would feel embarrassed if her coworkers might find about that....she works as a DA.

The breaking point has been reached already....

[Gyno Rhino]

Has she been in trouble with things at work?

[Teufelhund]

I don't know Gyno. Sounds like a great way to lose the best years of your life. I agree that if they have not sought treatment, they should do so. But I would say that if she's getting wasted every other day, becoming a recovered alcoholic is going to be tough.
For absolute sure, do not bring kids into the picture until she has it under control.

[Reinier]

I think if your spouse is an alcoholic and shows no progress you should leave her. No need to go down with her.

[aidano]

You possibly have low self-esteem. Figuring out how to raise this (self-help books, therapy..) might help you out.

[Nights]

Learn self control and take some damn responsibility for your own actions. You got angry. Don't be blaming your wives drinking problem, or hard times that you are going through. You are the one who go angry. These situations did not force you to get mad. You got mad. You chose to get mad.

Yes, you were worried about your pets. Do you thinking yelling at the receptionist who had to get that stuff done before he could take the animal in helped? probably not. Second, don't you think they would be the clearier mind, and more likely to assess how critical the situation is then you? Do you think they got the job there so they could torture some animal by making it wait for care. No, they probably got it cause they like animals and want to help them. Good job on taking out your frustration on them.

That said, learn a way to take control of yourself, or find some self help group/shrink that can help you. You ask us about it here because obviously you see that you have a problem and seem unable to handle it yourself.. yet when someone says that you should get into consuling you shun that idea away. Admit you need some outside help and take it. No shame in that.

[carpediemguy]

Has she been in trouble with things at work?

SHe drinks only after work.....

I am gonna miss my pets when I am gonna leave my wife as I am gonna move to Europe...

Unlike my wife who doesnt wanna admit that she has a problem, I at least acknowledge that I have a short fuse....

[kAiXuan]

Personally I dont think that getting drunk 3 times a week = alcoholic.
Maybe the reason she does this is because of you?
Just a thought-

[Teufelhund]

You are mistaken.

She's not a 21 year old sorority girl out looking for fun. She's his wife, with a high stress job, and she's looking for an escape. She needs to come to terms with the reality of her situation, and go get some help.

[Gyno Rhino]

Personally I dont think that getting drunk 3 times a week = alcoholic.
Maybe the reason she does this is because of you?
Just a thought-

I hope this is a very, very poor joke.

Getting drunk ANY during the week means you have a problem with alcohol. To do it three times a week screams alcoholic.

And your little quip about her drinking because of him is ridiculous. You deserve a fist in the face for it. Good thing he isn't in front of you.

[AllUp]

Maybe people might react to you better if you got some prosthetic pupils.

If your wife is an out of control alcoholic, leave her. Some things don't change and you don't want to live life making excuses for and babysitting a drunk.
:withstupi

[Allyrulez]

Lol...First time ive ever heard, of someone being banned from a veterinary

[carpediemguy]

Lol...First time ive ever heard, of someone being banned from a veterinary


True story. Screw them ....the stupid clerk didnt know jack about vet stuff as I later asked her a few vet related questions....

On a side note, I may have to learn some self control as there are so many idiots in this world who could easily tick me off.....

[Rock]

you may have to learn self controll? you have to learn self controll, its infact very easy, talk and react calmly and sensible.

[carpediemguy]

you may have to learn self controll? you have to learn self controll, its infact very easy, talk and react calmly and sensible.

Easy to say ....If it were so easy I would be quite serene about everything in life....

I just cant stand BS and idiots.....even though there are times when I should have kept my temper in check...

[MrWebb78]

help with temper...1-800-DEPAKOTE

[JustinF]

look here (http://64.191.89.22/showthread.php?t=38695)

[kAiXuan]

No, it wasnt a joke.
Sounds like the guys outbursts of anger due to minor situations could be a cause of her drinking (sometimes). Other than that, if your having such big problems with her just get a divorce. It would be a BIG start to developing some sense of self-control and maybe some increased confidence so as you dont have to feel you need to argue or yell in order to get your point across.

[carpediemguy]

No, it wasnt a joke.
Sounds like the guys outbursts of anger due to minor situations could be a cause of her drinking (sometimes). Other than that, if your having such big problems with her just get a divorce. It would be a BIG start to developing some sense of self-control and maybe some increased confidence so as you dont have to feel you need to argue or yell in order to get your point across.


I am not trying to blame it on her drinking problems, even though her alocholic bouts often turn violent towards me.....thus, my stress level is quite high.

My marriage has been in shambles for a while and a divorce might be imminent. After 7 years it's about time to part away....

Still my anger goes with me but hopefully I will be able to have a little bit more restraint on myself.

[Chicker]

If you're as stressed out as you say, it's not surprising you have outbursts of anger...but you need to exercise some self control, and if you find yourself unable to do so, maybe you should seek help (not necessarily pills, there's a big difference between a psychiatrist and a therapist, and in your case, the therapist might be of more use) Anyway, if you don't want to get help, you could start reading about anger management and see if it helps you understand your anger a little better, which might help you to deal with it.

