We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 1 & Dec. 25
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.
OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain thee average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financial and therefore you do not need a raise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
*lol* That would REALLY suck.
Meet PR: 290lb bench press, 505lb dead lift @ 190lbs
Current Training: Yoga and Weightlifting
5'11'', Male, 175lbs, age 22
Wow Shocker! You're working at my old company! Say hey to Brian, my former boss (his bathroom break is from 10:00 to 10:20).
Now in pain, only working out the walking sticks.
A little learning is a dangerous thing...
Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!
Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?
I like the bit about fat ppl getting 5 mins etc.
posting this is only gonna give my company ideas
July 1, at least that lands on Canada Day.
I'd punch my boss in the face if I worked there.
Vin Diesel has a fever.. and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Budiak: That girl I maced
Budiak: heh maced
Budiak: I wish
ShmrckPmp5: a good thing people can't fire guns through the computer...your ass would have been shot years ago
Y2A 47: youre smooth as hell
Y2A 47: thats why you get outta tickets, and into panties
galileo: you're a fucking beast and I hate you
assgrabbers are never subtile, they will grabb ass whereever they go,public or not, I know the type, because I am one. - Rock
lol...was wondering about the july 1st thing...figured it was canadian independence day or something
...watch me reap of what I sow....
and BOOM goes the dynomite!