Stupid *** Jerk Needs A Pounding

**-TIM-** · 12-09-2005 04:06 PM

There's this girl that works at my part-time job, at the gym, who just tried to leave her live-in boyfriend. This guy is horribly jealous and controlling. He told her that he would kill her if she ever left, and won't let her talk to any guys when they are out. Not even friends of hers. My GF and I have hung out with this couple a few times, and would have never known the real Brett until just recently when she told a few of us about him at work.

Anyway, she packed up some of her things and came to my GF's sister's apartment while he was at work the other night. She said she was going to stay at her parents when they got home for the evening, but ended up going back to her apartment with her boyfriend. She called in sick to work the next day. We don't think he did anything to her, but she's so stupid for going back. I guess when she did, he took a couple swings at her, but stopped just short of her face. Then said the next time it happened, he would land those punches.

This guy deserves a serious pounding. But how can you feel sorry for a girl that stays with a guy like this. She also has a little boy, so he's in danger too. I really don't know what I'll say to this guy the next time he comes to the gym, but I feel like giving him a piece of my mind. But that could make things really bad for her. Who knows, maybe he'd beat her up for telling people about him. Don't really know how to handle this, but I'd love to mop the floor with him.

**Gyno Rhino** · 12-09-2005 04:15 PM

I'd beat him up for not hitting her, too.

What a wimp - threatening to punch her lights out and then backing down.

**PowerManDL** · 12-09-2005 04:17 PM

Burn his house down.

**mrelwooddowd** · 12-09-2005 04:18 PM

Until you REALLY get to know someone who's in a situation like that, and know what makes that person (the victim) tick--such as how they grew up, etc., you'll never understand why they keep going back. Her tolerance for violence, based on how she grew up, may be MUCH higher than yours. She may be a fiercely loyal person, because she had no one to stick by HER when she was growing up. That in itself is enough to keep people going back to abusive co-dependent relationships time and time again.

Sometimes, it takes something VERY violent, or the victim finally becoming introspective and learning about why they are who they are, for the cycle to end.

It's all very interesting, and sad at the same time. But think of it like this...

If you grew up in a house where violence was a daily occurrence and, although you swore you'd never BE violent to your own children, don't you think that someone raising a hand to you here and there would be MUCH easier to take (because you also see ALL of the good in them first, of course)?

**mrelwooddowd** · 12-09-2005 04:18 PM

Ask this girl if either of her parents was an alcoholic, and report back..

**galileo** · 12-09-2005 04:21 PM

I'd be willing to bet that if someone treated her well, she'd never stick around.

**David** · 12-09-2005 04:25 PM

Tim, I'll be over in half an hour with my 21 inch

**Hatred** · 12-09-2005 04:25 PM

Agreed.
This situation is playing all over the world. And also right down the street from me.
Thankfully it took him breaking her arm in two places for them to split up...only for her to crawl back to him....and HE wants the divorce.
Heh. I made sure to get him thrown in the slammer though...

**mrelwooddowd** · 12-09-2005 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Hatred

Agreed.
This situation is playing all over the world. And also right down the street from me.
Thankfully it took him breaking her arm in two places for them to split up...only for her to crawl back to him....and HE wants the divorce.
Heh. I made sure to get him thrown in the slammer though...

It was her fault, dude..she knows this

Co-dependent relationships are a bitch.

**Shark** · 12-09-2005 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by Gyno Rhino

I'd beat him up for not hitting her, too.

What a wimp - threatening to punch her lights out and then backing down.

Seriously, otherwise its just incinsere. For real though, i used to volunteer at a battered womens shelter in college and the things some of these women would say just blew my mind.

**sCaRz*Of*PaiN** · 12-09-2005 04:34 PM

But how can you feel sorry for a girl that stays with a guy like this.

She's probably afraid of leaving him.

**galileo** · 12-09-2005 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by sCaRz*Of*PaiN

She's probably afraid of leaving him.

