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Thread: Girlfriends to friends

  1. #1
    Bad Monkey! Nights's Avatar
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    Girlfriends to friends

    What's the chances of keeping an ex as a friend? Went out with the girl for about 7 months, and it just didn't work out (mutual breakup.. just sorta grew apart as a couple). It was still fun being with her even in the end, and we share the same kind interest.. so we decided to try the "let's be friends" thing (sad as that sounds). What sorta chances do you give it?
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  2. #2
    Gettin Lean Goin_Big's Avatar
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    who knows, could become "friends with benefits"
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  3. #3
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    Depends on how mature the two of you are.
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    Shock Therapist Shocker's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Tiare
    Depends on how mature the two of you are.


    I am still friends with some of my girlfriends and that is great because they know you so well. Importantly, it is not easy to be friends and sleep with her too.

    There are other GFs that I never ever call.

  5. #5
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    I have done it in the past but I can't stand to see another guy get on them it always gets under my skin. Especially bouncing at a bar when I am supposed to be watching the crowd and I am watching my Ex grind some chump in the bar.
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  6. #6
    Equal Opportunity Offender Budiak's Avatar
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    Its a fat chance, bub.

    I had a girl tell me 'You know, the whole relationship 'thing' didnt really do it for me, so I think we should just be friends and hang out and stuff.'

    To which I hastily replied: 'No, I'm not going to be your friend after what you've done to me. I hold my friends to higher standards than that.'


    I havent spoken to that girl since we broke up. The same girl who shed tears at seeing me hurt, who truly cared about me.
    Or at least put up a pretty good front.

    To answer your question, I dont think so, especially if you 'plan' on being friends. I am now very good friends with one of my exes but it took 4 years of hating eachother, drunken'I still love you' phone calls, and chatroom brawls before we realized that we still just liked hanging out with eachother, even in non-romantically.

  7. #7
    Senior Member lick's Avatar
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    its definitely possible. Im best friends with one of my exes and I still think im madly in love with her when i see her. But she lives in a different state so it works out...But its tough at times...

  8. #8
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    Just broke up with a girl I dated on and off for about 5 years. Man, talk about heartache. It was mutual though. Our relationship was very good, just not good enough. I would have probably married the girl otherwise. Anyhow, we're trying to be friends, but it's really hard. It's probably just making the whole emotional aspect worse. Like someone said again, you see them in a bar or talking to another guy, and it just kills you. We've got so much history between us we both didn't want to lose that.

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  9. #9
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    Like Tiare said, it depends on the maturity of both of you AND the circumstances surrounding the breakup. If you both just grew apart and mutually decided it was pretty much a dead thing, then that makes it much easier.

    If the relationship broke up under stressful circumstances, or before feelings had cooled on either side, then it would be much more difficult to be friends.

    Good luck!

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  10. #10
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    Originally posted by Goin_Big
    who knows, could become "friends with benefits"
    I have one of those, you should try it nights, it's sweet.

    A relationship between us didn't work, since our attraction was purely physical soooo.....

    I stop by and freak her on my way home from work.

    Obviously, the sex isn't as good as if you're in love, thus you still feel empty....but not as empty as if you're not in love and jerk yourself to sleep.

  11. #11
    MACHINE
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    Originally posted by beercan


    Obviously, the sex isn't as good as if you're in love, thus you still feel empty....but not as empty as if you're not in love and jerk yourself to sleep.
    LOL, yeah jerking yourself to sleep takes the meaningless out of "meaningless sex."

    I'm friends with a few of my ex girlfriends and I think it's pretty cool. Some of them I hooked up with after we became "friends" and some I have not hooked up with in the last couple weeks. lol
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  12. #12
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    Biz markee said it best "And you say he's just a friend"

    Maybe I'm just alone thinking this, or I am too traditional, but for me, trying to be 'friends' with the ex girlfriends of mine just does not work. Have you ever tried to date a chick who is still 'friends' and still 'hangs out' with an ex of her's? IT SUCKS! I'm not the overly jealous guy, but how can you give other people a fair chance if you are still carrying around old baggage? All it does is drag you down in the end, and is emotionally tiring. I've always been an all or nothing kind of guy, and when I end a chapter in my life, rarely will go and read it again. My advice: move on and find someone else.

  13. #13
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    The word "friend" is overused too much. When a girl breaks up with a guy and says "Let's just be friends," unless the guy was already over the girl as well, you can't be just friends. A friendship by definition is a relationship between two people in which there is no romantic/physical attraction at all. Anything beyond that is NOT a friendship.

    Chances are, if you're wondering if you can be friends with an ex, you probably can't. I don't think it has anything to do with maturity. If one or both of you are still attracted to the other, you are not friends. You can be acquaintances, you can hang out, and everything like that, yeah...and that DOES deal with maturity. But to consider yourselves friends depends on the level of attraction between you two.

    In general, I don't think it's a good idea to try to remain close with an ex, especially if one of you is making more of an effort to do so. If either of you is making an extended effort, it usually means something is still there...and since you probably broke up for a reason, you might want to stay away from that.

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  14. #14
    MACHINE
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    I disagree. I'm attracted to most of my female friends, regardless if we had any romantic history before we became friends. Yet, we're still just friends. But I'm a guy, and I'm supposed to want to hook up with all hot girls.
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  15. #15
    Baby Seal Clubber ElPietro's Avatar
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    Same here gino...I have quite a few female friends and many of them are quite shaggadelic...but I still can control myself and have quasi-intelligent conversations...

