The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    compelling problem

    Sex Problem
    A bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc."
    "Well," says the quack, "Tell me about your average day."

    "Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes
    me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we
    can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

    "Oh I see," said the doc.
    "No, hang on," said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to
    work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves
    and have sex all the way there."

    "Oh....now I see," said the quack.

    "No you don't," said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary
    really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

    "Oh....now I see," said the quack.
    "No no no," he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm
    very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie."

    "Now I understand," said the patient doctor.

    "No, hang on," said the bloke.

    "When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding
    lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack."

    Ahh....," said the doctor, "now I see.."

    "No, there's more," said our man, "when I get home my wife is so
    pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then
    we have sex afterwards."

    "What's your problem?" asked the doc.

    "Well...," said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate."
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

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  3. #2
    Senior Member
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  4. #3
    Gettin Lean Goin_Big's Avatar
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    lmfao
    Beachbody coaching lets you turn your hobby into a career - Beachbody

  5. #4
    Senior of Kinesiology
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    Meet PR: 290lb bench press, 505lb dead lift @ 190lbs

    Current Training: Yoga and Weightlifting

    5'11'', Male, 175lbs, age 22

  6. #5
    Equal Opportunity Offender Budiak's Avatar
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    BWBAHWHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA


    OMG that is so funny I want to shoot myself IN THE FACE!

    My human brain cannot understant the multitude of levels on which the comedy here operates...

    WHY GOD WHY MUST YOU TORMENT US LOWLY HUMANS WITH SUCH UNFATHOMABLE HUMOR!!! WHY YOU BASTARD WHY!!!

    *collapses

  7. #6
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    *lmao@budiak*
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  8. #7
    Banned
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    Bah, I have a better go-to-the-doc-with-a-penis-problem joke

    A guy goes to see his doc, and refuses to tell the receptionist what it's about, and seems very embarrassed.

    Finally, the doc sees him and the guy explains that his penis has turned orange and he doesnt know why.

    The doctor performs a variety of tests on the man, all of which come back negative. Wracking his brain, all the doc can think of is that it might be stress related, so he asks the guy if he can think of anything at work that might be stressing him.

    The guy says, "Well, work used to be kinda stressful, but I recently changed to a new company. They're really big on employee appreciation, and working there is like being on vacation... it's great. I don't think I'm stressed with work."

    The doc probes into other areas, asking the guy if he perhaps has some sort of family stress. The guy says, "Well, my wife was a total bitch, but I don't think that could be the cause because we got the divorce settled last month, she's paying ME palimony, and I'm now dating a twenty-three year old contortionist that thinks the sun rises and sets in my pants."

    The doc thinks about it a while longer, trying to find some other area of life that could be causing stress and then asks the guy if he feels like he's under any kind of stress from his social life. The guy replies, "Damn doc, I don't see how it could be social stress. I don't really have much of a social life - a typical night for me is just sitting at home, eating Cheetos and watching porn!"



    Cal

  9. #8
    is no more. Orange357's Avatar
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    lmao!
    ...watch me reap of what I sow....

    and BOOM goes the dynomite!

  10. #9
    Senior Member
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    lol
    Last edited by kimpy225; 07-15-2002 at 10:41 AM.
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    R.I.P Devie

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