Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: The Laws of Golf

  1. #1
    Somewhere Out There Scotty2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    109

    The Laws of Golf

    20 Golfing Laws

    LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

    LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

    LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

    LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

    LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

    LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

    LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

    LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

    LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

    LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

    LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

    LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a tax agent -- or some similar combination.

    LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

    LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

    LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

    LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

    LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

    LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

    LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

    LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day

  2. #2
    Banned Praetorian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    7th level
    Posts
    5,014
    heh. i didn't get them...

  3. #3
    Meathead Philosopher Pup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    6,793
    Baha...the tree rule should be applied to some of the guys i play with, those assfaces bank it off the trees and the trees swallow my golf balls
    May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

  4. #4
    is no more. Orange357's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Posts
    5,931
    dont forget
    Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden
    ...watch me reap of what I sow....

    and BOOM goes the dynomite!

  5. #5
    Somewhere Out There Scotty2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    109
    lol Orange.. thats nice, but it never hurts to have some nice scenery on the course

  6. #6
    Rockin' the midlife crisis xraygirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Meadville PA
    Posts
    1,366
    Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden
    Last edited by xraygirl; 04-21-2002 at 11:32 PM.
    "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." -Lily Tomlin

  7. #7
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Posts
    23,191

    Re: The Laws of Golf

    Originally posted by Scotty2

    LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.


    i'm not quite sure where your putting that 3-iron, but I'll bet it is!


    oh errr....i don't play golf btw.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  8. #8
    Somewhere Out There Scotty2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    109
    Im not sure i even wanna know where u think that 3 iron is being put lol ... but yes when golfing, topping a 3 iron is rather painful

  9. #9
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Posts
    23,191
    so what is topping a 3-iron anyway?
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  10. #10
    Somewhere Out There Scotty2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    109
    well its just like it says... when u swing the club(3-iron).. you dont hit the back of the ball like you're supposed to, instead you hit the top of the ball.. doesnt feel good and the ball doesnt go too far

  11. #11
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Posts
    23,191
    topping means something a bit different in my world.

    but uh..yeah that's sucks.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •