So here's the situation, it's long so bear with me:
First off let me start by saying I am a 22 year old male. Over the past summer I went to summer school back at home (San Diego) and there were a lot of hot girls in my class. The 2nd week (of about a 6 week class) some small 19 year old girl (now is 20) comes up to me and asks me where I live. I tell her where and it turns out she lives right near me. She has a boyfriend who she has been dating for 2 years and who is her age and he ended up dropping the class... and he was her ride.
So she's stuck without a ride and asks if we can start carpooling. I say yes and we become good friends over the course of the next 6 weeks or so.
Now, let me just say that initially I was not very attracted to her. She has a great body but her face could use some work, mostly in the acne department. But as time went on we became close and her personality seemed to be pretty much a 10/10 and I slowly felt myself becoming more and more attracted to her.
But she still had a boyfriend. They seemed like they were getting along okay but she pointed out to me several times that the boyfriend gets jealous when she is hanging out with me. And rightfully so because I could tell the girl was starting to really like me in a sexual/romantic manner. We studied together a lot and actually gave each other massages too LOL.
But I was a bit confused as to whether I should have made a move on her or not. I decided not to mostly because I didn't want to mess up her relationship and if I wanted to get with her I would like to actually date her because it's rare I meet a girl who actually has a good personality. Plus she goes to school in the state of Washington whereas my school year is at USC in Los Angeles.
My last weeks of being down in SD we didn't see each other *quite* as much because we didn't have summer school together anymore. Plus I would assume it'd look fishy to her bf if she were still hanging out with me a lot without the excuse of summer school and "studying".
The last day I'm down there we had planned a week ahead that we'd go see a movie. A few days before that last day she says she can't see it with me because she promised she'd see it with her bf. No problem for me, we can do something else I tell her and she agrees. The day of I call her and she says she has to go shopping with her mom and I tell her to call me when she's done with that or when she knows we can hang out. I never get a call. I could have texted her or called her but I wanted to know how badly she wanted to hang out. Apparently not badly enough.
So I go up to LA for school and do my thing. About a month (maybe less) into my semester I start getting calls from her. I don't really pick it up because a.) she has a boyfriend and b.) I'm still really annoyed at the flakiness which is a huge pet peeve for me.
Finally after getting a couple of calls a day for a few days I pick it and she tells me that she broke up with her boyfriend. I kinda wish I had picked it up earlier now but whatever it's a way of testing to see how interested she is (more calls to try to talk to me obviously = more interested). The breakup sounded pretty boring, nothing too dramatic but she still cried for a few days or something like that. Nothing unexpected. I talk to her for over an hour and cheer her up.
So then we go for 4-6 weeks really without talking much. A wall post on Facebook here and a text message there. She asks if I'm coming home for Thanksgiving (remember this is like Oct 13th at this time, quite early to be talking about Thanksgiving plans) and definitely wants to hang out. I tell her I'll probably be home for Thanksgiving but don't know my exact plans.
So I haven't talked to her on the phone in a while and I texted her last week saying I haven't talked to her in a while and would like to talk to her on the phone. She says anytime past 5 PM is fine. I call her at like midnight on Friday (Halloween) and she sounds very busy but wants me to call her later. Call doesn't even last a full minute.
I call her today and we talk for a good half hour. We connect pretty damned well when we talk in person or on the phone. She reminds me that she and her boyfriend broke up (it happened like 2 months ago almost and we had already talked about it so I don't know how she couldn't have known that I was already aware of the breakup) and again kinda confirm that we will be hanging out for Thanksgiving. She knew I went to a couple of raves the last couple weeks and says she wants to go with me to one over Thanksgiving. I tell her I'm down but it would most likely have to be around New Year's (when we'll both be home for Winter Break) because there really aren't any major raves over Thanksgiving.
So this is where I get thrown a curve ball:
After we're off the phone she writes "Penis!" on my Facebook wall just as a joke. I go to post something back and bam right on her news-feed thing is pics just uploaded like 5 minutes before by some dude and they are pics of her and him kissing. Multiple ones. Not a big deal but then I look at her relationship status and it says she's "in a relationship" with some guy up at her school. A different guy than the one before. How on Earth did I not know about this? How on Earth is it appropriate for her NOT to bring it up? And I assume the other night when she didn't have time to talk she was probably getting busy with him. Not that big of a deal though really.
