The bold and the ballsy
OK, give us a balls story, fellers. I don't care if it took place in the workplace or at a club, bar, restaurant, whatever.
Got one from just earlier today to get the ball rollin'. Had a client complain because I asked him for his signature on a contract (wich was the final link in a chain that allowed him to get a fack-ton of cash). He whined that I was creating "a bureucratic headache." Guy is usually pretty condescending.
I usually just shrug off such stuff but was feeling frisky and alive. Blame it on the venti French roast.
"At what point along life's journey did you decide to be such a dick, Mr. &%&^$," I asked.
He was a bit stunned and mumbled "pardon?" I just waited. "What was that?" He tried to toughen up.
"We don't need your business any more, Mr. $%$^. Your arrogance is uncalled for and I've had just about enough of it."
I hung up.
He calls back immediately and apologizes. End of story.
Ha ha ha ha ive seen plenty of moments like these
three stick out in mind
Once a few years back when I was working with my dad in construction we were on this army base in Kileen Texas, Fort Hood to be exact the largest military base in the free world. We were working and our job contains a lot of dust blowing around, so were working and in doing some sand blasting and I have my ear plugs in and im just working, lots of dust flying around as usual then all of a sudden i see the truck pull in front of me and stop so I stop and we shut the machine off, and obviously the guy is yelling, but i have my ear plugs in so i cant hear him so I take them out and he is just yelling and cussing up a storm calling us idiots and all types of stupid m'fers and such.
Mind you im confused as ****, im 18 first time on a military base and im not quite sure what is going on, so around this time my dad pulls up in his truck to see why we had stop, and this is the conversation that insued.
Disclaimer: half of this will be deleted because its loaded with expletives
Dad: Is there a problem going on?
Guy: Yes, these dumb mother****ers are up here ****ing up the job, blowing dirt all around and got my truck all dirty, are you their supervisor, because if so im about to get your asses written up and thrown the **** off this base and never work in the state of Texas again
Dad: Hold the **** on, (he hops out of his truck and slams the door and gets in the guys face) Were out here to do a mother****ing job, and this job has some dirt blowing around, and if your truck got dirty, im sorry but you need to move this mother****er out of our damn way so we can get our work done and get the **** off this damn base
Guy: Well I...
Dad: And one more mother****ing thing don't you ever talk to me or my workers that way again bitch because you will have a mother****ing problem on your hands, were here to do a damn job and your bitching about some dust and a funky ass truck, your the one whos the **** out of line and I would appreciate it if you leave my men the hell alone and let us do our ****ing job.
Guy: Well sir is there anything i can do to...
Dad: Yeah you can get the **** out of our way and let us finish our ****ing job.
The guy gets in his truck and drives off. We go on and finish up we work through lunch and get done around 2. As we were leaving we had to check out of the base, we walk in and we see the same guy who cause the commotion. We then learn that the guy was some type of 4 start general or some **** and he was the head man over the project, basically the guy in charge of everything. He then humbled himself and apologized to my dad and our crew for being such an ass, and we got the rest of our work done over the next two days with no issues what so ever
Second one happened early this year, me and a buddy of mine are playing pool at this bar drinking beers talking to girls or what ever. This geeky nerdy ass guy walks up to us and ask to play. Like if you looked up the words geeky and nerdy in the dictionary it would say this guy. Kinda a high pitch voice, dumb and dumber hair cut, thick glasses, tight plaid shirt, bow tie, pants pulled literally right under his chest, his pants were riding high, thick white socks and brown penny loafers, and he wore a cummerbund. I **** you not. So me and my buddy we don't want to be bastards so we let him play, plus he came over with a pitcher of beer so that helped. We played and drank some more then these girls came over and one started talking to him and this is what insued when this one hot chick started talking to us
Girl: who is this guy
Me: Oh him hes a kool guy we have been playing pool with all night
Geek: Hi my name's Winthrop
(sadly this was the first time i caught his name)
Girl: Why are you dressed like a geek like that
Winthrop: The same reason your dressed like a skank I like my style
Me: *react like wow this guy is cool as *****
Girl: what did you say to me
Winthrop: Are you deaf?
Winthrop: Then you heard what I said then, want me to say it in spanish?
Girl: Whatever, why do you have a cummerbund on?
Winthrop: The same reason you arent wearing any panties, Its comfortable
Me: *laughing my ass off then checked, and sure enough no panties*
Girl: Ha ha ha, what ever, your tie is crooked * she reaches out and straightens it up*
Winthrop: No this is the way I like to wear it, it looks kool *he fixes it back*
Girl: Well its crooked
Winthrop: No, its kool, when you wear your bow tie you wear it like you want to, this is how the kool kids wear our bow ties
Me and my Buddy: *still laughing our asses off*
Girl: Well whats under your cummerbund?
Winthrop: Do you wanna see?
Girl: Yeah, I asked you, are you Deaf?
Winthrop: No im not if you wanna see then follow me
They proceed to walk out of the bar and both me and my buddy are looking lie O.o, so we laugh and were like no way, well what ever so we begin playing pool again and talking with the other girls.
He comes back in like 45 mins later, this time without the girl.
Me: Hey how did it go
Winthrop: It was fun, I showed her what was under my cummerbund
My Buddy: ?? Really how did that work out?
Winthrop: Yeah, I ****ed her in the back seat of her car
Me: WTF!!! Really?
Winthrop: Do you want to smell my finger
Me: HA HA HA HA **** no dude, ill take your word for it
My Buddy: Where did the girl go?
Winthrop: She had to leave, her boyfriend called her
Me: Ah **** man that was a playa ass move
Winthrop: I kinda wish I knew him so I could call him tomorrow and ask him how does my dick taste.
Me and My buddy just die laughing, that had to be one of the greatest things Ive ever witnessed. I still see him occasionally and hes still geeky as **** but kool as ****.
I just love this video of how this kid owns Bill O'Reilly
BC, thanks for sharing. I knew you'd have one or two. I enjoyed the vid but love the story about the general. That took serious nads, man! So far, the WBB BIG BALLS AWARD goes to your pop. Can anyone top him? Stay tuned....
Haha that was video was great Corey, thanks for posting that!