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Trying to figure this out
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
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- Philadelphia
- Posts
- 1,336
Radical new exercise and diet regimen!
Finally. . .a lifestyle I can really stick with!
I sent an E-Mail to my doctor and asked him some very detailed questions about health and nutrition. He had some excellent advice...
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Hello..... Cocoa beans... Another vgetable!!! "It's the best feel good food around!"
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... flour is a veggie!
One more thing ... "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt.""Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein
Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head!
-- ElPietro
"If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak
"I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL
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Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2001
- Location
- Basingstoke
- Posts
- 2,240
Bollox
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Banned
- Join Date
- Mar 2002
- Location
- Kitchener, ON
- Posts
- 11,342
LOL!
Too funny.
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Re: Radical new exercise and diet regimen!
Originally posted by JohnCollins
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Is that true, because while I think it's not, I'm not sure because I've heard that before.
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Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Location
- The Beach, Sydney
- Posts
- 0
LMFAO!!!!
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No me llames cerdo...
- Join Date
- Aug 2002
- Location
- Cd. Juarez, Mexico
- Posts
- 1,969
So now it turns out I was living the right way up until 5 months ago when I started working out. Well, I'll be damned. I'm going to print this out and show it to my wife and give her hell for making me change my healthy way of life.
Edgar V.
So you don't wanna get big, do you?
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"If your arm measurement is currently 13 inches, you are worrying about the wrong things. Quit comparing to others, quit worrying about little details, get your ass in the gym, work as hard as you can, then go eat something. Repeat until huge." - Paul Stagg
"There is no miracle "look good" diet/pill other than determination and commitment" - geoffgarcia
"Freaking lift to get bigger, or stronger, or better at your damn sport, and quit worrying about weather or not your arm is 16 inches or 16.2 inches." - Paul Stagg
"If you want to look like Brad Pitt go run a marathon or something." - Severed Ties
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Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2002
- Location
- Toronto
- Posts
- 2,358
LOL
Milk is the best Supplement
Well my friends think I'm ugly
I got a masculine face - Tom Waits.
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Re: Re: Radical new exercise and diet regimen!
I hope you're joking..Originally posted by Ritzol
Is that true, because while I think it's not, I'm not sure because I've heard that before.
I hope everyone knows that's a joke...
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"Tuna Boy"
- Join Date
- Jan 2002
- Location
- Central, MA
- Posts
- 3,377
Re: Re: Re: Radical new exercise and diet regimen!
Um...dude, that is true for the most part. Sit-ups do not give you a flat stomach, they simply get your abs into better shape under the fat.Originally posted by Spawn_X
I hope you're joking..
I hope everyone knows that's a joke..."damn...can't beat logic like that.
NAte is exactly right." - Tryska
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"Tuna Boy"
- Join Date
- Jan 2002
- Location
- Central, MA
- Posts
- 3,377
Re: Re: Radical new exercise and diet regimen!
I guess the part about that that is true is that sit-ups will not give you a hard stomach. The part that is false is that you should only do sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.Originally posted by Ritzol
Is that true, because while I think it's not, I'm not sure because I've heard that before."damn...can't beat logic like that.
NAte is exactly right." - Tryska
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"Originally posted by JohnCollins
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach."
Only part that's true is the Definitely not! The reasoning for it and the rest is a fib - that is what I was referring to.
Didn't really mean to say that situps help u lose your belly.. they don't help for ****.Last edited by Spawn_X; 08-23-2002 at 02:59 PM.
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LMAO!
...watch me reap of what I sow....
and BOOM goes the dynomite!
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Player Hater
- Join Date
- Feb 2001
- Location
- Ft. Lauderdale, FL
- Posts
- 7,850
Re: Re: Radical new exercise and diet regimen!
Don't make me start with the blond jokes.Originally posted by Ritzol
Is that true, because while I think it's not, I'm not sure because I've heard that before.Vin Diesel has a fever.. and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Budiak: That girl I maced
Budiak: macked
Budiak: heh maced
Budiak: I wish
ShmrckPmp5: a good thing people can't fire guns through the computer...your ass would have been shot years ago
Y2A 47: youre smooth as hell
Y2A 47: thats why you get outta tickets, and into panties
galileo: you're a fucking beast and I hate you
galileo: hate
assgrabbers are never subtile, they will grabb ass whereever they go,public or not, I know the type, because I am one. - Rock
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Trying to figure this out
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Location
- Philadelphia
- Posts
- 1,336
Oh, PLEEEZ do. Another thread????
"Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein
Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro
"If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak
"I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL
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Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
- Location
- Foot up TCD's ass
- Posts
- 2,169
LOL!!!
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