So anyways I wrote on her wall something like "I'm jealous" with an arrow pointing down to the pictures/photos underneath my post of her and the guy kissing. Needless to say I'm kinda annoyed at this.
Either she was, and might still be, planning on hanging out with me during Thanksgiving and NOT hooking up. Or she knows we might hook up and just apparently doesn't think cheating in a relationship is a big deal. I mean with her older boyfriend she was already walking a thin line with me over the summer but now did she think I wouldn't know or I have no idea what she is expecting to happen between me and her over Thanksgiving.
Perhaps more importantly my question becomes: this girl is really attracted to me, maybe I made a mistake by not talking to her more often during the course of the semester BUT if this situation were to go in the direction of her and I possibly dating (I'm assuming she is more attracted to me than her apparently new boyfriend) then should I be worried that she seems to have fidelity issues? I mean granted her and I never hooked up but if I had taken in that direction I *hardly* doubt that she would have resisted.
Or is this just a situation where these things are not actual true representations of what her character is really like and what I would have to be dealing with if I were to date her? She told me today she was planning on transferring down to a San Diego school (she'd be within 1.5 hours from my school, and her parents house is like 2 minutes from my mom's) so she obviously must not be expecting her relationship with her current boyfriend to last long.
For some reason I can't find out how long they've been dating... which is kinda annoying because if it turns out this girl can't go more than a month without a boyfriend then I'm not sure that reflects very well on her. And this is coming from me, a guy who can and has gone without a girlfriend or sex in a long time because I think it's appropriate to wait for a girl that's actually a challenge and worth getting serious with.
If somehow, as is very possible, the situation turns to one where she is still "technically" with her boyfriend but just waiting for me to let her know that I'm a "for sure thing" when she decides to make the "jump" from one guy to another then I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm absolutely not going to give her that certainty. I like her a lot and I know she likes me a lot but I'm not here to sit around and wait for a girl, while she's obviously still hooking up with him and whatnot, for her to make up her mind and come to me. If she isn't willing to make a leap of faith and figure out herself whether she has the self-esteem to make that jump and possibly still end up with neither guy then she is not the type of woman I'm looking for. To be honest though this sort of attitude is why she likes me in the first place.
It will be interesting to see what she does/says when she sees my post that hopefully she realizes is referring to her make out pics with her current boyfriend. Funny how that piece of info slipped her mind when we were talking on the phone... and still I wish somehow I could find out how long they've been dating. Asking her straight up is obviously out of the question unless somehow she brings up the topic herself.
So here's my main question to you guys: do you think the way that she handles her relationships are something that I should worry about? Do you think that this sorta not-wanting-to-be-alone thing and always eyes roaming sorta attitude is something that would carry over into my relationship with her assuming things were to go that way? On one hand I would normally say yes but it has been obvious to me that she is much more attracted to me than she has been to either of these guys (well can't guarantee with the new guy but I'm assuming because she's still chatting with me and wanting to hang out and move down to SD while supposedly dating this dude) and I'm sure the main reason is that my self-esteem is much higher than them (well I don't know how confident her current bf is but he'd have to be pretty impressive to have more self-confidence than I have shown with her) plus as a bonus I'm obviously much bigger and in shape than her ex bf or current one (at least from the picture I've seen).
Is this girl a serial dater? As I just said I really think she's much more attracted toward me than either of these guys BUT I could always be wrong. I want to take this in the way of me and her dating and do you guys think I might have a future problem on my hands? Do you think I'm wrong to not want to be hooking up with her while she has (or has had) a boyfriend? Is it wrong to not want to share? Should I just slam it over Thanksgiving even IF she still has a bf and knows that I know she has a bf? Or is that kinda girl not the kind I want to date in the future anyway? I'm pretty much positive she likes me a lot, which makes me think she's pretty weak for not just waiting til next time we see each other to let things start happening. Apparently she has to keep herself busy with some other bf until we see each other... seems weak sauce to me.
Would love your opinions. Please try to give better advice than the expected cool internet guy response of "slam that ****" and other one-liners. And if you don't know what you're talking about or are a virgin then at least pause before typing for me... thanks. Sorry this **** is so long. I'll let you know if and when she responds to my last Facebook wall post.
Last edited by d'Anconia; 11-03-2008 at 06:22 AM.
...........||High School||.....||July '05||.......||January '09||
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