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Thread: I'm kinda ticked off right now (Long Girl Thread)

  1. #1
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    I'm kinda ticked off right now (Long Girl Thread)

    So here's the situation, it's long so bear with me:

    First off let me start by saying I am a 22 year old male. Over the past summer I went to summer school back at home (San Diego) and there were a lot of hot girls in my class. The 2nd week (of about a 6 week class) some small 19 year old girl (now is 20) comes up to me and asks me where I live. I tell her where and it turns out she lives right near me. She has a boyfriend who she has been dating for 2 years and who is her age and he ended up dropping the class... and he was her ride.

    So she's stuck without a ride and asks if we can start carpooling. I say yes and we become good friends over the course of the next 6 weeks or so.

    Now, let me just say that initially I was not very attracted to her. She has a great body but her face could use some work, mostly in the acne department. But as time went on we became close and her personality seemed to be pretty much a 10/10 and I slowly felt myself becoming more and more attracted to her.

    But she still had a boyfriend. They seemed like they were getting along okay but she pointed out to me several times that the boyfriend gets jealous when she is hanging out with me. And rightfully so because I could tell the girl was starting to really like me in a sexual/romantic manner. We studied together a lot and actually gave each other massages too LOL.

    But I was a bit confused as to whether I should have made a move on her or not. I decided not to mostly because I didn't want to mess up her relationship and if I wanted to get with her I would like to actually date her because it's rare I meet a girl who actually has a good personality. Plus she goes to school in the state of Washington whereas my school year is at USC in Los Angeles.

    My last weeks of being down in SD we didn't see each other *quite* as much because we didn't have summer school together anymore. Plus I would assume it'd look fishy to her bf if she were still hanging out with me a lot without the excuse of summer school and "studying".

    The last day I'm down there we had planned a week ahead that we'd go see a movie. A few days before that last day she says she can't see it with me because she promised she'd see it with her bf. No problem for me, we can do something else I tell her and she agrees. The day of I call her and she says she has to go shopping with her mom and I tell her to call me when she's done with that or when she knows we can hang out. I never get a call. I could have texted her or called her but I wanted to know how badly she wanted to hang out. Apparently not badly enough.

    So I go up to LA for school and do my thing. About a month (maybe less) into my semester I start getting calls from her. I don't really pick it up because a.) she has a boyfriend and b.) I'm still really annoyed at the flakiness which is a huge pet peeve for me.

    Finally after getting a couple of calls a day for a few days I pick it and she tells me that she broke up with her boyfriend. I kinda wish I had picked it up earlier now but whatever it's a way of testing to see how interested she is (more calls to try to talk to me obviously = more interested). The breakup sounded pretty boring, nothing too dramatic but she still cried for a few days or something like that. Nothing unexpected. I talk to her for over an hour and cheer her up.

    So then we go for 4-6 weeks really without talking much. A wall post on Facebook here and a text message there. She asks if I'm coming home for Thanksgiving (remember this is like Oct 13th at this time, quite early to be talking about Thanksgiving plans) and definitely wants to hang out. I tell her I'll probably be home for Thanksgiving but don't know my exact plans.

    So I haven't talked to her on the phone in a while and I texted her last week saying I haven't talked to her in a while and would like to talk to her on the phone. She says anytime past 5 PM is fine. I call her at like midnight on Friday (Halloween) and she sounds very busy but wants me to call her later. Call doesn't even last a full minute.

    I call her today and we talk for a good half hour. We connect pretty damned well when we talk in person or on the phone. She reminds me that she and her boyfriend broke up (it happened like 2 months ago almost and we had already talked about it so I don't know how she couldn't have known that I was already aware of the breakup) and again kinda confirm that we will be hanging out for Thanksgiving. She knew I went to a couple of raves the last couple weeks and says she wants to go with me to one over Thanksgiving. I tell her I'm down but it would most likely have to be around New Year's (when we'll both be home for Winter Break) because there really aren't any major raves over Thanksgiving.

    So this is where I get thrown a curve ball:
    After we're off the phone she writes "Penis!" on my Facebook wall just as a joke. I go to post something back and bam right on her news-feed thing is pics just uploaded like 5 minutes before by some dude and they are pics of her and him kissing. Multiple ones. Not a big deal but then I look at her relationship status and it says she's "in a relationship" with some guy up at her school. A different guy than the one before. How on Earth did I not know about this? How on Earth is it appropriate for her NOT to bring it up? And I assume the other night when she didn't have time to talk she was probably getting busy with him. Not that big of a deal though really.

    So anyways I wrote on her wall something like "I'm jealous" with an arrow pointing down to the pictures/photos underneath my post of her and the guy kissing. Needless to say I'm kinda annoyed at this.