Anyway, the anger isn't good for you or the people on the receiving end, so it's good you realize you have a problem and you want to find a way to change it. Good job. Anger scares the hell out of me. lol

[carpediemguy]

If you're as stressed out as you say, it's not surprising you have outbursts of anger...but you need to exercise some self control, and if you find yourself unable to do so, maybe you should seek help (not necessarily pills, there's a big difference between a psychiatrist and a therapist, and in your case, the therapist might be of more use) Anyway, if you don't want to get help, you could start reading about anger management and see if it helps you understand your anger a little better, which might help you to deal with it.

Anyway, the anger isn't good for you or the people on the receiving end, so it's good you realize you have a problem and you want to find a way to change it. Good job. Anger scares the hell out of me. lol


Any website regarding anger management that you know of?

[Teufelhund]

*awaits the results of Ogar's google search*

[GonePostal]

Easiest way to not be angry is to be not be angry. If I start to get angry I make a decision either to flip out or stay cool. Most of the time it is the later... just be aware and don't let your emotions take control of you. Takes practice but make a concious effort to be in control at all times. You never want to be like "woah i don't know what came over me". Not an easy thing to do for some people, but it's worked for me.

[carpediemguy]

*awaits the results of Ogar's google search*

My first impulse was to say "No sh*t smart ass"......but on a second thought I decided to settle for " Wow!. Thanks a lot for making my day !!!! Never heard of that.....Maybe now when they go IPO , I will give it a shot.....

I guess as far as my anger goes....it is a step in the right direction..

[Berserker]

3 times a week may or may not be an alcoholic. depends on the situation and how far she takes it. If she drinks tell shes out of her gord and sick the next day, well then maybe she has a problem and needs help. If its just drinking three days a week maybe not.
As far as temper, goes grow up. I can say that cause I am guilty of it too. I also know its up to me to fix it. I am usually embarassed afterwards.

[Veritas]

Hmm... You're out of control because:

1. you sometimes think you're better than everyone else
2. but you're not happy with your life

If you can become more modest, peaceful, and view others as equals, expect to make some steps in the right direction. Also, find a way to make your life more pleasing so it isn't so stressful.

[OverDose]

you should be reported to welfare, i assume to take your mom in for a check up or is it just your boyfriend again?

[Rock]

yeah man learn self controll and stop blaming everybody else, do stuff you like, listen music, go to prostitutes or whatever, god damnit, this isnt an atempt to flame you, but you sound like the kind of guy who would :

Hit the person who stood the closest to you in a perhaps a club with a bottle in the back of the persons head because somebody stepped on your toes, and the person gets a nerve damage for life, .................................................................................................... .......................cause YOU could not controll your temper.


please man, self controll is everything.

[JuniorMint6669]

Learn self control and take some damn responsibility for your own actions. You got angry. Don't be blaming your wives drinking problem, or hard times that you are going through. You are the one who go angry. These situations did not force you to get mad. You got mad. You chose to get mad.


I think this is good advice. Its hard to accept, but its the truth. Each of us chooses our reaction to every situation. Its not what happens to us that matters, its how we react to what happens to us. Once you realize that you are allowing others to influence your emotions, hopefully you can take that power away from them. Its difficult, i know, because im trying to do the same thing myself.
The next time someone makes you mad/sad/whatever, do this: Say to yourself "I am allowing xxxxxxx to make me mad. Do I want to allow xxxxxxx to be in control of my emotions? No. I am not going to allow xxxxxxx to be in control of my emotions. I am not going to get angry"
Hard, but it works.

[J450n]

I don't think we can always "choose" how we react to certain situations.. i.e getting angry.. Just as people don't "choose" to fall in love or cry.. etc etc.. Sometimes it's a natural reaction and you can't always control you're emotions if you have a short fuse or are pushed too far... just a thought...

[JuniorMint6669]

Try it, you'll see. You're right, it may not always work, as perhaps in the case of a lost loved one. There is no one to blame for your sadness in this instance. You cannot blame your lost loved one for causing your sadness.

However if you are cut off by a bad driver, there is someone that stirs the emotions. You can choose to react to that situation by flipping them off, honking your horn, racing after them, shooting them, or doing nothing. Its your choice.

[Holto]

Dr.Phil did a show on Anger management

he said the #1 thing people can change is their expectations

you expected the Vet to react to your cats problem like a 3 alarm fire

the girl at the desk didn't realize it could have been serious and was probably so worried about getting the paperwork right she couldn't think straight with you flexing on her

I have come to realize that I expect way too much of people

average people are average...people who are even reasonably intelligent are way above average and statistically more rare than we realize

you're wife needs you're help, nobody else is in a better position to help than you

you need to plug in

[Holto]

you might want to get Dr.Phil's Self Matters and the workbook too

much cheaper than a shrink and we can never be too strategic about our own lives

[Riggs]

What you need to do is get some professional help buddy, whether it be marriage counseling or therapy. Posting this on a message board is a cry for help that, unfortunately, no one can here can properly answer.

[Gyno Rhino]

Feeling angry and acting angry are two different things.

[GonePostal]

Exactly... you can't control your emotions but you can control the actions that you take based on those emotions.