dieting caused me to develop a binge eating disorder

[crunch]

i posted this message originally @ elitefitness.com
thought you guys might be interested:

the link is:
http://boards.elitefitness.com/forum...hreadid=182390


Ok heres the story:

I started eating clean about a year ago, by this i mean going a week, and then eating a little junk or drinking on the weekends.
This was normal and fine with me, i was not really bulking or cutting, just working out, and staying lean.

This last summer I started my first actual cutting attempt/diet. --my first real diet restrictions:

I would consume a diet of about 100-150C a day 200G protien, and 30G fat, i was doing cardio 4X a week, and lifting 3 or 4X a week.

I was able to go a week at a time, then every sunday i would binge on anything i could get my hands on, consuming copious amounts of junk all day, the calories easily were in the 10,000's, i would eat untill i felt sick.

Monday i would wake up and diet again all week, then do the same thing on the weekend - BINGE.

I did this from June untill September.--every single weekend, i gave myself the excuse that I was "REFEEDING" and it was ok.

I got results, i did get cut up.

1 month ago i broke up with my girlfriend (which was my motivation to cut up), and who would not witness theese massive binges over the summer...and i got depressed, my motivation to continue to work out dropped. I was planning on trying to cut up to 175 and have my bf @ 6-7% - then begin a reasonable bulking diet.
I binged almost every day for 2 weeks, mostly just at night, getting sick from it, -stopped doing my cardio and worked out only a few times.

I balloned up to 198 in 2 weeks...ALMOST 25 LBS. most of it is probably water and carbs, but it has to bee a good amount of fat as well.

Im now at 194-i ruined my attempt at a clean bulk, and now im flabbly, lost all my cuts, my abs have disappeared.

After my summer of cutting ive lost strenght, probably some muscle, and because of the binging ive been doing ive gained fat. Now i have to go backwards.....i want to be lean.

The problem is i just cannot control my urges to eat, last night i was at 1800 cals -my jperferred amount for the day in attempt to lose the weight i had gained over the past 3 weeks, was ready for bed, decided to have one more "myoplex" - that led to a binge consisting of:
3 more shakes
2 cups of oatmeal
1 can of tuna in a wrap

now at least it was clean food, but i felt sick from eating it, stomach all bloated.

Before I ever restricted anything from my diet i would not eat if i felt full, i had a hard time eating 3 arbys roast beef sandwhiches, now 5 of them are nothing and that was just a small part of one of my binges. People who witness me eating 4 pints of ben and jerrys are amazed that I am not fat, and that i can eat that much.....however this used to be a once a week thing, its spilling over to other days - I eat, feel full, sick, and eat some more, untill the point that breathing becomes heavy because my stomach is pushing up and blocking my airway or something -it is hard to even bend over im so stuffed, sometimes i wait and when i can eat a little more, i will in the next hour or so, however i do not throw up, nor try to throw up, i do feel guilt, that leads to more depression, which makes me more vuneralble to more binging, i also do not try to do mass cardio or anything to counter my binge.


i have to run to class now but does anyone have any advice? Ive tried writing everything down, cals and all, i didn't help. I cannot have just a little junk, i have to eat it all if its there. It used to just be junk, cereal or whatever, its starting to become lots of "clean" food too. Ive eaten just fruit once untill i was sick - 8 apples? I mean comon this is a serious disorder. Im driving to the store, buying 20 bucks worth of nothing put trash, and gorging on it, hardly enjoying it. - its like i like the pain from overeating or something, like a punishment?????

I waxed off a box of twinkies and a box of granola bars 2 nights ago, theres no way i can just eat 1 of them, its so wierd. I guess i think if its all gone then i wont eat more of it the next day. HELP!


later.
CRunch

[Tryska]

you might wanna talk to a therapist or ED counselor first. It's obvious you are reaching out, but we can't help you. You've gotta help yourself with this one bud. We'll definitely give you support tho. there's no quick easy fix.

[Alex.V]

Crunch. I've been there, man. Every word you're saying.

alv3@duke.edu

e-mail me.

[Shao-LiN]

Discipline. You just have to know when to say, "I'm full." That's something that I think you just need to drill into your head.

I used to eat everything in site, I was always hungry too. You just need to convince yourself what you want more, the large amounts of food or the healthy body.

[raniali]

pleez - get help
if you are a student, i am sure there are available counselors for you to talk to

[Stray]

I wouldn't blame dieting as much as I would depression.

[SJB]

It sounds like what should have been normal transient depression following the breakup has turned into a serious chemical imbalance. Low serotonin can cause the kinds of binges you're describing - where you feel physically full but you're still craving food, especially carbs.

I'd see a doctor if I were you.

[Yanick]

What Stray said. Its not really the diet (can't blame low leptin etc. as the calorie flux will be highly positive). Its nothing physiological. It has to be psychological.

You mentioned breaking up with your girlfriend and that she was the reason you were cutting up (your motivation). You mentioned depression (from the break up). Have you stopped hanging out with your friends? Dating girls?

You just need some more motivation in your life. Maybe try to switch things up. Go on a new training routine, start seeing gains and you will be motivated as hell.

Go talk to someone, it doesn't even need to be a 'shrink' maybe call your mom, or dad. Talk to your best friend about it. If you feel comfortable of course go see a counselor or something. I just know, for me, i wouldn't be able to open up to a complete stranger like that, i would rather talk to my brother/mother/father/friend.

Just get some help with this, and good luck. We'll be here to support you bro.

[Alex.V]

Originally posted by raniali

if you are a student, i am sure there are available counselors for you to talk to

Worthless, in many cases. Sad to say.