    Either she was, and might still be, planning on hanging out with me during Thanksgiving and NOT hooking up. Or she knows we might hook up and just apparently doesn't think cheating in a relationship is a big deal. I mean with her older boyfriend she was already walking a thin line with me over the summer but now did she think I wouldn't know or I have no idea what she is expecting to happen between me and her over Thanksgiving.

    Perhaps more importantly my question becomes: this girl is really attracted to me, maybe I made a mistake by not talking to her more often during the course of the semester BUT if this situation were to go in the direction of her and I possibly dating (I'm assuming she is more attracted to me than her apparently new boyfriend) then should I be worried that she seems to have fidelity issues? I mean granted her and I never hooked up but if I had taken in that direction I *hardly* doubt that she would have resisted.

    Or is this just a situation where these things are not actual true representations of what her character is really like and what I would have to be dealing with if I were to date her? She told me today she was planning on transferring down to a San Diego school (she'd be within 1.5 hours from my school, and her parents house is like 2 minutes from my mom's) so she obviously must not be expecting her relationship with her current boyfriend to last long.

    For some reason I can't find out how long they've been dating... which is kinda annoying because if it turns out this girl can't go more than a month without a boyfriend then I'm not sure that reflects very well on her. And this is coming from me, a guy who can and has gone without a girlfriend or sex in a long time because I think it's appropriate to wait for a girl that's actually a challenge and worth getting serious with.

    If somehow, as is very possible, the situation turns to one where she is still "technically" with her boyfriend but just waiting for me to let her know that I'm a "for sure thing" when she decides to make the "jump" from one guy to another then I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm absolutely not going to give her that certainty. I like her a lot and I know she likes me a lot but I'm not here to sit around and wait for a girl, while she's obviously still hooking up with him and whatnot, for her to make up her mind and come to me. If she isn't willing to make a leap of faith and figure out herself whether she has the self-esteem to make that jump and possibly still end up with neither guy then she is not the type of woman I'm looking for. To be honest though this sort of attitude is why she likes me in the first place.

    It will be interesting to see what she does/says when she sees my post that hopefully she realizes is referring to her make out pics with her current boyfriend. Funny how that piece of info slipped her mind when we were talking on the phone... and still I wish somehow I could find out how long they've been dating. Asking her straight up is obviously out of the question unless somehow she brings up the topic herself.

    So here's my main question to you guys: do you think the way that she handles her relationships are something that I should worry about? Do you think that this sorta not-wanting-to-be-alone thing and always eyes roaming sorta attitude is something that would carry over into my relationship with her assuming things were to go that way? On one hand I would normally say yes but it has been obvious to me that she is much more attracted to me than she has been to either of these guys (well can't guarantee with the new guy but I'm assuming because she's still chatting with me and wanting to hang out and move down to SD while supposedly dating this dude) and I'm sure the main reason is that my self-esteem is much higher than them (well I don't know how confident her current bf is but he'd have to be pretty impressive to have more self-confidence than I have shown with her) plus as a bonus I'm obviously much bigger and in shape than her ex bf or current one (at least from the picture I've seen).

    Is this girl a serial dater? As I just said I really think she's much more attracted toward me than either of these guys BUT I could always be wrong. I want to take this in the way of me and her dating and do you guys think I might have a future problem on my hands? Do you think I'm wrong to not want to be hooking up with her while she has (or has had) a boyfriend? Is it wrong to not want to share? Should I just slam it over Thanksgiving even IF she still has a bf and knows that I know she has a bf? Or is that kinda girl not the kind I want to date in the future anyway? I'm pretty much positive she likes me a lot, which makes me think she's pretty weak for not just waiting til next time we see each other to let things start happening. Apparently she has to keep herself busy with some other bf until we see each other... seems weak sauce to me.

    Would love your opinions. Please try to give better advice than the expected cool internet guy response of "slam that ****" and other one-liners. And if you don't know what you're talking about or are a virgin then at least pause before typing for me... thanks. Sorry this **** is so long. I'll let you know if and when she responds to my last Facebook wall post.
    Last edited by d'Anconia; 11-03-2008 at 06:22 AM.
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  2. #2
    mrelwooddowd Patz's Avatar
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    I read it all, but your post was basically over for me when you were sweating a girl with a boyfriend of two years. I sorta did it once, but I pretty much knew it would never happen, and it didn't. I didn't worry too much about it.

    Your post was REALLY over for me when she actually started spending extra time with you. She was emotionally cheating (a term I hate) with you, and that's not a girl you want in your life. She'll do it to you, too. Great liars and cheats are always perfect and charismatic, which is why you click so well. You did the right thing.

