The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Wannabebig Member
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    Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven

    Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

    When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

    So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

    Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

    St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

    The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

    The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

    She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

    St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

    The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

    The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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  3. #2
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    No offense but not only is that not funny but it makes no sense at all. Why on earth would ducks be all over the place in any heaven of any religion and why would you be punished so severely in heaven?
    Getting back in the groove
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  4. #3
    Banned bjohnso's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jordanbcool View Post
    No offense but not only is that not funny but it makes no sense at all. Why on earth would ducks be all over the place in any heaven of any religion and why would you be punished so severely in heaven?
    It's a joke. It's not grounded in reality.

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jordanbcool View Post
    No offense but not only is that not funny but it makes no sense at all. Why on earth would ducks be all over the place in any heaven of any religion and why would you be punished so severely in heaven?
    Sometimes your reactions to things are completely ridiculous.
    Been out the game for a little while, but jumpin back in

  6. #5
    WBB's Juggernaut/Liason BigCorey75's Avatar
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    Three nuns die and go to heaven..



    peter says welcome my sisters you are in heaven but before you can inter you have to be cleansed so take what ever part of your body that you have sinned with the most and cleanse it in our tub of faith


    so the first nun walks up and says oh gracious peter, ive sinned and done improper sexual acts with men usisng my hands while in the sisterhood. peter says your forgiven sister now go wash your hands and go into heaven. so she walks over washed her hands, the gates open and she enters.


    the second nun walks up and says oh peter i have commited great sins. then all of a sudden the third nun jumps in front of her and says peter ive commited sins to but can i wash my mouth out before this bitch puts her ass in it???
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  7. #6
    Cross trainer & DL addict mikesbytes's Avatar
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    This bloke dies and goes to heaven, when he gets there, Peter says, I've got some spare time, so I'll show you around.

    Over here we have the buddists, over here we have the atheists, over here we have the Muslims. Then they come upon a big wall. Whats over there Peter? Thats the Catholics, they like to think they are are the only ones here.

  8. #7
    Senior Member tomv's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikesbytes View Post
    This bloke dies and goes to heaven, when he gets there, Peter says, I've got some spare time, so I'll show you around.

    Over here we have the buddists, over here we have the atheists, over here we have the Muslims. Then they come upon a big wall. Whats over there Peter? Thats the Catholics, they like to think they are are the only ones here.
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  9. #8
    General of Froot Soldiers TwiloMike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomv View Post
    elohel
    x2. That's my favorite so far.
    Homer Simpson - "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."
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  10. #9
    Senior Member wontstop's Avatar
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    An engineer dies and is sent to hell. He finds it very unpleasant and begins to fix things up. He installs escalators and eventually air conditioning in all the places; and everyone likes him down in hell, and he finds it not so bad after all.
    One day God calls up Satan and asks how things are going down in hell. He says its great, that the engineer that was recently sent there has fixed up the place and they now have escalators and air conditioning everywhere. God becomes outraged, "What!? An engineer, how did you get an engineer? There must be some mistake, your not supposed to be sent engineers, I demand you send him up here." Satan replies, " No, hes good to have around, you can't have him." God says,"If you don't send him up here, I'll sue you." Satan merely laughs and says,"Yeah, and where are you going to find a lawyer up there?"

    sry if that offends any lawyers that might be in here, but I thought it was funny.
    Last edited by wontstop; 10-11-2007 at 05:59 AM.
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  11. #10
    mind/body zen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wontstop View Post
    sry if that offends any lawyers that might be in here, but I thought it was funny.
    lawyers love those jokes. what do you think they talk about at bars when not talking shop



    Last edited by zen; 10-11-2007 at 07:41 AM.
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  12. #11
    Senior Member Phenom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jordanbcool View Post
    No offense but not only is that not funny but it makes no sense at all. Why on earth would ducks be all over the place in any heaven of any religion and why would you be punished so severely in heaven?
    You can't be serious
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  13. #12
    cakin Cirino83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Talking_God View Post
    A lot of the time your reactions to things are completely ridiculous.
    no wonder you hadda eat soap.



    to the OP...i enjoyed it
    Last edited by Cirino83; 10-11-2007 at 11:43 AM.

