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Thread: need advice.

  1. #1
    :) builderbabe's Avatar
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    need advice.

    i'm in a relationship;; about 2 months in.
    the guy is throwing the L word around, and he thinks this is getting really serious really fast.
    here's the problem. i am really just not feeling it.
    i just got out of my marriage, and he's a good guy, but i'm not looking to be in love or even a really serious relationship.
    how do i get out without making him hate me? i mean, later on i might want to be with him but right now i'm just not ready.
    help?
    5'9" 187lbs.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member BFGUITAR's Avatar
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    Tell him you got out of a marriage and your not looking for love right now. 2 months is really fast too, I think it's his problem really. Anyone who throws the L word around that quick seems like a clinger IMO...

  3. #3
    Ash "Money" Hegde Y2A's Avatar
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    If he's throwing around the L word, there's no nice way to let him go. On the flip side, if he's throwing it around when its not really that serious, he is probably a sucker and will take you back later.
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  4. #4
    Back in business WBBIRL's Avatar
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    Be honest with him honey.

    Coming from a guy who's been in this situation (not exactly but very close) you just need to let him know that you do like him, you want to continue to date him but love just isn't in the cards right now. It's causal at this point, not attached at the hip kinda stuff. You do like him, but you don't want to make that commitment to him due to what happened and thats understandable, but on the same hand you dont wanna lead him on and you don't want to let him crash hard either.

    You gotta decide if you still wanna be with him, if so then just explain yourself but make sure he understands you care about him and you WANT to be with him but you can't give yourself 100% YET.

    If not, if he's using the L word and meaning it, then no matter what you say you'll crush him.... take it from a guy who's been there... he'll live.

  5. #5
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    Wow he's using the L word already after only two months. I've only done that when the girl tells me first and I never mean it..I just hate being mean and not saying it back. I've only made my wife wait to here the L word even after telling me and its cause she was important to me. She even waited a while to even say it even when she thought she was. I don't understand how people can be so sure there in love after such a short time. Maybe it just doesn't mean as much to them.

    Either way just be honest with him like others have said thats the best way. If hes really in love like WBBIRL said he will be hurt regardless.

  6. #6
    Senior Member youngguns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by method115 View Post
    I don't understand how people can be so sure there in love after such a short time.
    some people just know.
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  7. #7
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    In my personal opinion it sounds like he just isn't the guy for you. Be honest with him, but be prepared for him to put on a front like everything is okay but deep down he will want more. Perhaps I am being jaded but I have been that guy
    Last edited by Gabrielle; 10-11-2008 at 02:46 AM.

  8. #8
    Become Unbreakable Mark!'s Avatar
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    I'm not gonna say he isn't the guy for you, not knowing anything about the situation, but you absolutely have to let him know what you're thinking. Relationships, yes even the "not so serious ones" HAVE to be grounded by communication. Let him know that you're not looking for a serious relationship right now, and you either want to take a break or just take things one day at a time. I've told a girl I loved them in a short amount of time in a relationship, but we've been friends for over three years and still are the absolute most amazing friends you'll find, even after our relationship. I'm sorry but you've had to done something to make this guy feel this way. Either he wears his emotions on his sleeve or was provoked by something you said or did. And, some people are easy to fall in love with, you could be one of those people that make you just want to love them completely. Let him know where you stand, that's the most important thing right now. But on the other hand, the most important person here is you. If you're not ready to proceed and move forward in a relationship mentally, it's not going anywhere not matter what. Take some time, get things sorted out, and work from there. After any serious relationship, it takes time to mend a broken heart, or even a highly scarred heart, doesn't always have to be broken. Anyway, take things one day at a time, let him know that, and the very best of luck.
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  9. #9
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    People seem to make most situations in life a complication. You should just be honest with him, you can't go wrong with that. If I were in your position (and I don't want a serious relationship) I just wouldn't be in a relationship period. People nowadays get with somebody and take life WAY too serious. Have fun and live it up.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by method115 View Post
    Wow he's using the L word already after only two months. I've only done that when the girl tells me first and I never mean it..I just hate being mean and not saying it back. I've only made my wife wait to here the L word even after telling me and its cause she was important to me. She even waited a while to even say it even when she thought she was. I don't understand how people can be so sure there in love after such a short time. Maybe it just doesn't mean as much to them.

