The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    For you music lovers -- Understanding the Blues!

    HOW TO SING THE BLUES: If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the why and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:

    1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

    2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

    3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.

    Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."

    4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.

    5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

    6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

    7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

    8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

    9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

    10. Good places for the Blues

    a. highway
    b. jailhouse
    c. empty bed
    d. bottom of a whiskey glass

    11. Bad places for the Blues

    a. Nordstrom's
    b. gallery openings
    c. Ivy League institutions
    d. golf courses

    12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
    to be an old person, and you slept in it.

    13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

    Yes, if:

    a. you're older than dirt
    b. you're blind
    c. you shot a man in Memphis
    d. you can't be satisfied

    No, if:

    a. you have all your teeth
    b. you were once blind but now can see
    c. the man in Memphis lived
    d. you have a 401K or trust fund

    14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
    cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

    15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.
    Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

    a. cheap wine
    b. whiskey or bourbon
    c. muddy water
    d. black coffee

    The following are NOT Blues beverages:

    a. Perrier
    b. Chardonnay
    c. Snapple
    d. Slim Fast

    16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

    17. Some Blues names for women:

    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mama
    c. Bessie
    d. Fat River Dumpling

    18. Some Blues names for men:

    a. Joe
    b. Willie
    c. Little Willie
    d. Big Willie

    19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

    20. Blues Name Starter Kit

    a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
    b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
    c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

    For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
    Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

    21. I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period.

    Sorry!!!!!
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

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  3. #2
    WBBs motivational Speaker Rock's Avatar
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    hehe so true, I play the blues, and sometimes it does really feel good when you are down.
    A big thanks to all my friends in the USA, I am deeply grateful for your hospitality and kindness.

  4. #3
    Banned Reinier's Avatar
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    i listen to bb king a lot, as well as other blues artists

  5. #4
    Meathead Philosopher Pup's Avatar
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    Robert Johnson was the greatest blues artist ever...that is all!
    May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

  6. #5
    Banned
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    don't want no sugar in my coffee
    it makes me mean
    it makes me mean

  7. #6
    Ex-Mod Jane's Avatar
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    lol. Funny stuff. Suddenly, playing blues jazz on a baby grand piano seems kind of hypocritical.
    "Then on leg day do squats, lunges, stiff legged deadlifts, fluffernutters, and calf raises."--Belial, training a newbie

    PowermanDL on Russian culture: "Big furry hats come into play somewhere."

    "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." --Thomas Paine

  8. #7
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    Not if you found the piano in an alley behind a hotel undergoing rehab and several of the keys are missing, and one leg is busted. . .and you drag it back to your basement apartment under an auto parts store and prop the part with the broken leg on some cinder blocks, and play it until the wee hours of the morning under a bare light bulb taped to exposed wires.

    Probably the one you're playing on, though. . .yep, you're right.
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

  9. #8
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    bobby johnson made a deal with the devil.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  10. #9
    . Delphi's Avatar
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    Re: For you music lovers -- Understanding the Blues!

    Originally posted by JohnCollins

    19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

    [/B]

    LMAO @ Heather and Amber. Same goes for Brittany, Hillary, and Meagan. Where did those names come from, anyway? There should be a Federal Bureau of Acceptable Name Naming.

  11. #10
    Meathead Philosopher Pup's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Tryska
    bobby johnson made a deal with the devil.
    ...and then the devil went down to georgia
    May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

  12. #11
    el imposible ectx's Avatar
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    Originally posted by just_a_pup


    ...and then the devil went down to georgia
    ...Atlanta that is.
    ecDoesIt

    "You're such a girl carbon. You're strong as hell, making wicked progress, and I post in your journal. WTF more could you want?"
    Anthony

    "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
    - Sinclair Lewis

    My latest (and only) WBB article.

  13. #12
    Ex-Mod Jane's Avatar
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    He was lookin' for a soul to steal.
    "Then on leg day do squats, lunges, stiff legged deadlifts, fluffernutters, and calf raises."--Belial, training a newbie

    PowermanDL on Russian culture: "Big furry hats come into play somewhere."

    "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." --Thomas Paine

  14. #13
    A Fortnight Dead
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    He was in a bind...
    "human kind/
    Cannot bear very much reality/
    Time past and time future/
    What might have been and what has been / Point to one end, which is always present."

    -T.S. Eliot. "Four Quartets."

    "Redistribution [of wealth] is in effect far less a redistribution of free income from the richer to the poorer, as we [had] imagined, than a redistribution of power from the individual to the State."
    -Jouvenal

    Fear me, I am the bandersnatch.
    -Paul Stagg

  15. #14
    Climax of Intellect WillyTheGreat's Avatar
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    ^I used to know that song from the first to last letter...anyway, that's country =).

    *thumbs up* to Blues. I've been going to the Long Beach Blues Festival (probably biggest Blues fest on the West)...it's dope.

    I like:

    Willie Dixon

    Muddy Waters

    John Lee Hooker

    Buddy Guy

    Eric Clapton

    and more but those are my homeboys!

  16. #15
    Totally, dude!
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    That was great! Too bad I can't sing the blues. I have a trust fund.

  17. #16
    Equal Opportunity Offender Budiak's Avatar
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    He also cant sing, or play.


    And I cant play the blues because I've never shot a man..in Memphis, anyways.

  18. #17
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Fire on the Mountain, Run Boys Run!!!
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  19. #18
    Ex-Mod Jane's Avatar
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    cause he was way behind and was lookin' to make a deal
    "Then on leg day do squats, lunges, stiff legged deadlifts, fluffernutters, and calf raises."--Belial, training a newbie

    PowermanDL on Russian culture: "Big furry hats come into play somewhere."

    "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." --Thomas Paine

  20. #19
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    The last concert I ever saw live was Muddy Waters and Eric Clapton, together, in Chicago! When I was growing up in Chicago in the mid-late 70's I used to be able to go to smallish bar clubs and literally sit 10-15 feet away from guys like Muddy Waters with my feet on the stage and a pitcher in my hand. It was awesome.
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

  21. #20
    The chill in the air is me cyclone's Avatar
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    The Devil's in the house of the rising sun!!!!
    If you're going down.....go down swinging.~ me

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.~unknown

    she is very nice, we had sex first, then spoke later, I liked that.~Rock

  22. #21
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    chicken in the breadpin pickin out dough.....
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  23. #22
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    what I want to know is who let that chicken into the bread pan?

  24. #23
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    bread pin...like a chicken coop.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  25. #24
    Banned
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    LOL

    doH! managed a mondegreen there did i?

  26. #25
    Way below radar
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    Good one, JC You're just chock full of amusing stuff lately Thanks for the smile...

    I could give all to Time except - except
    What I myself have held. But why declare
    The things forbidden that while the Customs slept
    I have crossed to Safety with? For I am There,
    And what I would not part with I have kept.

    --Robert Frost

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