If that's true, she's an idiot or not very resourceful. I could disappear pretty fast if I had the need.

**-TIM-** · 12-09-2005 05:46 PM

My first thought was just like elwood's. Her upbringing conditioned her stay with someone who is abusive. It still sucks though. I think I'll tell this guy he's a pussy and to expect company if she ever comes to work with so much as a scratch.

**Gyno Rhino** · 12-09-2005 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by sCaRz*Of*PaiN

She's probably afraid of leaving him.

Not because he'll hurt her.

She's afraid of leaving him because she doesn't think she can find a guy that'll pay as much attention to her.

Chicks love attention: GOOD or BAD.

**MrWebb78** · 12-10-2005 12:22 AM

She has no self worth. Kicking this guy's butt wouldn't do anything. Helping her would not be hard, but it would take time. If you really care, give her support. Let the guy move on to his next victim.

**Gyno Rhino** · 12-10-2005 12:48 AM

Originally Posted by MrWebb78

She has no self worth. Licking this guy's butt wouldn't do anything. Helping her would make me hard, but it would take time. If you really care, give her schlonk.

Hmm.. Interesting take on the situation.

**AllUp** · 12-10-2005 12:53 AM

Lamer.

Best thing she could do is leave - not only for her, but her kid. He shouldn't be growing up in an abusive/hostile atmosphere.

She needs to gtfo and quit being a tool.

**biggimp** · 12-10-2005 01:57 AM

a lot of the times, the people that are being abused figure, well he abuses me because im not good enough, but at least he cares/pays attention to me. obviously im not good enough, so if i left him nobody would want me."

**Relentless** · 12-10-2005 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Tim Nissen

My first thought was just like elwood's. Her upbringing conditioned her stay with someone who is abusive. It still sucks though. I think I'll tell this guy he's a pussy and to expect company if she ever comes to work with so much as a scratch.

Uttering threats probably isn't the smartest thing you could do in this situation for any number of reasons.

Why don't you instead focus your energy on being supportive to the girl?

SW · 12-10-2005 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by Gyno Rhino

Not because he'll hurt her.

She's afraid of leaving him because she doesn't think she can find a guy that'll pay as much attention to her.

Chicks love attention: GOOD or BAD.

This is why she'll never become introspective. As young as I am, I've seen several instances of it and talked to some of the women, and thought they were complete ******s. I don't feel sorry for people who come back, they've made their decision. But that still doesn't change the fact I'd be all for Tim beating the **** out of any scum who'd touch a woman.

**razorcut** · 12-10-2005 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by mrelwooddowd

Ask this girl if either of her parents was an alcoholic, and report back..

Or better yet, ask about her father's role in her life while she was in the pre-teen/early-teen years.

**Y0yo** · 12-10-2005 09:17 AM

They go back because they don't know where else to go. It's not stupidity, it's just a lack of information. If they had the right information and knew exactly what would happen if they left, they most likely would. The problem here is that after leaving it's often hard to guarrantee anything.

If her father isn't doing anything about this, I'd have to ask why. If my daughter were getting her ass kicked, I'd kill the mofo!! Then plead insanity, sell the movie rights and live like a king.

**RickTheDestroyer** · 12-10-2005 09:26 AM

I suspect that many of us have no idea how the mind of a battered woman ticks (Chris Russow aside). My understanding is that often they aren't very resourceful and generally don't see ways out or other options.

She does need to get the **** out of there ASAP. Tim- try to set her up with a shelter for battered women and then go castrate the SOB with a rusty machete.

**razorcut** · 12-10-2005 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by Y0yo

If her father isn't doing anything about this, I'd have to ask why.

It's not a matter of what her father isn't doing now. It's what her father didn't do 10 years ago.

**briancurran01** · 12-10-2005 10:08 AM

Originally Posted by xian

If that's true, she's an idiot or not very resourceful. I could disappear pretty fast if I had the need.

and you arent the woman that is being beat or threatened. Hard to make statements like that, when you arent the one in the situation

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