Wedding presents

[geoffgarcia]

I'm new to the whole wedding world and find myself with 4 coming up over the next 5 months.
I'm trying to decide what would be appropriate for presents (cash value).

I'm going to attend 3 of the bachelor parties (but wont be in any of the weddings)

My brother insists in a flat rate of 200$ per wedding regardless of how well he knows them or what his part is in the wedding.

He says the whole "registry" thing is for girls and family.

I'm not rich and I'm not poor, and while I am happy to be going to the weddings and happy for the couples I'm not one to dish out money without abandon.
I'm just wondering what the "average" would be.

This is as best I can think to break down the relationships to those getting married, so if ya could toss a price at each level that would help! I have three #3's and one #4 to attend this summer.
1. best friend, sibling, very close family member
2. in the wedding party
3. going to bachelor/bridesmaid events, but not in wedding party
4. attending the wedding
5. going as a guest, no idea who is getting married

[Roark]

$200 flat rate sounds pretty high imo

i would definitely gift according to the relationship

[Lox]

a toaster. 2 slice ones are good if you they are the extra wide for bagel ones.

[ElPietro]

I went to 3 weddings this summer. For friends I'd give $100, for good friends I'd give $200. If it was a best friend I dunno what I'd do. Maybe $4-500. Or at that point I might think of a gift of some kind.

[Tryska]

50 bucks.

[gopher]

1. $200
2. $100
3. $50 if you are going alone $100 if you have a date
4. $50 if you are going alone $100 If you have a date
5. Nothing, your date is the one who was invited and should be bringing the gift.

[ElPietro]

Your gift should at least cover the cost per plate of the wedding.

[Tryska]

that's an interesting way to look at it. seems fair too.

but how does a polite guest figure out the cost per plate?

[ElPietro]

You can usually find out through friends I think. But if you know enough weddings you can sorta ballpark it. If you know it's budget, then the cost might not be that much. Most of the time the plate cost will be in the $50-80 range I believe. It can get A LOT higher than that though.

[meltedtime]

I agree with covering the cost of the plate for friend or associate. Give more for good friends and family.

[MixmasterNash]

No matter how much you give in $$$ terms, give FOOD and DRINK.

The best channukah gift I ever got was a pound of thin sliced proscuitto.

[GrumpyTX]

I would have preferred money or some "toys" to use on the honeymoon.

Most couples have all the kitchen and furniture stuff anyways.


Just give them some cash.

[Tryska]

The best channukah gift I ever got was a pound of thin sliced proscuitto.

there's irony in this somewhere......

[MixmasterNash]

there's irony in this somewhere......

No irony; I'm a Southern, gun toting, pork eatin' Jew. I grew up on pulled pork, sliced pork, cured pork, roasted pork.. you get the idea.

Food is the best gift of all!

[Focused70]

How about some tasso?

I'd post a pic of it but Mixmaster would beat the snot outta me.

Stash

[Tryska]

No irony; I'm a Southern, gun toting, pork eatin' Jew. I grew up on pulled pork, sliced pork, cured pork, roasted pork.. you get the idea.

Food is the best gift of all!

"shalom y'all."


even tho there's only one of you - i get a kick out of hearing that.

[ectx]

Honestly, give what you can afford. If you don't have $800 to give...then don't. As a rule of thumb I try and at least cover the cost of the plate of food I'm consuming. You'd be surprised how expensive they can get. My close bud spent $18,000 on his alcohol bill alone. Anyhow...I was his best man and had already spent a lot on the bachelor party and power-tool shower. I opted for something more meaningful than useful and expensive. It sits over their mantle to this day.

[Tryska]

you bought them a mounted deer-head?

[Roark]

as far as the per-plate idea

that's not bad, but i've gone to a few weddings that have obviously been small-town "pissing contests" as to what daddy could spend the most money on their little sweetheart's wedding.

there's a difference between parents/couples trying to have a nice wedding, and the local bigshot dropping 100k on every imaginable amenity to make a statement

in those cases, i say just put a hurting on the open bar and call it a night

[Relentless]

1. best friend, sibling, very close family member
2. in the wedding party
3. going to bachelor/bridesmaid events, but not in wedding party
4. attending the wedding
5. going as a guest, no idea who is getting married

My rules of thumb:
1. Give whatever you can afford and is appropriate to your friendship. My best friends I would give the shirt off my back to, so nothing's too good for them. One of my best friends recently got married, and I shelled out an extra $400 on top of the $500 I was already spending as a 'regular attendee' of the bachelor party (we spent about $6000 altogether on the bachelor party) to engineer the most kickass bachelor party ever (see my journal December entries for details) and then still came up with a wedding gift worth a coupla hundred bucks. But then I really love this guy. Like a brother to me. And I could afford it.

2. Somewhat less than #1, really depends on the relationship and how much you like them I guess. More than the cost of a plate, less than the all out effort described above. I usually try to get something sentimental or cool if I'm in the wedding party, MCing the wedding, etc. This is usually the area of more exotic silverware and china, fancier appliances, etc.

3. this is the same as #4 IMHO; guys get invited to the bachelor party because it's a good time. Girls get invited to the showers, etc. so the bride can get more girly gifts. Feh. You're a slightly more exalted guest maybe, but you're still just a guest. last wedding I was at like this I gave them a nice microwave oven from their registry (guys like microwave ovens, this is not QUITE a departure from my rule about guy gifts, below).

4. Pietro has the best suggestion. If you can afford it, and you're invited to the wedding, you should get a gift that at least covers the cost of the food and drink they provide to you. If it's a ritzy place and a great dinner with an open bar, you should be dishing out more. if they cheap out and go buffet/cash bar, you can feel free to spend less. This is usually the small appliance/place setting/crockery/etc. region.

5. You're someone else's guest that was brought along to the wedding as their "+1"? They are responsible for getting a gift that covers you.


An important rule of thumb? If it's a male friend of mine (as opposed to a family friend, or one of my wife's family, etc.), I ALWAYS get a gift skewed to the man. Power tools, sports gear, other manly things. Why? 90%+ of all wedding crap is essentially for the girl.

How many guys do you know that really WANT 3 kinds of chafing dish, extra place settings of Royal Doulton Precious Rose china, or ANOTHER set of crystal candle holders or (worse yet) those awful silver or gilt picture frames? Damn close to zero, that's how many. I make my wedding gift choices based on a desire to rebel against tradition and ensure that the groom gets a gift that he will like, use and cherish.

[sublime99]

Etiquette is minimum 50.00

[crazedwombat]

get a gift. handcuffs and chains for the guy and a whip for the girl. Nothing S&M. I just figure now that the poor guy is tied down, his opinions may find themselves on the end of a whip.

[Allie]

Well after being the maid of honor this past weekend. I always try to think of something "practicle" and/or "meaningful". Those are your best bets. I personally think money is a great gift. Most places that the couple have registered at give them a big fat discount on stuff they registered for and didn't get. Plus they can always use it for home repairs (the bride will always be able to find something on a new home to fix...it's genetic). Ettiquette is $50 for a person $100 per couple. Or you can buy them something off of their registry...

[Gyno Rhino]

$50 unless it's a close friend or family member. At that point, I decide on completely individual. (For instance, I might get my best friend or brother an $800 rifle).

[Drheckler]

Gift cerificates or cold hard cash is the way to go.