Divorce.

[builderbabe]

As I have said before, I got married a little over a year ago. About 7 months in we split up and ended up getting divorced. Well, I immediately (as in, before the divorce was even final) started seeing someone else and pretty much lived with him for 2 1/2 months until 3 days ago. We broke up mainly because I realized that all I was doing was hurting him in the long run because I'm not emotionally ready to love someone right now...
Anyway. Now I am dealing with all the repercussions of the divorce that I never let myself see before. I blocked it all out because I was with someone else and I just never let myself hurt before.
I am a mess now, and I really do not know what to do. I know that I am young but I have never felt this kind of loneliness before. I know part of it is because I am sleeping alone now and I'm forcing myself to do things alone.
The point of all this is, I know some of you guys have had to have been through divorces before, and how did you pick yourself up and move on?
The little things are what are killing me, and I just am clueless.
Help?

[MrWebb78]

Wow. I don't want to hijack your thread, but let me tell you we are in nearly the same situation. I WISH I had good advice to give, but I'm searching for reasons, meanings, and anything else that can organize my life again. Don't be afraid to seek professional help just because you think that's showing weakness. A fresh perspective could do wonders.

Just keep going about your normal routines, work, school, gym, whatever it is you do. Time will certainly help. Do not rely on other people to define your happiness, seek that within yourself.

[deeder]

Maybe you two should hook up??




Haha, kidding!

I have nothing useful for you bb... I just wanted to wish you the best and say that wbb is here for you

[View 1]

I have never been married but I almost was and lived with my ex for a very long time. Like you after we broke up and I moved out, sleeping was the hardest part for me, one I was so use to sleeping and waking up next to her, and now I am not, but also at the end of the night its only you and all you do is think and ask the question of what went wrong and why did this happen to me? What I can tell you is dont do what I did. I started going out and drinking to escape. Soon I was drunk 7 days a week, because if I got drunk and passed out I had no time to think about my problems. The problem became that I turned into a full blown alcoholic. Now my one problem had turned into two. When I talk to people now I stress that you need to find a positive outlet, whether its the gym, a hobby etc.. Set a goal and stick to it. In 6 months from now do you want to be in the same place as you are now or do you want to be somewhere better? There are no magic words that will make your pain go away, you have a million questions, but you may never get them answered. Someone told me once that if you live life like your driving in a car and keep looking in the rear view mirror at whats behind you, your bound to crash. And I know its easier said than done, but I have been in your shoes and from personal experience you need to start looking at your future and take the steps to get there. And even though I already said it, find a positive outlet that will benefit you, I cannot stress that enough. Even though Ive never meet you I wish you the best, and I hope that anything I wrote helps you.

[smokinHawk]

you will never be happy with with someone until your happy by yourself first.

[40 Nunc]

Hey builderbabe, I was married for 11 years with 3 kids and that came to a crashing halt 4 years ago. I was a wreck. I went to the doc and he prescribed some anti depressants which really helped. They didn't fix the problem but certainly helped take the edge off but I still don't recommend them

If you think you need something to help take the edge off maybe you should try some St. Johns Wart. It has been proven to work better than Prozac and it can be bought over-the-counter at any vitamin store. Plus it's healthy to take without the side effects of prescription drugs. It takes a week or so for the effects to kick in but it might be something for you to consider...

As far as the loneliness goes - time heals all wounds. I know it's cliche but it's true. You'll have good days and bad days but you'll cope better as time goes on. Everyone goes thru this and everyone survives so try to find the good in this and learn from it.

and smokingHawk is exactly right...

[CleverName]

because I'm not emotionally ready to love someone right now...

Why do you have to love someone just because you're in a relationship with them?

[anonymous1]

You're a mess because you're a mess. It's not the divorce. When your happiness doesn't revolve around male attention, you'll have a chance.

[Unreal]

I had a friend that was married for about 6 months before she was divorced. As the paperwork was being processed she started "dating" this other guy. Not the typical guy she would date, but he was the first guy to hit on her once she was split up. So now they have been sleeping with each other and dating for 3-4 months now, and she admits that he isn't a guy she wants to be with, but doesn't want to be alone. Strange. She ruined a lot of her friendships by treating her friends like crap. I don't talk to her anymore because I got tired of dealing with her drama and constantly being lied to and ditched. Same goes with 3-4 other friends of hers. Now she is friendless and stuck with a ugly loser guy she is screwing just so she doesn't feel lonely. Sad thing.

I would say get out and spend time with your friends and family. Braking up with this guy is a good thing. Don't fall into the pit of not wanting to be alone.

[mrelwooddowd]

you will never be happy with with someone until your happy by yourself first.

anonymous1 You're a mess because you're a mess. It's not the divorce. When your happiness doesn't revolve around male attention, you'll have a chance.