    Either way just be honest with him like others have said thats the best way. If hes really in love like WBBIRL said he will be hurt regardless.
    Most people like the idea of love and that's why they are so quick to infatuate. I've been with my lady since we were 12 *both 21* and I realized I was in love with her when I was 18, knew that I loved her when we were sitting on the swingset when we were 11 and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I remember running to my mom and asking her how I could make a girl fall in love with me, she told me to sing to her. I took her advice to the heart as I usually do and I ran back to her and sang.
    Last edited by JoseAlonso; 10-11-2008 at 04:09 AM.

  11. #11
    Lifting addict powerboy93's Avatar
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    L word=?

    lmao sorry >.<
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  12. #12
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    Cut him off. Tell him you don't feel the same way and leave it at that. This can't possibly end well so just get it over with.

  13. #13
    mrelwooddowd Patz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorge Sanchez View Post
    Cut him off. Tell him you don't feel the same way and leave it at that. This can't possibly end well so just get it over with.
    Agreed. Don't jerk him around. Be straight with him. Don't get cryptic or leave him thinking you'll change your mind soon. Just tell him you're 19, already got married way too young, and you're not about to fall in love again for at least 20 years.

    Then, hand him all his stuff.
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by builderbabe View Post
    i'm in a relationship;; about 2 months in.
    the guy is throwing the L word around, and he thinks this is getting really serious really fast.
    here's the problem. i am really just not feeling it.
    i just got out of my marriage, and he's a good guy, but i'm not looking to be in love or even a really serious relationship.
    how do i get out without making him hate me? i mean, later on i might want to be with him but right now i'm just not ready.
    help?
    You say the relationship is two months in but on the other hand you aren't looking for a serious relationship. Two month isn't long but it seems long enough to define a relationship with someone.

    Example AYou guys went on 4 dates during the two month and he is screaming," I love you"

    Example B You guys see each other every single day by face and phone during the two months.

    If the relationship is like Example B then you are misleading him by making it appear serious. I'm just curious about what kind of relationship it was during the two months?

  15. #15
    Likes to lick windows bigred1974's Avatar
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    tell him he can date my ex gf. thats enough toturn off the love button forever for anyone. bitch!!
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  16. #16
    Senior Member cphafner's Avatar
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    Be honest with him. Tell him you aren't ready for anything serious. If he really likes (or loves you) then he'll be willing to give you time
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  17. #17
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    Being a guy who wears his emotions on his sleeve, I can tell you with 100% certainty that you have to tell him how you feel and do it now. The longer you drag your feet on this, the worse he's gonna take it. Yea, it might break his heart and he may hold a grudge against you for it, but in time he just might respect you for it as he gets older. However it affects him, you can't worry about that too much. You owe it to yourself to watch out for #1 (meaning you).

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigred1974 View Post
    tell him he can date my ex gf. thats enough toturn off the love button forever for anyone. bitch!!
    Bitter much?.

  19. #19
    Wannabebig New Member
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    He's trying to get some pelt ... jeez .
    Give me your broken , give me your beaten ... I will build them up , I will lead them ... to the threshhold . Make you stronger , make you believe .

  20. #20
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    I'd tell him straight. It may turn him off and make him hate you but if it does then so be it. Theres 3 billion other fish 6 billion if your bi to choose from. So don't worry.
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  21. #21
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    Am I the only one wondering, was the guy mislead? Either he's one of them guys who fall in love with anybody he dates or the OP spent two month having an emotional outlet with this guy just for personal gain. You know having your cake and eating it too.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackboard View Post
    Am I the only one wondering, was the guy mislead? Either he's one of them guys who fall in love with anybody he dates or the OP spent two month having an emotional outlet with this guy just for personal gain. You know having your cake and eating it too.
    Does that really matter? She still has to cut him off.

  23. #23
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    Stop being shady and tell him what you told us. This is how creepy stalker guys are created, by girls who are afraid to communicate. The longer this goes on, the more likely you are kidnapped and tortured to death in some dungeon.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorge Sanchez View Post
    Does that really matter? She still has to cut him off.
    Yes it does matter because you can't play with someones emotions making everything seem all serious but suddenly bail at the last minute. I'm not saying she did but if this was the case maybe next time she needs to define the relationship right away.

    I have a hard time believing some guy is just going to come out of nowhere after two month and say " I love you. Most likely he was lead to believe the relationship was serious. So it does matter unless she want to keep repeating the same mess over and over.
    Last edited by blackboard; 10-12-2008 at 05:12 PM.

  25. #25
    :) builderbabe's Avatar
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    well, we broke up.
    it was kind of a mutual thing, but i won't bore you with the details!
    anyway, now i have time to focus on lifting, school, and just myself for a while! i'm pretty excited!
    5'9" 187lbs.
    [i'll make your heart jump like it was on cocaine]
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