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Thread: conserning notices

  1. #1
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    conserning notices

    New York has banned the use of hand-held cell phones while driving,
    except for use in emergencies. What are other states planning?

    Idaho: Illegal, unless purpose of call is to secure some lovin' for later.
    Penalty: $50 if call not used to secure lovin', or lovin' not successfully
    secured.

    California: Permitted, although any other driver who becomes irritated with
    cell phone user may legally step out of their vehicle and bash their freakin'
    teeth in.

    South Carolina: Rental cars with cell phone equipment must include
    programmed speed-dial function for minimum of five local escort
    services, upscale, not just some skanky thing. Penalty: Currently a
    warning; $200 if escort proves to be just some skanky thing.

    Alaska: Illegal, unless situation involves eating frozen family member
    following grisly car wreck. Penalty: $100 if wreck not especially grisly, or
    family member not fully frozen.

    Florida: Permitted as long as cell phone is not used to call Manuel. You
    promised you'd stop calling Manuel, so why do you still call him? What do
    you two have to talk about? Penalty: $500
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  2. #2
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch whiskey.
    The bartender pours him the drink and says,

    "That's quite a heavy drink. What's wrong?"

    After downing his drink, the guy says, "I got home and found
    my wife in bed with my best friend."

    "Wow" says the bartender, pouring the man a second triple
    scotch. "No wonder you needed a stiff drink. The second
    triple is on the house."

    As the man downs his second triple scotch, the bartender
    asks him, "What did you do?"

    The guy says, "I walked over to my wife, looked her straight
    in the eye and told her that we were through and to get the
    hell out."

    The bartender says, "That makes sense -- but what about your
    best friend?"

    The guy says, "I walked over to him, looked him right in the
    eye and said ... 'BAD DOG!'"
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  3. #3
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

    A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

    Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

    The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

    The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.

    By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

    The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

    The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  4. #4
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

    "Sand," said the cyclist.

    "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

    The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

    Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

    A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?"

    "Bicycles!"
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  5. #5
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    At least 52 children were hospitalized after they ate sweets given out at school Monday in the northern Indian State of Chattisgarh, the United News of India (UNI) reported. Police said the state school pupils in Dhanora village fell ill after consuming biscuits and chocolate distributed by two unidentified men who entered the school at break. The men said they were celebrating their birthday. The children were hospitalized after they complained of severe stomach ache and dizziness. The police have launched a hunt for the men who handed out the sweets
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  6. #6
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    Coping With Job Stress

    At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an
    expert in psychobiology, gave an example of a coping skill for
    job stress which I would like to share with you.

    When you have had one of those 'Take This Job And Shove It'
    days, try this:

    On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
    section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase
    a rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip". Be sure that you get this
    brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and
    disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your
    therapy.

    Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie
    down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer,
    remove the thermometer, and carefully place it on the bedside
    table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

    Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as
    you read it you will notice in small print the statement that
    says "every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is PERSONALLY
    tested".

    Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad
    that I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip company."
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  7. #7
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

    WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

    BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  8. #8
    is no more. Orange357's Avatar
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    LMAO!
    ...watch me reap of what I sow....

    and BOOM goes the dynomite!

  9. #9
    The Chicken Mr'ga
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    Originally posted by Sayiajin Prince
    BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

    WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

    BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."
    ROFLMAO!!
    For every $1 you donate to the "buy Lude more weight plates foundation", you will help add 1kg to my 1RM.



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  10. #10
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Sayiajin Prince
    At least 52 children were hospitalized after they ate sweets given out at school Monday in the northern Indian State of Chattisgarh, the United News of India (UNI) reported. Police said the state school pupils in Dhanora village fell ill after consuming biscuits and chocolate distributed by two unidentified men who entered the school at break. The men said they were celebrating their birthday. The children were hospitalized after they complained of severe stomach ache and dizziness. The police have launched a hunt for the men who handed out the sweets


    am i missing the punchline somewhere? or was that just a tidbit for our information?
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  11. #11
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    just info
    "The whole jedi thing was just not compatible with my lifestyle. My master was jelous he was always holding me back, -"be mindfull of the future, but live in the present"- what the hell does that mean? I even got my arm cut off...it just sucked. So i switched to the dark side and i havent looked back once...Now i am shooting lightning from my fingertips, choking people over the phone, i even get to wear a cape.....its just boss. My name is Anikin skywalker and i am a sith lord."

    "i have the sex drive of 10 rabbits on viagra"

    age: 19
    height: 5'8'' (im lieing its probably 5'7'')
    weight: 159-165 lbs (morning and day)
    bodyfat: 8.6
    bench:315
    squat:405
    Deadlift:500

    goals for end of the year 405/500/600 at 170-175(with the 8pack)

    other: dips 3 and a quarter plates for 4 reps

  12. #12
    is no more. Orange357's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Tryska




    am i missing the punchline somewhere? or was that just a tidbit for our information?

    yes...candy from strangers is badtuttut
    ...watch me reap of what I sow....

    and BOOM goes the dynomite!

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