I got married at 23, separated at 24, and divorced at 26. I'm 29 now. I got into fitness and this website after reading a book called The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People about 4 months after the separation. I got happy on my own. I didn't date for a long time. You HAVE to be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy, and be truly happy with anyone else.

Take that time for yourself.

[drew]

Just get out and have fun. Think about times when you wish you were single and didn't have anyone to answer to, then go out and do the things you felt like you never could before. Learn to love being on your own. After I got divorced I went and did all the things I enjoyed but that my ex-wife hated. I partied a lot, I gambled a lot, and I hung out and did nothing a lot.

Enjoy your freedom. Date lots of people. Just have fun.

[zen]

I think the loneliness can be more difficult for some people than others, but I have seen people who hate to be alone leave one broken relationship just to leap right into another one indiscriminately.
As hard as it may seem, try to be strong and try to cultivate your own sense of independence.... not suggesting to become a solitary person, by any means, of course.... just to to reduce that sense of separation. If it gets really bad, ask some friends if you can crash at their place, or have a sleep over, or do something to break the pattern

[Brawl]

What terrible advice everyone is giving ... send me a pic with your phone # then we'll see our course of action .





Seriously ... love yourself 1st then you'll be ready to love someone else .

[CrazyK]

Focus on yourself for a while, enjoy the friends you still have around, and start trying to alter your mentality that you need some one. Take life like your a traveller just passing through, never too attached to anything.

[Shouji]

Well at least you had love. I'm 18 and never even been kissed O.o

[JoseAlonso]

I just have all the fun in the world just about every single day in my life. That seems to be a good philosophy with my relationship as well. As far as your problems go, I would suggest that maybe you shouldn't set expectations out of people and maybe you shouldn't take people so serious at your age. Everybody seems to want to grow up fast and we see exactly how that turns out. I say to hell with the drama and dependancy and have fun with yourself, then go about your business.

[bigred1974]

I think the loneliness can be more difficult for some people than others, but I have seen people who hate to be alone leave one broken relationship just to leap right into another one indiscriminately.
As hard as it may seem, try to be strong and try to cultivate your own sense of independence.... not suggesting to become a solitary person, by any means, of course.... just to to reduce that sense of separation. If it gets really bad, ask some friends if you can crash at their place, or have a sleep over, or do something to break the pattern

+1 I would get something you can curl up with when you go to bed< like a body pillow, or something stuffed, (or me!) and get a TV in your room and fall asleep with that on. Its distracting enough to help you fall asleep. Ive done this myself after very miserable break ups, and while it isnt golden, its good enough. Take time out for you to be you, and be happy being single.

[builderbabe]

my best friend and i took a road trip to the beach, just spur of the moment and i think that helped a little bit. i'm trying to just focus on me. its hard.
i am used to living for someone else. i've realized that i have no idea who i am. that scares me alot but i hope that i can get thru it. i am one of those people who goes from relationship to relationship and now i am going to try to just be me. that scares me too.
=\

[McLaughlin]

It's not easy, but it's really for the best.

If you can't be comfortable with yourself, as a single person, then you can't very well expect someone else to be comfortable with you.

I went through that same problem (becoming comfortable with myself as a person, rather than myself as a significant other).

Good luck to you, I'm sure everything will work out.

[MrWebb78]

take some comfort in the fact that you are definately not alone. Most of us don't know who we are and need to define that. You are very lucky to be going through this so young, you can be patient, take your time, and learn from any mistakes you have made. You have identified the problem already, now just focus on the solution. Keep your head up girl, we are all unique. Find what your passionate about, find what you are about.

[builderbabe]

What terrible advice everyone is giving ... send me a pic with your phone # then we'll see our course of action

this made me lol

[JoseAlonso]

It's crazy how kids think about marriage. I'm 21, in a serious and fun relationship and I've yet to even think about it. If things are fine what's the necessity in taking extra steps when it could come back to bite you?. Anyway, I'm sure you've got friends and you probably go to school. I'd just say focus on self improvement, people act as if there's anything better to do than that.

[mrelwooddowd]

have you spoken to a therapist about your past? if not, it'd probably go a long way. people tend to relapse with only a one-dimensional understanding of what drives their behavior and desires.

[bigred1974]

I am going through the same thing right now myself, I had a moment of weakness last night and practically begged the ex to come over because I was lonely after my cousins wedding last night. Luckily she didnt. It is hard as hell to be alone right after a break up, you feel like the biggest piece of you is missing. I have a date tonight, hopefully itll go well, and yes its just for fun.

[Brawl]

this made me lol

Imagine what else , you me and Carrie can do .