The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    How Engineers Think - humor

    Ever wonder what makes these animals tick? This cleared up a lot for me. Enjoy!

    Understanding Engineers - Take One
    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
    "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second
    engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
    business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
    threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
    "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly,
    'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two
    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
    half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Three A pastor, a doctor and an engineer
    were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
    The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
    waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't
    know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here
    comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi
    George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
    aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
    group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse
    from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free
    anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,"That's so
    sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
    doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
    buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The
    engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Four What is the difference between
    Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical
    Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


    Understanding Engineers - Take Six
    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
    possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
    mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No,
    it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
    thousands of electrical connections. " The last one said, "Actually it
    was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
    through a recreational area?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
    "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
    features yet."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
    was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
    said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for
    an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
    mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The
    engineer said, "I like both." Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a
    mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other
    woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
    An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
    and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
    bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
    spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
    beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer
    took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
    pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
    into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
    Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
    into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told
    you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week
    and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
    said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
    but a talking frog, now that's cool."
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

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  3. #2
    A. F.
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    that is freaking hilarious.

    then again i'm an engineer so

    lol at mechanical / civil engineer one.

    good stuff.
    Last edited by Spawn_X; 11-04-2002 at 07:16 PM.

  4. #3
    A. F.
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    never mind,

    they're all too funny.

    treetrunks:
    Last edited by Spawn_X; 11-04-2002 at 08:12 PM.

  5. #4
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    engineers had the best boatracing teams at my school

    that's all i know about them.

  6. #5
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    LOL! Too funny I'm going to pass those on to some of my students.







    Disclaimer: but we're all not like that..really, we aren't

    I could give all to Time except - except
    What I myself have held. But why declare
    The things forbidden that while the Customs slept
    I have crossed to Safety with? For I am There,
    And what I would not part with I have kept.

    --Robert Frost

  7. #6
    Bored Teenager DelveyBoy's Avatar
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    lol
    *changes mind about becoming civil engineer*
    Started Lifting Again!
    Msn Messenger: delveyboy@hotmail.com
    Im always pissed off and have occasional peaceful spells - By MrWebb78
    Nothing says masculin like a dump on the floor - by Intensity

  8. #7
    MulletII - AKA Ninja Boner Gyno Rhino's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Spawn_X
    that is freaking hilarious.

    then again i'm an engineer so

    lol at mechanical / civil engineer one.

    good stuff.
    So you're an engineer now, eh?
    Founding Member and CEO of the FFFA

    "All that matters is beauty on the inside! Outside beauty doesn't matter!"
    ~This is something ugly people say to feel better about themselves...

    "Strength and size don't matter! It's not fair to judge training knowledge based on strength and size!"
    ~This is something wussy people say to feel better about themselves...

    Pearls of Wisdom...


    Resident Ninja Demon (with a pet Radioactive Sloth) and SchlonkeyMaster of WBB!

    Rock is my 'Big Viking Brother', and not in a homo-esque way.

    And no COLON jokes, bastards!

  9. #8
    Senior Member TreeTrunks's Avatar
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    So you're an engineer now, eh
    lol gyno, good call. And he's also a fireman, policeman, army man, and an astronaut.

  10. #9
    A. F.
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    Originally posted by TreeTrunks


    lol gyno, good call. And he's also a fireman, policeman, army man, and an astronaut
    i recently got the position of being Your Pimp. imp icon goes here:



    the day i get a job i'm going to college for automotive engineering to expand my drafting/engineering skills/talents.

    and yes i have them.

    but for now i draft up plans/parts for model boat hulls and make the frame/boat out of balsa wood


  11. #10
    Senior Member TreeTrunks's Avatar
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    I don't think so Spawn


  12. #11
    A. F.
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    copying my link huh?

    low.

    Last edited by Spawn_X; 11-04-2002 at 08:13 PM.

  13. #12
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    Spqwn_X, one thing I know about you. . .you'd NEVER take the bicycle! You got that goin' for ya!
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

  14. #13
    A. F.
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    i dont understand..

    i love mountain biking..

    explain ?