[SJB]

Originally posted by Yanick
What Stray said. Its not really the diet (can't blame low leptin etc. as the calorie flux will be highly positive). Its nothing physiological. It has to be psychological.

It may have started as purely psychological, due to the breakup, but strangely enough, depression can cause chemical changes in the brain that can deepen and perpetuate the depression. That sounds like it could be the case here.

You mentioned breaking up with your girlfriend and that she was the reason you were cutting up (your motivation). You mentioned depression (from the break up). Have you stopped hanging out with your friends? Dating girls?

You just need some more motivation in your life. Maybe try to switch things up. Go on a new training routine, start seeing gains and you will be motivated as hell.

Go talk to someone, it doesn't even need to be a 'shrink' maybe call your mom, or dad. Talk to your best friend about it. If you feel comfortable of course go see a counselor or something. I just know, for me, i wouldn't be able to open up to a complete stranger like that, i would rather talk to my brother/mother/father/friend.

Just get some help with this, and good luck. We'll be here to support you bro.

Not to be obnoxious or anything, but you've never been truly depressed, or been close to a depressed person, have you? It often is physiological, and just talking to someone or trying to get motivated without correcting the chemical imbalance is an exercise in futility.

[Yanick]

SJB,

nope i've never been close to anyone or ever been in a severe depression. I was just trying to give him some friendly advice. As i have been there before. Not the exact same situation but similar. Rejected by a girl, lost motivation, gained weight, didn't want to train, eat properly etc. Except for me, after about a week or two, i got my **** together, started a new diet and got motivated again.

Being a teenager, i probably jump in and out of depression on a day to day basis. Maybe not extreme depression such as is the case here, but i have those days where i just want to sit in my room and cry or i want to just beat the living **** out of someone/something. I always manage to get my **** together though, and right now the only thing keeping me sane at this point in my life is my bodybuilding progress (its truly the only thing that matters to me).

[crunch]

hey all, thank you for the replies, im curious about what others take on the situation is....i was binging during my course of my relationship, just once a week. Even then it was uncontrollable. Its only after the breakup that i stopped working out for a while, and binged more than once in the week. so its been a persistant thing of mine for about a year now...only its gotten worse, the binges used to just be like a box of cereal and some cookies or ice cream, when now they are bigger and sadly i have gotten good at eating lots of food. i got concerned when i did it 3 nights in a row---

but on the flip side, its now day 4 of eating clean, and within my calorie range (2000). HELL YES. so im taking that as a sign of depression lifting and this disorder simmering down. i still need to make get it out of my life however. I am going to talk to a professional because it is a sign of clinical depression.

[SJB]

Originally posted by Yanick
SJB,

nope i've never been close to anyone or ever been in a severe depression. I was just trying to give him some friendly advice. As i have been there before. Not the exact same situation but similar. Rejected by a girl, lost motivation, gained weight, didn't want to train, eat properly etc. Except for me, after about a week or two, i got my **** together, started a new diet and got motivated again.

Right, and that's the difference - for whatever reason, some people develop chemical imbalances and can't just get their stuff together, no matter how much they want to.

Being a teenager, i probably jump in and out of depression on a day to day basis. Maybe not extreme depression such as is the case here, but i have those days where i just want to sit in my room and cry or i want to just beat the living **** out of someone/something. I always manage to get my **** together though, and right now the only thing keeping me sane at this point in my life is my bodybuilding progress (its truly the only thing that matters to me).

Yes, if I remember correctly, being a teenager is tough, for a lot of reasons. However, I've spent quite a bit of time around true depressives, and it's a different thing from normal teenage turmoil.

[Tryska]

2000 seems a little low to begin with.

as a male at your weight, i would prolly be taking in about 2500.

on another note....there's more to it than just depression. talk to b. he'll be able to def help you out.

[MonStar]

crunch:

I have been there man Jesus, I have completely been there. I know exactly what youre going through. I used to call it, "going off my diet." And I would just pig out completely. I mean totally pig the f*ck out on everything in sight. It got to the point where I was constantly "off my diet" and gaining loads of fat and water weight, etc.

I seriously am going to recommend for you what I have done with GREAT results. Eat whatever you want, I mean whatever the f*ck you want. Fast food, candy bars, soda, and just make sure you get enough protein---which usually isnt bad, and eat 15 x your BW. I am 200 lbs. and have been eating around 3000 calories of junkfood for around 2-3 months now. Worked WONDERS man. I dont binge anymore at all, and I have no desire too. Sometimes Ill have a big day of 5000 calories, but I try to make sure thats not a regular thing.

Check out my journal in the online journals board. Good luck.

[Maki Riddington]

I would not suggest Monstar's plan.
I think it's an awful way to eat.

Talk to Belial.

[Carstondrummer]

Crunch, man, I did the same thing. Over the summer I started dieting, and every night, after a hard day of eating so well, I would just binge like crazy. I would eat a whole coffeecake at a time, then go for 6 bowls of cereal, and still want more! It sounds ridiculous, but its so possible. I think it all has to do with your emotions. Definately try to keep busy. I noticed that if I didnt have time to think about eating, or just to binge at all, you're gonna lose the habbit. Also, cheer up man. Be happy, you'll appreciate your self more and luckily stop binging. Good luck.

[FuriousFerret]

I used to do that stuff big time. I think there is no problem with binging, it's a natural order. Our bodies want to be full all the time and be fat, that's the way we were designed. That's why it takes discipline to eat right.

I use the term 'food is not a form of entertainment' when I cut and that belief really helps me out.