50 Reasons to Lift Big Weights
By Dave Tate
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been working on rehabilitation to get my body ready
for the next run. It made me think about what I might be missing out on. I’ve
spent most of my life in pursuit of bigger weights and lifting. From well over 100
meets, I’ve picked up a few things along the way.
Ever since the article "Reasons to Get Big," I’ve been asked to write another one.
Well, without any further introduction, here are my “50 Reasons to Lift Big
1. There’s nothing better than a selfinflicted nose bleed.
2. Bloodshot eyes are better looking.
3. It's the only time you can scream in Latin and everyone thinks that it's cool
4. Wearing a beanie hat indoors is cool…well, maybe not.
5. ****stained underwear is the mark of a great workout.
6. Plates look better on the bar than they do in the rack.
7. It’s the only time a cubic centimeter can make a huge difference.
8. Being bloated is a good thing.
9. A vein means you need to eat another Big Mac…or three.
10.Bending cheap bars is an honor.
11.Wearing tight polyester and canvas is better than spandex.
12.One heavy repetition is much better than any set of ten.
13.Strip sets are what you call taking off your squat suit. Sometimes you need a few spotters to get those final extra reps.
14.Your definition of a good shirt isn’t a cotton silk blend with an alligator on it but a Metal logo with Velcro. Be careful—you may find yourself at your brother’s wedding pulling the front of your tux shirt down low and cinching your belt super tight to aid in the beer bong process.
15.Rap has nothing to do with music but a special blend of rubber and cotton
that can add more weight to your squat.
16.Letters and numbers like AD, A50, D, V, GH, and TC all carry new meaning.
17.A PR is to live and die for.
18.A side stitch is what happens when you go to wipe your butt.
19.A jolt is not a Cola.
20.Blown blood vessels mean that you can still add more weight.
21.Baldness is the new look.
22.A bad back means that it’s time to get a reverse hyper machine.
23.Any turd can superset concentration curls with one arm reverse grip
supinated cable pressdowns.
24.Board presses are a max effort movement, not reading the paper between
sets of bench presses.
25.Agility is bending over to get your ammonia caps out of your gym bag with
your knee wraps on and suit straps up.
26.Farting on your way to finishing a lift is known as doing whatever it takes to get the weight up.
27.Taking a hockey bag full of gear into the gym makes you feel like a
professional athlete. Funny thing is my bag is bigger than the football bag that I used to use to carry my helmet and shoulder pads. Then again, all I had to do was play ball. Now, I have to squat, bench press, and deadlift.
28.A knobber is something you stick into your back to break up scar tissue.
29.The incline bench is the perfect place to rest between sets.
30.The dips bars are there to help you get your suit on.
31.A cable crossover machine is just…in the damn way!
32.Mirrors are only to see what that funky thing is growing off the back of your neck.
33.Hotdogs are what you find on the back of your training partner’s head.
34.Stiff leg deadlifts standing on a flat bench and touching the bench…give me a break! Real men stand on a halfinch plate and load the bar to the max.
35.Who cares about dimes, nickels, and chips? It's all about plates and quarters.
36.Every time you meet a veterinarian, you look at him in a whole new light.
37.Who needs carb drinks during training? You can now keep a sandwich in your bag for after your bench.
38.You know your tailor by first name but don’t own a single sport coat or suit.
39.When someone asks about a new suit, the furthest thing from your mind is
40.Your choice of condom is anything triple ply with two layers and a short
41.Plates aren’t what you eat off of but what you place on the bar. You eat out of boxes and plastic and paper wrappers.
42.Wrestling shoes are now pulling shoes. Chucks are now squatting shoes, and you have to bench in whatever you wore to the gym.
43.If you can put a band on it, it has gotta work and is just what you need!
44.You have a whole other genre of music to listen to ranging from DMX to Dark Throne.
45.If someone is weaker than you, they can't tell you anything. That’s until you’re speaking with someone who may be stronger than you. Then you know it all.
46.Your choice of gyms is reduced by 99 percent until you’re training in your
garage, tool shed, or basement.
47.A brief is something with a Metal logo on it. If the time comes when you ask your spouse to jack up the back of your underwear before you leave the house, you know you’re lifting too many big weights.
48.If someone has a stronger raw bench, who cares? Your shirt bench is bigger. If someone has a bigger shirt bench, who cares? He gets a 300lb
carryover. Never forget the golden rule—you’re always stronger, have better form, and have more knowledge than anyone else. (I'm sorry. This may piss someone off, but you have to admit that it’s pretty funny.)
49.Clamps should always go on bars, not nipples.
50.Lifting big is the only good excuse—outside of being an infant—to crap your pants.
It’s things like this that keep me coming back time and time again. The bottom line—a few hundreds on each side of the bar look better than a couple of dimes.
If any of these slip your briefs under your belt or split your chest panel, relax.
We’re just having fun.