PDA

View Full Version : Girl advice question yay



Mercuryblade
09-29-2006, 01:57 PM
Ok so I'll spare you the details.
Basically I met this girl at work this summer, and we kind of started something (if you can even call it that) right at the end of summer. It's a really long story that I can post if you're interested. Anyways I go to school in a different state, three hours away. She goes to school at the university in the city by where we live.
Anyways we keep in touch quite a bit. According to one of her friends shes been "waiting for me to make a move." I went home over labor day to visit one of my friends, and we hung out the last night I was there, but we were watching a movie in a room full of people, we had a good time, the movie sucked so I got to make fun of it but there wasn't really any oppurtunity to do something, we just sat really close together on the couch. Then when I walked her out as she was leaving she immediately asked when I was going to be back in town again, I told her I didn't know because I don't have a car down at school but I'll let her know next time one of my friends heads up.
So anyways I was talking to her, and it was a jewish holiday that upcoming weekend (she's jewish) and one of my friends was heading up, and I asked her if she was going to be around, and she told me I should come up and visit her even though she was only going to be available on Saturday.
So I did, and it wasn't good. We went to a movie with a couple of her friends, who joked about leaving me and her alone so we could hookup. I was so nervous because I built up this weekend so much in my head as being my one shot to seal the deal (that sentence sounds like it was written in the 50's), that I wasn't being my normal mostly charming self. My only saving grace is apparently (not to sound too self absorbed) I'm hilarious. I don't know how I do it, I just say **** all the time that makes people around me laugh.
I still managed to throw some comments in that night, but it still didn't counteract the overall awkward mood that pervaded the evening.
So when I dropped her off (I know I said I was going to spare details, but believe me this story could be way longer) she said she was really sorry but she was tired, which was believable because she had to get up early to go to temple that day for services, and had told me earlier how she had gotten like 4 hours of sleep the night before. So I walked her to the door, and she let me inside. So we were in her kitchen, and I have no idea what kind of verbal exchange we had, I was probably inside for like 5 minutes tops. I was like "so you are going to bed?" and she told me she was really sorry we didn't get to spend more time together, I told her it was alright and we had an awkard hug, on my way out I asked when she was coming to visit me at school, and she told me to pick the weekend. Then when I talked to her last week she said she was going to "really try" to come and visit me, which I have no idea what that means, maybe I'm overanalyzing semantics here,
I'm not a naturally shy person, I have no trouble talking to girls, alot of my friends are female, and people always think that I have alot more game then I do just because of the way I carry myself and that I get alot of attention. But the truth is I've never had any kind of relationship that could be called a girlfriend. I'm true late bloomer I didn't get any kind of attention from girls beyond friend level until the end of senior year of highschool.
I'm not completely inept with girls, I've hooked up enough. Although it's always been initiated by the girl.
I feel like I should probably let her know that I've never had a girlfriend before, I've never even been on a date, and hence why there was this middleschool-ish awkwardness last saturday. But I'm not exactly sure how I should go about it/phrase it or if that's even a good idea.
I'm not in love with this girl, but I like her. And want to clear things up, and kind of get a better handle on the situation between us. Especially since this really hot girl who goes to school with me randomly told me we should hang out sometime.

sharkall2003
09-29-2006, 02:03 PM
Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. You obviously need to talk to her. More importantly, you need to talk to her about the things that are on your mind. Then she'll know how you feel and the situation either blooms or it doesn't.

Unreal
09-29-2006, 02:03 PM
Don't discuss that with her. Just keep doing what your doing and next time you see her ball up and make a move.

In the mean time find a local girl and pursue that.

Sharkall, I would normally agree, but hanging out a few times doesn't mean they are in a relationship. If you were in one with her then talk, but it just seems like your casual friends. If you have hung out more then 3-4 times and haven't atleast kissed her, then you missed your chance IMO.

sharkall2003
09-29-2006, 02:06 PM
Don't discuss that with her. Just keep doing what your doing and next time you see her ball up and make a move.

In the mean time find a local girl and pursue that.

Sharkall, I would normally agree, but hanging out a few times doesn't mean they are in a relationship. If you were in one with her then talk, but it just seems like your casual friends. If you have hung out more then 3-4 times and haven't atleast kissed her, then you missed your chance IMO.

We can probably both agree on one thing: he needs to make his move fast. Women don't wait around. They give you a couple chances and that's usually it.

