Stupid *** Jerk Needs A Pounding

[-TIM-]

There's this girl that works at my part-time job, at the gym, who just tried to leave her live-in boyfriend. This guy is horribly jealous and controlling. He told her that he would kill her if she ever left, and won't let her talk to any guys when they are out. Not even friends of hers. My GF and I have hung out with this couple a few times, and would have never known the real Brett until just recently when she told a few of us about him at work.

Anyway, she packed up some of her things and came to my GF's sister's apartment while he was at work the other night. She said she was going to stay at her parents when they got home for the evening, but ended up going back to her apartment with her boyfriend. She called in sick to work the next day. We don't think he did anything to her, but she's so stupid for going back. I guess when she did, he took a couple swings at her, but stopped just short of her face. Then said the next time it happened, he would land those punches.

This guy deserves a serious pounding. But how can you feel sorry for a girl that stays with a guy like this. She also has a little boy, so he's in danger too. I really don't know what I'll say to this guy the next time he comes to the gym, but I feel like giving him a piece of my mind. But that could make things really bad for her. Who knows, maybe he'd beat her up for telling people about him. Don't really know how to handle this, but I'd love to mop the floor with him.

[Gyno Rhino]

I'd beat him up for not hitting her, too.

What a wimp - threatening to punch her lights out and then backing down.

[PowerManDL]

Burn his house down.

[mrelwooddowd]

Until you REALLY get to know someone who's in a situation like that, and know what makes that person (the victim) tick--such as how they grew up, etc., you'll never understand why they keep going back. Her tolerance for violence, based on how she grew up, may be MUCH higher than yours. She may be a fiercely loyal person, because she had no one to stick by HER when she was growing up. That in itself is enough to keep people going back to abusive co-dependent relationships time and time again.

Sometimes, it takes something VERY violent, or the victim finally becoming introspective and learning about why they are who they are, for the cycle to end.

It's all very interesting, and sad at the same time. But think of it like this...

If you grew up in a house where violence was a daily occurrence and, although you swore you'd never BE violent to your own children, don't you think that someone raising a hand to you here and there would be MUCH easier to take (because you also see ALL of the good in them first, of course)?

[mrelwooddowd]

Ask this girl if either of her parents was an alcoholic, and report back..

[galileo]

I'd be willing to bet that if someone treated her well, she'd never stick around.

[David]

Tim, I'll be over in half an hour with my 21 inch http://www.materials.com/CROWBAR.JPG

[Hatred]

Agreed.
This situation is playing all over the world. And also right down the street from me.
Thankfully it took him breaking her arm in two places for them to split up...only for her to crawl back to him....and HE wants the divorce.
Heh. I made sure to get him thrown in the slammer though...

[mrelwooddowd]

Agreed.
This situation is playing all over the world. And also right down the street from me.
Thankfully it took him breaking her arm in two places for them to split up...only for her to crawl back to him....and HE wants the divorce.
Heh. I made sure to get him thrown in the slammer though...

It was her fault, dude..she knows this

Co-dependent relationships are a bitch.

[Shark]

I'd beat him up for not hitting her, too.

What a wimp - threatening to punch her lights out and then backing down.

Seriously, otherwise its just incinsere. For real though, i used to volunteer at a battered womens shelter in college and the things some of these women would say just blew my mind.

[sCaRz*Of*PaiN]

But how can you feel sorry for a girl that stays with a guy like this.She's probably afraid of leaving him.

[galileo]

She's probably afraid of leaving him.

If that's true, she's an idiot or not very resourceful. I could disappear pretty fast if I had the need.

[-TIM-]

My first thought was just like elwood's. Her upbringing conditioned her stay with someone who is abusive. It still sucks though. I think I'll tell this guy he's a pussy and to expect company if she ever comes to work with so much as a scratch.

[Gyno Rhino]

She's probably afraid of leaving him.


Not because he'll hurt her.

She's afraid of leaving him because she doesn't think she can find a guy that'll pay as much attention to her.

Chicks love attention: GOOD or BAD.

[MrWebb78]

She has no self worth. Kicking this guy's butt wouldn't do anything. Helping her would not be hard, but it would take time. If you really care, give her support. Let the guy move on to his next victim.

[Gyno Rhino]

She has no self worth. Licking this guy's butt wouldn't do anything. Helping her would make me hard, but it would take time. If you really care, give her schlonk.

Hmm.. Interesting take on the situation.

[AllUp]

Lamer.

Best thing she could do is leave - not only for her, but her kid. He shouldn't be growing up in an abusive/hostile atmosphere.

She needs to gtfo and quit being a tool.

[biggimp]

a lot of the times, the people that are being abused figure, well he abuses me because im not good enough, but at least he cares/pays attention to me. obviously im not good enough, so if i left him nobody would want me."

[Relentless]

My first thought was just like elwood's. Her upbringing conditioned her stay with someone who is abusive. It still sucks though. I think I'll tell this guy he's a pussy and to expect company if she ever comes to work with so much as a scratch.

Uttering threats probably isn't the smartest thing you could do in this situation for any number of reasons.

Why don't you instead focus your energy on being supportive to the girl?

[SW]

Not because he'll hurt her.

She's afraid of leaving him because she doesn't think she can find a guy that'll pay as much attention to her.

Chicks love attention: GOOD or BAD.

This is why she'll never become introspective. As young as I am, I've seen several instances of it and talked to some of the women, and thought they were complete ******s. I don't feel sorry for people who come back, they've made their decision. But that still doesn't change the fact I'd be all for Tim beating the **** out of any scum who'd touch a woman.

[razorcut]

Ask this girl if either of her parents was an alcoholic, and report back..Or better yet, ask about her father's role in her life while she was in the pre-teen/early-teen years.

[Y0yo]

They go back because they don't know where else to go. It's not stupidity, it's just a lack of information. If they had the right information and knew exactly what would happen if they left, they most likely would. The problem here is that after leaving it's often hard to guarrantee anything.

If her father isn't doing anything about this, I'd have to ask why. If my daughter were getting her ass kicked, I'd kill the mofo!! Then plead insanity, sell the movie rights and live like a king.

[RickTheDestroyer]

I suspect that many of us have no idea how the mind of a battered woman ticks (Chris Russow aside). My understanding is that often they aren't very resourceful and generally don't see ways out or other options.

She does need to get the **** out of there ASAP. Tim- try to set her up with a shelter for battered women and then go castrate the SOB with a rusty machete.

[razorcut]

If her father isn't doing anything about this, I'd have to ask why. It's not a matter of what her father isn't doing now. It's what her father didn't do 10 years ago.

[briancurran01]

If that's true, she's an idiot or not very resourceful. I could disappear pretty fast if I had the need.

and you arent the woman that is being beat or threatened. Hard to make statements like that, when you arent the one in the situation

[Y0yo]

It's not a matter of what her father isn't doing now. It's what her father didn't do 10 years ago.

Could be either really. Did he not raise her to have respect for herself? Perhaps not. We really don't know enough about this girl and her situation. We can all see it from an objective point of view, and a very simple one. Once you're entangled in all of it, your opinions start to change because you realize how fooked everything really is.

[sCaRz*Of*PaiN]

Not because he'll hurt her.

She's afraid of leaving him because she doesn't think she can find a guy that'll pay as much attention to her.

Chicks love attention: GOOD or BAD.Yes...because the world is black and white. :windup:

[Glaim]

It's been my experience that far more women are physically violent simply because they can be. I've had three past girlfriends hit me...I've never hit a woman, but they get this mindset that because I'm twice their size, it's simply okay to hit me.

[John04Civic]

I'm with xian, she'll never be with a dude who really cares / treats her right. Chicks just don't fly like that until 45 (some sarcasm here)

[spencerjrus]

Hearing about guys like that is the only time in my life I have contemplated murder.

[d'Anconia]

Tim whatever you do just make sure you don't stray too far from self-interest. Yes every so often it's nice to help other people out but don't get yourself into any trouble. There are millions of chicks in the same sort of situations. Do I think it's pathetic that a guy hits a girl? Yes (unless she started the physical part of it).

I think we've all seen this scenario played out before. The only way to fix it IMO is to give the girl a psychologist/psychiatrist. Otherwise she'll be like this her entire life.

[Shroud]

The best thing you can do is to stay out of the situation. Those kind of dysfunctional relationships are simply cans of worms waiting to be unleashed.

It's sad to see these kinds of relationships played out, especially firsthand. However, it'd suck even more to get dragged into it and end up the sorrier for it merely because you tried to help.

[Sensei]

My first thought was just like elwood's. Her upbringing conditioned her stay with someone who is abusive. It still sucks though. I think I'll tell this guy he's a pussy and to expect company if she ever comes to work with so much as a scratch.
That's a waste of time and if he's the abusive prick he seems to be, he'll just make sure the bruises aren't visible - you're just going to make things worse for her and it might even make her turn on you for doing so.

Giving her information and options (shelters, etc.) and calling the cops or child protective services if necessary is about the best you can do short of dragging the two from the house or permanently disposing of the guy (and I'm not recommending that!).

[-TIM-]

Really, I'm not going to get involved. It really wouldn't help anything. Probably make things worse if anything. Our manager isn't sure if she even believes half of the things she says about her boyfriend. A lot of people in situations like this keep to themselves, or make excuses for the abuser.

[galileo]

and you arent the woman that is being beat or threatened. Hard to make statements like that, when you arent the one in the situation

Were you the woman being beaten or threatened? No? So you know as much as I do. But I do know that psychologically, without underlying abuse issues, a normal person could escape.

[CrazyPalm]

Theres three sides to every story... her's... his... and the truth.

[Praetorian]

Whatever you do, DO NOT GET INVOLVED!! This is not your problem.

If it is as bad as she claims, she'd report it to the cops. IF she shows up with a black eye or two, call the cops.

Don't get sucked into a chicks drama.

[MrWebb78]

The sick part is that if someone started beating up this guy, she would start fighting to protect him. Statistically speaking.

[d'Anconia]

It's really pretty sad in the end. I don't think anyone at the age of 16 (or any young age for that matter) expects their life to be filled with such frequent violence.

[MrWebb78]

It's really pretty sad in the end. I don't think anyone at the age of 16 (or any young age for that matter) expects their life to be filled with such frequent violence.

unless there life to that point has been full of violence,such as the child of this story's abused woman. abuse breeds abuse.

[Kayo]

The best thing you can do is to stay out of the situation. Those kind of dysfunctional relationships are simply cans of worms waiting to be unleashed.

It's sad to see these kinds of relationships played out, especially firsthand. However, it'd suck even more to get dragged into it and end up the sorrier for it merely because you tried to help.

Yeah i once got involved in somethin like this and it ended up escalating to more of a gang brawl then a relationship problem