The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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Results 1 to 11 of 11
  1. #1
    Shock Therapist Shocker's Avatar
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    Dec 2001
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    In the Shockmaster Posts: 540569325
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    1,435

    New Rules For Employees:

    SICKDAYS:
    We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    SURGERY:
    Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

    PERSONAL DAYS:
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

    VACATION DAYS:
    All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 1 & Dec. 25

    BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

    OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
    This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

    RESTROOM USE:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

    LUNCH BREAK:
    Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain thee average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

    DRESS CODE:
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financial and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.

    Have a nice week.
    Management

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  3. #2
    Senior of Kinesiology
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Penn State
    Posts
    1,900
    *lol* That would REALLY suck.
    Meet PR: 290lb bench press, 505lb dead lift @ 190lbs

    Current Training: Yoga and Weightlifting

    5'11'', Male, 175lbs, age 22

  4. #3
    Ecoli die
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    741
    Wow Shocker! You're working at my old company! Say hey to Brian, my former boss (his bathroom break is from 10:00 to 10:20).
    Now in pain, only working out the walking sticks.

  5. #4
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Jun 2001
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    23,193
    damn.


    *lmao*
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  6. #5
    Shock Therapist Shocker's Avatar
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    Dec 2001
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    In the Shockmaster Posts: 540569325
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    hheeeee

  7. #6
    Shock Therapist Shocker's Avatar
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    Dec 2001
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    I like the bit about fat ppl getting 5 mins etc.

  8. #7

  9. #8
    Super Mastah Mod rookiebldr's Avatar
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    Jan 2002
    Location
    Oakville, Ontario
    Posts
    6,341
    LOL.

    July 1, at least that lands on Canada Day.

  10. #9
    Player Hater PowerManDL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    Ft. Lauderdale, FL
    Posts
    7,850
    I'd punch my boss in the face if I worked there.
    Vin Diesel has a fever.. and the only prescription is more cowbell.

    Budiak: That girl I maced
    Budiak: macked
    Budiak: heh maced
    Budiak: I wish

    ShmrckPmp5: a good thing people can't fire guns through the computer...your ass would have been shot years ago

    Y2A 47: youre smooth as hell
    Y2A 47: thats why you get outta tickets, and into panties

    galileo: you're a fucking beast and I hate you
    galileo: hate

    assgrabbers are never subtile, they will grabb ass whereever they go,public or not, I know the type, because I am one. - Rock

  11. #10
    Senior Member Accipiter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
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    layin up against a dumpster in a 100 dollar jumper, smothered in southern comfort.
    Posts
    4,076
    lol...was wondering about the july 1st thing...figured it was canadian independence day or something

  12. #11
    is no more. Orange357's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Posts
    5,931
    lol...
    ...watch me reap of what I sow....

    and BOOM goes the dynomite!

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