Sensei
09-29-2006, 02:09 PM
It's a really long story that I can post if you're interested.So wait? What you just posted was the short version??? Is this obsession with young men wanting to talk out their feelings and insecurities a new phenomena?

Look, if you get a second chance, have something to talk about. Don't bother making excuses for how boring you were on the first date, just don't let it become a pattern.

Unreal
09-29-2006, 02:13 PM
Back a few months ago when I was still holding my V-card and had little women experience I would have posted something like this. Now I have more women then days of the week. You have to be confident and make a move. I use to fall into the friend trap, now I have trouble getting them to wait to the second date before we do some bedroom cardio. I always thought it was hard, but women are easy.

sharkall2003
09-29-2006, 02:13 PM
So wait? What you just posted was the short version??? Is this obsession with young men wanting to talk out their feelings and insecurities a new phenomena?

Look, if you get a second chance, have something to talk about. Don't bother making excuses for how boring you were on the first date, just don't let it become a pattern.

Maybe it's easier to talk about it via internet than face to face. Either way, ti's General Chat and you have the option of posting here and/or even reading it.

OP: Good luck with whatever decision you make regarding the circumstance.

Paul Stagg
09-29-2006, 02:14 PM
So wait? What you just posted was the short version??? Is this obsession with young men wanting to talk out their feelings and insecurities a new phenomena?

I'm in tears. This is definately the POTD.

markdk86
09-29-2006, 03:11 PM
Women don't like men who aren't men. You need to start learning to make the first move. You sound like you have some experience under your belt so just kiss her. Make a situation, yes MAKE, where you get really close to her or something, stare at her, get in close and wala. She obviously likes you so stop wasting time.

Also don't be afraid to kiss her infront of her friends. Girls seem to like guys who aren't scared of public displays of affection.

Sidior
09-29-2006, 03:18 PM
:withstupi

Wipe your vagina and nail her.

Detard
09-29-2006, 03:29 PM
:withstupi

Wipe your vagina and nail her.


omg. funniest thing ive ever heard. ahhahhah golden

Mercuryblade
09-29-2006, 03:57 PM
Sharkall, I would normally agree, but hanging out a few times doesn't mean they are in a relationship. If you were in one with her then talk, but it just seems like your casual friends. If you have hung out more then 3-4 times and haven't atleast kissed her, then you missed your chance IMO.

I said its a long story. Not like "Oh its a LOOONG story," but its a long uninteresting story. I haven't made a move because I literally haven't had the oppurtunity (apart from last weeked, which really wasn't a great oppurtunity to begin with). I already know she is/was interested.


Is this obsession with young men wanting to talk out their feelings and insecurities a new phenomena?
I just wanted some advice. Maybe it's kind of embarassing to be a 21 year old and never have had a girlfriend. I haven't even seen any of my friends other than my roommates this past week because I've been studying for the three tests I have next week. So I really haven't been able to ask anybody for advice yet, being as this just happened last weekend.

Spartan936
09-29-2006, 04:09 PM
Great advice all around. It really IS about being confident, and making the first move so you avoid being placed in the "just friends" category. Women want exciting, non-needy guys who will sweep them off their feet and make it look easy. Also, don't be afraid to move on, and definitely don't put all your eggs in one basket. haha, these threads are priceless.

I'm in the same boat as Unreal.

Jorge Sanchez
09-29-2006, 04:13 PM
This is the silliest "girl problem" thread I have read. Wait and see what happens.

She lives in another city, you shouldn't be hung up on her. If something happens, great. If nothing happens, great - you get to find another girl.

My final piece of advice: do not start a relationship, especially your first one, with a girl that you can only see ocassionally.

Nosaj
09-29-2006, 04:36 PM
this really hot girl who goes to school with me randomly told me we should hang out sometime.

Hit that s**t. Seriously. And next time you feel insecure, think... who cares if you get rejected, at least you won't be creating online threads about it... so next time you have any kind of chance with any girl, take it, and see what happens. A lot of girls will just go with it just because, so take advantage of that. And if you get rejected, move on to greener pastures. No biggy.

mickyjune26
09-29-2006, 04:48 PM
Dude - keep hanging around girls and ask them. They know more than any guy.

then again...i know some girls who don't have a clue about relationships.

Ask yourself what you want and do it. Don't second guess. It will show the next time you see her.

WBBIRL
09-29-2006, 05:52 PM
Thanks for sparing us the details..... and good freaken god is this the abriged version?