  15. #14
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    Number one, the mountain biking one.
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

  16. #15
    HomeYield WillKuenzel's Avatar
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    I found no humor in any of those.


    They all seem pretty logical to me.

    <---- Is an engineer.
    What is elite?
    "Those who work the hardest often complain the least." -anonymous
    Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

  17. #16
    Have you seen my puke bag Bobo's Avatar
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    lol those are great

    here's some more

    A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leaned over to the Engineer and asked if he wanted to play a fun game. The Engineer just wanted to sleep so he politely declined, turned away and tried to sleep. The Programmer persisted and explained that it was a real easy game. He explained, "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

    The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay. If you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

    Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.

    The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.

    ***************************************

    THE ENGINEER SONG
    (Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

    Come and listen to a story 'bout a man name Jed,
    A poor College Kid barely kept his family fed
    But then one day he talked to a recruiter,
    "They'll pay ya big bucks if ya work on a computer",
    UNIX that is . . . CRT's . . . Workstations;

    Well the first thing ya know ol' Jed's an Engineer,
    The kinfolk said "Jed move away from here",
    They said "Arizona is the place ya oughta be",
    So he scarfed down some donuts and he moved to Ahwatukee,
    Intel that is . . . dry heat . . . no amusement parks;

    On his first day at work they stuck him in cube,
    The fed him more donuts and they sat him at a tube,
    They said "Your project's late but we know just what to do,
    Instead of 40 hours, hey, we'll work you fifty-two!"
    OT that is . . . unpaid . . . Mandatory

    The weeks rolled by and things were looking bad,
    The schedules they did slip and managers were mad,
    They called another meeting and decided on a fix,
    The answer's really simple, "Hey, we'll work him sixty-six",
    Tired that is . . . stressed out . . . no social life

    Well, months stretched to years and his hair was turning gray,
    Ol' Jed worked real hard while his life just slipped away,
    Waiting to retire when he aged to sixty-four,
    Instead he got a call and they kicked him out the door,
    Laid-off that is . . . Debriefed . . . Unemployed . . .
    I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape

    Fighting isn't fun... It's just fun to watch

    "The hardest part is getting started" -me

  18. #17
    A. F.
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    O lol.

    but see, the chick will last you one night, the bike you can keep.



    no competition there.

  19. #18
    Banned Berserker's Avatar
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    Whats the difference between a cowboy and an engineer?


    A cowboy has the bull**** on the outside of his boots.


    Fuee-F***edup electrical engineer

  20. #19
    Trying to figure this out JohnCollins's Avatar
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    Spawn, you're scaring me. I thought these were JOKES!
    "Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

    Had a good workout on my liver yesterday. Did a pretty high number of reps, but not to complete failure. Liver DOMS today is kinda bad...it has even reached my head! -- ElPietro

    "If I ever found a chick who smelled like gun powder and spent cartridges, I'd run to a jewelry store, rob it, and propose to her with a sack of diamonds. " --Budiak

    "I dance like a drunken white boy. I'm really screwed since I quit drinking." -- PowerManDL

  21. #20
    A. F.
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    but if you look at it from the technical point of view the bike would benefit you for the rest of your life, the one nighter wouldn't.


  22. #21
    Senior Member TreeTrunks's Avatar
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    unless that girl turned out to be your wife

  23. #22
    A. F.
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    chick i don't know offering me putty on the first day?

    definitely not my wife.

    Last edited by Spawn_X; 11-05-2002 at 12:07 PM.

  24. #23
    Senior Member TreeTrunks's Avatar
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    you never know. You just never know these things.

  25. #24
    Senior Member nismodreams's Avatar
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    hehe...great stuff...i'll mail to my lady engineer friend...hehe

    <--- eng. student off-season
    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    Henny Youngman

    The great aim of education is not knowledge but action.
    Herbert Spencer

    Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.
    Tupac Shakur

    The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
    Fyodor Dostoevsky

  26. #25
    A. F.
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    Originally posted by TreeTrunks
    you never know. You just never know these things.
    that's something i would stop myself with.. don't care how much i like the chick.. if she was easy then she will definitely not be someone i'm going to care about.

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