  14. #13
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    haha jordanbcool cracks me up

  15. #14
    Wannabebig Member PHILSTER's Avatar
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    haha that's so bad lol
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  16. #15
    Only happy when bulking radioheadhead's Avatar
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    A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this guys, a joke?"
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  17. #16
    Grammar Nazi BG5150's Avatar
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    A rabbi, an imam and a lama walk into a bar. The priest ducks.
    There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
    Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
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  18. #17
    Couldn't find IAMBUFF.COM
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    The easter bunny, santa claus and JordanBCool walk into a bar, instantly the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus disappear...JordanBCool looks over and says "This joke doesn't suit me either!"

  19. #18
    WBB's Juggernaut/Liason BigCorey75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nddillon View Post
    The easter bunny, santa claus and JordanBCool walk into a bar, instantly the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus disappear...JordanBCool looks over and says "This joke doesn't suit me either!"
    ha, nice one
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  20. #19
    Only happy when bulking radioheadhead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nddillon View Post
    The easter bunny, santa claus and JordanBCool walk into a bar, instantly the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus disappear...JordanBCool looks over and says "This joke doesn't suit me either!"
    I don't get this.
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  21. #20
    Only happy when bulking radioheadhead's Avatar
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    A bus full of REALLY ugly people drove off a cliff and everyone died. At the pearly gates, St. Peter that because of the tragedy and their shortened lives that each of them would get one wish granted before entering Heaven. The woman first in line thought for a moment, and then said "I want to be beautiful, like a model". *POOF* instantly she is a knockout, drop-dead gorgeous. The others behind her in line get the idea and follow suit, each wishing to be handsome, beautiful, etc. Finally St. Peter asks the last ugly dude in line what his wish is, and he says "Aw, hell, make them all ugly again."
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  22. #21
    ANVIL POWER Detard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by radioheadhead View Post
    A bus full of REALLY ugly people drove off a cliff and everyone died. At the pearly gates, St. Peter that because of the tragedy and their shortened lives that each of them would get one wish granted before entering Heaven. The woman first in line thought for a moment, and then said "I want to be beautiful, like a model". *POOF* instantly she is a knockout, drop-dead gorgeous. The others behind her in line get the idea and follow suit, each wishing to be handsome, beautiful, etc. Finally St. Peter asks the last ugly dude in line what his wish is, and he says "Aw, hell, make them all ugly again."
    LOL. Best one so far.
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  23. #22
    I sleep with pizza Rusty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Detard View Post
    LOL. Best one so far.


    I elloweld.
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  24. #23
    Senior Member Invain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigCorey75 View Post
    Three nuns die and go to heaven..



    peter says welcome my sisters you are in heaven but before you can inter you have to be cleansed so take what ever part of your body that you have sinned with the most and cleanse it in our tub of faith


    so the first nun walks up and says oh gracious peter, ive sinned and done improper sexual acts with men usisng my hands while in the sisterhood. peter says your forgiven sister now go wash your hands and go into heaven. so she walks over washed her hands, the gates open and she enters.


    the second nun walks up and says oh peter i have commited great sins. then all of a sudden the third nun jumps in front of her and says peter ive commited sins to but can i wash my mouth out before this bitch puts her ass in it???
    I pick this one. BigCory's got some style.
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  25. #24
    WBB's Juggernaut/Liason BigCorey75's Avatar
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    thanx for the vote invain, even thou u keep spelling my name wrong i can feel the love...lol
    Why live if one can not Deadlift?- John Paul Sigmasson

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    Reason and Logic trump religion- Me

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  26. #25
    II MrWebb78's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by radioheadhead View Post
    A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this guys, a joke?"
    Golden.
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