It scares the living crap out of me.
I went to a bar a few weeks ago and ordered a beer. Not any special beer with dancing midget commercials or one that I have been conditioned to believe will let me enjoy a quality of living much greater than one I currently have attained. No, just a simple American mass-produced beer. The bartender graciously opened the bottle and poured half of the beer into my glass. I drank enthusiastically because if you aren't enthusiastic when you drink beer people think you are drinking just to be cool. I don't want people to think I am the kind of guy kid who goes to the bar just to be groovy. Anyway. After quaffing the first half of my beer I began to poor the remainder of my indigenous non-microbrew into my mug and to my dismay a large ball bearing fell into my glass and slowly sank to the bottom. Immediately I was worked into a feeze. How did this ball bearing get in my beer? One could possibly think of literally thousands of explanations that lead all to the solution of my crux. Alas, all but one would be totally and abjectly wrong.
Being the curious type, I queried the bartender as to how a beer company could be so lackadaisical when it came to creating the product of so many desires. We chatted for hours, ignoring all others in the bar, desperately attempting to come to a conclusion.
Finally, in a "white-flag" gesture of surrender, I scratched my forehead and shrugged, as if to say "I give up." As my hand touched the skin of my brow I displaced my eyebrow ring enough to realize that a single ball was missing.
The whole thing was merely a quiproquo and Scott Bayo and I returned to a night of decadence, debauchery, and jokes about coitus.
Anyone else think American beer sucks?