    Delete her from your facebook and forget about it. Use her bad points as a reason to get over her more quickly.
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  3. #3
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    Yeah I know what you're saying but her first relationship was emotionally already over for her at the beginning of summer. I should have included this but after her boyfriend broke up with her he let her know that he had been planning on breaking up with her since the beginning of summer. Literally just stayed with her for the sex. Maybe she actually needed someone to provide some sort of emotional stimulation because he obviously wasn't giving it to her.

    Granted my problem with this is why would she stay with him if the relationship was broken? That's where I see a character flaw in her.
    Last edited by d'Anconia; 11-03-2008 at 06:49 AM.
    ...........||High School||.....||July '05||.......||January '09||
    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
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    Deadlift........?.....................315x5...............435x5
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  4. #4
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    Giving massages but she has a boyfriend? At this point sirens should be flashing about Character. Not saying she evil or nothing but I guarantee her boyfriend at the time didn't know about it. Not the time to fall in love or start buying gifts. I think you're kind of a moment of convenience for her. Meaning if somebody else doesn't have her attention at the moment than you would be temporary #1.

    If you want something serious then she's not the one. This is a classic I told you so waiting to happen. If you know how to date without getting attached then go for it. Keep emotions out of it, nor should you care what she does in her free time. Just have fun. Treat her as strictly a date the same way she seems to do with you. Don't start rambling about life stories etc.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackboard View Post
    Giving massages but she has a boyfriend? At this point sirens should be flashing about Character. Not saying she evil or nothing but I guarantee her boyfriend at the time didn't know about it. Not the time to fall in love or start buying gifts. I think you're kind of a moment of convenience for her. Meaning if somebody else doesn't have her attention at the moment than you would be temporary #1.

    If you want something serious then she's not the one. This is a classic I told you so waiting to happen. If you know how to date without getting attached then go for it. Keep emotions out of it, nor should you care what she does in her free time. Just have fun. Treat her as strictly a date the same way she seems to do with you. Don't start rambling about life stories etc.
    + over 9000, especially the bold parts
    Last edited by Reko; 11-03-2008 at 06:58 AM.

  6. #6
    Former Fatass Unreal's Avatar
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    There are plenty of fish in the sea. Girls with drama aren't worth it. Abort mission!

    That or just hit it to hit it and then go off to school and never talk to her again.
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    "Nice Guy" Davey's Avatar
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    Can you provide cliff notes for us?

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    Before reading anyone's responses, you're thinking about this way too much.

    If it were me, I would definitely not have a relationship with a girl like that. But if you feel it won't be an issue for you, go for it.

    If she has a boyfriend, I wouldn't hook up with her. But if you feel like it won't be an issue for you, go for it.

  9. #9
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    ^ Yeah I think you might be right. I always complain about how going after most girls isn't enough of a challenge. Maybe this is the type of challenge I need to enjoy myself. I'm obviously going into this fully aware and prepared for what might happen.

    Oh well we'll see how things go. I probably wouldn't care as much about this whole ordeal but for some reason I haven't gone to sleep in like 72 hours. Went to a rave on Friday night and I'm guessing there was some speed in the pills or something. Kinda sucks... I wanna go to sleep.
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    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
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  10. #10
    Not Done Yet ShockBoxer's Avatar
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    This? This is why I'm only friends with girls I'm actively trying to get into a relationship with, or who are married. NOne of this long awkward 'are we going to be more one day' stuff.

    I don't mind open relationships but I do mind hidden ones. If she didn't tell you she was making out with guys waiting for you, if that's what it seems like she's doing, I wouldn't bother with her.
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  11. #11
    Lifting Archon. Shouji's Avatar
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    She used you to fulfill her emotional needs. Happened to me just this past two months for the first time, and it hurt. Move on man, thats the only thing I can recommend. Stop contact with her for awhile and she'll be calling up your phone again when this next guy is done with her. Sorry man.
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  12. #12
    Who is John Galt? CrazyK's Avatar
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    As others have mentioned, cut your losses. Even if you did end up together you would never really trust her because of her dishonesty, which would undermine the whole thing. Trying to hook up with her will just make you more attached so I'd say scrap the whole thing and move on.
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  13. #13
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    D'Anconia what kind of relationship are you looking for? Are you trying to date for a potential soul mate, friend, or you just want to hang out with good looking females and have fun?

  14. #14
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    In all honesty I've already had enough of the emotionless two attractive people relationships. I wouldn't mind a soul mate, as lame as it might sound coming from a 22 year old. I'd certainly like a close friend who I could connect with emotionally on a somewhat intense level.