If you dont love her then whats the deal, girls you like are only girls you've never gotten close to... those are the ones you "love".

Put up or shut up big guy

SLOTH
09-29-2006, 08:16 PM
We can probably both agree on one thing: he needs to make his move fast. Women don't wait around. They give you a couple chances and that's usually it.
Spoken truthfully. Time to admit that she flipped it up on you. You likely had the upper hand at some point and were dominant, but she showed some strength and you have to oblige. If you like, chase, but expect some difficulty

McIrish
09-29-2006, 09:48 PM
My final piece of advice: do not start a relationship, especially your first one, with a girl that you can only see ocassionally.

Best piece of advise here (the whole "throw it in her sooner rather than later you little pansy!" seems a bit daunting, IMHO ;)).

Merc, you obviously aren't in love with this girl, so think of your interactions with her as more of a warm-up before you step up to the plate for real. You're obviously able to handle talking to girls - dating them is very similar except that now you get to hook up (which you've done before... what are you afraid of again?). See the Jewish girl back home whenever you're home, but start pursuing some girls at your college. You DEFINITELY don't want your first relationship to be 3 hours away, ESPECIALLY when you're at college.

Powdered_Power
09-30-2006, 09:02 AM
You have alot of girl-friends? Then ask them for their views on the situation, most of the advice given here is absolute crapola...how the hell do all you think you know what women think?

Women are complicated creatures bro, there is no way of saying all women want to be swept off their feet and nailed to the wall in the hallway, as they need to feel loved just as much as they want to be desired (in a sexual way obviously). You have to find that illusive balance between being an overconfident ******* basically and being a nice guy AKA push-over.

Use a combination of both, take her out somewhere and be confident but show her a bit of a sensitive side by bringing some flowers or something like that. She will be hooked on you if shes already interested in you. This is just MY view on things, take it or leave it friend.

Good luck!

sharkall2003
09-30-2006, 09:08 AM
You have alot of girl-friends? Then ask them for their views on the situation, most of the advice given here is absolute crapola...how the hell do all you think you know what women think?

Women are complicated creatures bro, there is no way of saying all women want to be swept off their feet and nailed to the wall in the hallway, as they need to feel loved just as much as they want to be desired (in a sexual way obviously). You have to find that illusive balance between being an overconfident ******* basically and being a nice guy AKA push-over.

Use a combination of both, take her out somewhere and be confident but show her a bit of a sensitive side by bringing some flowers or something like that. She will be hooked on you if shes already interested in you. This is just MY view on things, take it or leave it friend.

Good luck!

I'm a firm believer that women like men who are in control. I'm always in control of things when I am out, but when it's just me and her I am sweet and romantic. Not because I think that will land me the girl, but that's how I was taught to do things. Protect your woman and be dominant and they will come around. But treat them with respect and courtesy and you'll find a good one.

Powdered_Power
09-30-2006, 09:34 AM
I'm a firm believer that women like men who are in control. I'm always in control of things when I am out, but when it's just me and her I am sweet and romantic. Not because I think that will land me the girl, but that's how I was taught to do things. Protect your woman and be dominant and they will come around. But treat them with respect and courtesy and you'll find a good one.

Exactly! If you try to be too dominant towards her all the time, theres this certain pressure on you to never show a weakness which I personally just cant live with.

Just my view on the "nice guy always comes last" myth, this isn't all true. The sad fact is that alot of nice guys just have a very low self esteem, but this shouldnt stop a natural nice guy from being himself around women. Women really like nice guys, but its possible to be confident and nice at the same time! Just never get clingy or needy....this is a serious turn off for both men and women.

Mercuryblade
09-30-2006, 05:50 PM
Thanks for sparing us the details..... and good freaken god is this the abriged version?
You can thank adderrall for the length of that post.

Just my view on the "nice guy always comes last" myth, this isn't all true. The sad fact is that alot of nice guys just have a very low self esteem, but this shouldnt stop a natural nice guy from being himself around women. Women really like nice guys, but its possible to be confident and nice at the same time! Just never get clingy or needy....this is a serious turn off for both men and women.
Thanks for the advice.
I'm not one of those self pitying guys that thinks girls only like guys that are *******s, and nice guys get screwed over all the time. I just am in kind of a unique situation.
I really just need to remind myself that there isn't any reason why I should be feeling insecure.

razorcut
09-30-2006, 05:58 PM
I'm in tears. This is definately the POTD.
:withstupi
I vote POTW, if not POTM.