*NEWS FLASH* Washington, D.C.
A Senate Committee composed of Senators Daschle, Clinton, and Feinstein
have announced that the rescue of the Pennsylvania coal miners has been
cancelled, and the miners will, by recommendation of the Committee, be
placed back in the mine. The Senators noted the following violations in
the rescue process:
10. Heavy diesel equipment was moved to the rescue site without concern
for possible air pollution.
9. Water was pumped out of the mine without first determining if it was
polluted, or providing an environmentally safe catchment area for the
8. Numerous holes were drilled in the ground during the rescue, without
first performing an Environmental Impact study.
7. No effort was made to ensure racial, ethnic, and sexual diversity of
the rescue workers.
6. The Governor of Pennsylvania was heard to "Thank God" during a live
television broadcast of the rescue, violating the separation of church
5. Several people at this public, government supported, rescue mentioned
4. The trapped miners did not represent a diversified cross section of
3. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Hillary Clinton were not given
sufficient time to make speeches at the site.
2. The Senate was not given sufficient time to determine whether or not
any Republican officeholder owned stock in the coal company, thus being
responsible for the conspiracy that caused the mine to flood.
And Number 1. No one mentioned that Al Gore invented mine rescues.
"Once a diversified group of miners has been chosen and placed back into
the mine shaft, the holes will be sealed, the water will be returned to the
mine, and the rescue will then be undertaken again, in an environmentally
and politically correct manner", the Committee noted.
"Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein
Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro
"If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak
"I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL
"It is often said, mainly by the "no-contests", that although there is no positive evidence for the existence of God, nor is there evidence against his existence. So it is best to keep an open mind and be agnostic. At first sight that seems an unassailable position, at least in the weak sense of Pascal's wager. But on second thought it seems a cop-out, because the same could be said of Father Christmas and tooth fairies. There may be fairies at the bottom of the garden. There is no evidence for it, but you can't prove that there aren't any, so shouldn't we be agnostic with respect to fairies?"
"Out of all of the sects in the world, we notice an uncanny coincidence: the overwhelming majority just happen to choose the one that their parents belong to. Not the sect that has the best evidence in its favour, the best miracles, the best moral code, the best cathedral, the best stained glass, the best music: when it comes to choosing from the smorgasbord of available religions, their potential virtues seem to count for nothing, compared to the matter of heredity. This is an unmistakable fact; nobody could seriously deny it. Yet people with full knowledge of the arbitrary nature of this heredity, somehow manage to go on believing in their religion, often with such fanaticism that they are prepared to murder people who follow a different one."
"Bah. You know I hate poor people."
"damn...can't beat logic like that.
NAte is exactly right." - Tryska
Last edited by TreeTrunks; 09-16-2002 at 12:55 PM.