    I'm not really feeling hurt at this point to be honest. The topic will eventually come up and it will completely depend on what she says and does. If she really wants to be with me she'd have to really prove it because I know what the risk is.
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    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
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    Deadlift........?.....................315x5...............435x5
    Weight........180...................192...................185
    BF%.............?......................12.....................12
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  15. #15
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    Well I've been thinking about it some more and to be quite honest I kinda wanna call her out on ****. The more I've thought about it the less attractive she's seemed. Seriously it's obviously not chance that the topic didn't come up last time we talked. I don't want to come off like a complete nut though, just pissed cuz I feel like she treated me like a kid last time we talked. I don't think any of us like people keeping secrets from us.

    *Sigh* Damn it is hard to find a quality chick these days...

    I know she'll eventually wanna talk to me. Again she'll probably not bring up the topic and I don't think there's much of a way that I could talk to her without being annoyed that I am being patronized. On the other hand I'd love to see how long this goes before she finally brings it up. Bleh.
    Last edited by d'Anconia; 11-03-2008 at 01:58 PM.
    ...........||High School||.....||July '05||.......||January '09||
    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
    Squat...........?.......................?....................365x5
    Deadlift........?.....................315x5...............435x5
    Weight........180...................192...................185
    BF%.............?......................12.....................12
    Time to Get Ripped
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  16. #16
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    Dude, this girl doesn't owe you anything. You have nothing to be upset with her about.

  17. #17
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorge Sanchez View Post
    Dude, this girl doesn't owe you anything. You have nothing to be upset with her about.
    Hey man I'm listening. Nothing I'd love more than to find a flaw in my own thinking. As I said earlier I've been up for over 72 hours straight without an hour of sleep (not because of this situation but due to something non-related).
    Last edited by d'Anconia; 11-03-2008 at 02:25 PM.
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    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
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    Deadlift........?.....................315x5...............435x5
    Weight........180...................192...................185
    BF%.............?......................12.....................12
    Time to Get Ripped
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  18. #18
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    I don't think there's much to listen to, really. You're not in a relationship so she can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants and she doesn't have to tell you about it.

    I'd agree that she's intentionally trying to conceal the boyfriend from you. Besides, she's already shown that having a boyfriend doesn't entail any emotional intimacy. Generally, that's not the kind of girl I want to be seriously involved with but it's not something I would get upset about.

    Unless she's blatantly lying to you (which as far as I can tell she's not). I would be pissed if she was lying to me.
    Last edited by Jorge Sanchez; 11-03-2008 at 02:28 PM.

  19. #19
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    Yeah time will tell in my opinion whether it's something that's being concealed at all. I guess I'm just bummed cuz I thought this girl had potential.
    I could still try to date her but right now that looks like the last thing I'd try.
    I could probably hook up with her over Thanksgiving but not sure I'd get much out of that. It'd just show how low of a person she was IMHO.
    I could just stop talking to her and get over it. This is looking like my best option for now.

    **** I need to get some damned sleep.
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    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
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    Deadlift........?.....................315x5...............435x5
    Weight........180...................192...................185
    BF%.............?......................12.....................12
    Time to Get Ripped
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  20. #20
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    How can you trust a girl that is practically begging you to hang out alone with her and then posts public pictures of her making out with another guy? Her character is definitely questionable, because she had a boyfriend in the summer and was pretty much hanging out with you on the side although. From your description of her actions, she seems needy, manipulative and insecure. Seperate yourself from the situation, because you are making excuses for her behavior and thats already a bad sign.

  21. #21
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    I'll paypal you $20, go get a lap dance.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by markdk86 View Post
    I'll paypal you $20, go get a lap dance.
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  23. #23
    "Nice Guy" Davey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d'Anconia View Post
    Yeah time will tell in my opinion whether it's something that's being concealed at all. I guess I'm just bummed cuz I thought this girl had potential.
    I could still try to date her but right now that looks like the last thing I'd try.
    I could probably hook up with her over Thanksgiving but not sure I'd get much out of that. It'd just show how low of a person she was IMHO.
    I could just stop talking to her and get over it. This is looking like my best option for now.

    **** I need to get some damned sleep.
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  24. #24
    Wrecker of Homes d'Anconia's Avatar
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    Ya know guys I just don't like the idea of random hook-ups but I've really just about lost hope in finding a nice respectable non-insecure girl. Random hookups always felt kinda weird to me but whatever...
    ...........||High School||.....||July '05||.......||January '09||
    Bench.........225x1...............275x1.................?
    Squat...........?.......................?....................365x5
    Deadlift........?.....................315x5...............435x5
    Weight........180...................192...................185
    BF%.............?......................12.....................12
    Time to Get Ripped
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  25. #25
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrettC View Post
    pm me for my paypal info
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