    I guess on the break up part...as others have said, if it's not a mutual breakup you will have difficulties. I have an ex who I went out with for 3 years and we are still great friends years later. We can pretty much chat about whatever and we don't get upset with each other. There's no jealousy...we both still care about each other and would like the other to be happy.
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  16. #16
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    Gino and ElP has it right in that the average 'normal' red-blooded guy will appreciate the attractiveness of all of his female friends, regardless of their 'status'.

    But the idea that 'sex gets in the way' is a load of crap, IMHO. The ability to restrain ourselves from humping every attractive female is what separates us human beings from bonobo monkeys.

    Maintaining a friendship with exes is CAKE, assuming that:
    1) You are emotionally mature and independent
    2) You weren't a dick about it if you broke it off with her (i.e. you were open and honest about why you wanted to end it)
    3) You weren't a dick about it if she broke it off with you
    4) You see women as PEOPLE that are worthy of having HUMAN relationships with (as opposed to simply curvaceous receptacles for your man-seed).

  17. #17
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    Originally posted by Callahan

    Maintaining a friendship with exes is CAKE, assuming that:
    1) You are emotionally mature and independent
    2) You weren't a dick about it if you broke it off with her (i.e. you were open and honest about why you wanted to end it)
    3) You weren't a dick about it if she broke it off with you
    4) You see women as PEOPLE that are worthy of having HUMAN relationships with (as opposed to simply curvaceous receptacles for your man-seed).
    Very well said, Callahan. I think #4, though it is said in quite a humorous manner , is the real key...

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    And what I would not part with I have kept.

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  18. #18
    As I Am Paul Stagg's Avatar
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    I'm still very good friends with my ex wife.
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  19. #19
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    Originally posted by Callahan
    Gino and ElP has it right in that the average 'normal' red-blooded guy will appreciate the attractiveness of all of his female friends, regardless of their 'status'.

    But the idea that 'sex gets in the way' is a load of crap, IMHO. The ability to restrain ourselves from humping every attractive female is what separates us human beings from bonobo monkeys.

    Maintaining a friendship with exes is CAKE, assuming that:
    1) You are emotionally mature and independent
    2) You weren't a dick about it if you broke it off with her (i.e. you were open and honest about why you wanted to end it)
    3) You weren't a dick about it if she broke it off with you
    4) You see women as PEOPLE that are worthy of having HUMAN relationships with (as opposed to simply curvaceous receptacles for your man-seed).
    We can learn a thing or two from the Bonobo . Where sex is concerned they have it all figured out.

  20. #20
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    yea you dont have to have a close relationship to be considered friends. a few people i know have gone out, and their relationship faded and they said they would still talk. and they are good friends. the guy still had some feelings for the girl, but he didnt act on them because they werent that strong. it could work out.. maybe not at first, and maybe not for a long time. but it could work. it probably also depends on what happened during your relationship. if you did have sex, that might linger about when you are just hanging out as friends.
    maybe you can try being with a group of people (if that is possible) first and then maybe do stuff together.
    i also agree with gino and elpietro. if one person has an attraction to someone else, and the other person doesnt. you dont call that a half-friend relationship or anything. you say they have a friendship. so you can probably be friends with her if you dont let the past catch up on you too much. good luck bro
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  21. #21
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    If you would have sex with your female friends (or male friends, depending on your gender), given the right circumstances and barring any moral convictions, you are not friends with them. What I mean by this is that the fear of 1) losing the friendship, 2) sacrificing morals (religious, personal, whatever), or 3) stepping on someone else's toes, like their boyfriend/girlfriend, your boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, etc. ...were all not present, you would have sex with them. No strings attached, just going on pure attraction. If in this case, you would have sex with them, you are not their friend. If you are physically attracted to them, you are not friends with them. That violates the definition of friendship. I hope we all accept the same definition of friendship, which is the same one that has been accepted since there was the concept of friendship.

    There's also a difference in having nice-looking friends and being attracted to your friends. I have male friends that I can tell are good-looking guys. Some work out, some don't, but I can just acknowledge that they are nice-looking fellas. I'm not attracted to them, nor do I want to have sex with them. I have some female friends that are pretty but are not attractive to me. I don't want to have sex with them. However, I have some that I would have sex with in a heartbeat. Those are the girls that I don't call my friends, because what we have isn't a friendship. I am not emotionally interested in them at all and do not wish to pursue a relationship. In fact, I hope we always remain on the same level that we are, and that it never goes beyond that. They still aren't my friends by the very definition of friendship.

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  22. #22
    Princess SweetP's Avatar
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    your posts are always like essays K-Daddy.......... man, and I thought I talked alot

  23. #23
    Princess SweetP's Avatar
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    oh and adding my 2 cents.......... oh nevermind... this topic is much too intellectual for me. Actually, I don't think they could still be friends... so no.

  24. #24
    bone crusher
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    unfortunately, my ex and i are not on speaking terms

  25. #25
    Canadian Kid fevan's Avatar
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    Mark V said it best.
    If you don't want to be together, Deal with it and move on.
    Deal with it.

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