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Thread: The Geography of a Woman

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2003

    The Geography of a Woman

    The Geography of a Woman
    Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

    Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

    Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

    Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

    Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

    Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).

    After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

    The Geography of a Man
    Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

    Confucious say...

    ...woman sitting in jelly have her ass in jam. with penis in peanut butter, ****ing nuts. who puts penis in vaccuum cleaner, get sucked off.
    ...boy who lay girl on hill, not on level. who lose key to girlfriend apartment, get no new-key!
    ...he who finger girl during period, get caught red-handed.
    ...he who smoke pot, choke on handle.
    ...woman who wear g-string, high on crack!
    ...he who stand on toilet, high on pot!
    ...boy who go to bed with sex problem on mind, wake up with solution on-hand!
    ...girl who bathe in vinegar, walk around with sour-puss! with hand in bush, not nessarily trimming shrubs! who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money!
    ...he who masturbate, screw only himself!
    ...he who walks thru airplane door sideways is going to Bangkok!
    ...dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs!


    1. Juggling Knives is Easy
    2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven
    3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
    4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want
    5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase
    6. 101 Games to Play in the Road
    7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Divingboard is the Flusher
    8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub,a Blowdryer,and a Fork
    9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games
    10. Arthur Gets Hunted
    11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
    12. Monsters Killed Grandpa
    13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" Mrs.Clause is your real Mom
    14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
    15. All Guns Squirt Water
    16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
    17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
    18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
    19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
    20. 101 recipies to make with Dog
    21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree
    22. The New Boy is Bad
    23. Your Nightmares are real
    24. The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs
    25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis
    26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender
    27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious.....
    28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption
    29. Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap
    30. Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower
    31. Grampa Gets A Casket
    32. Dad's New Wife Robert
    33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refridgerator

    20 Ways to tell someone their fly is open.

    20. The cucumber has left the salad.
    19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
    18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
    17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
    16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
    15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
    14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
    13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
    12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
    11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
    10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
    9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
    8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
    7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
    6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
    5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
    4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
    3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
    2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
    1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.

    A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

    He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.

    He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

    "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

    "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
    "My ******* itches, and I can't scratch it!"

    Top 10 Valentine Card Rejects

    10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
    But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

    9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
    Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

    8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
    In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

    7. This feels so good, it feels so right
    I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

    6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
    Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

    5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
    But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

    4. Through all the things that came to pass
    Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

    3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
    I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

    2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
    So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

    1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
    you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

    A Native American boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

    "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?
    "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm", she said.

    Then he asked "Why is my sister named Cornflower"?
    "Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her", she replied.

    He then asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"?
    "We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived", the mother replies.

    The mother paused and said to her son...
    "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious"

    An old man is sitting at a table with his son and his new grandson.

    The old man looks at his son and asks...
    "Son, have you found out what that boy of yers is gonna be yet when he grows up?"

    The man curls his eyebrows and asks "huh?"
    The old man gets up and says "wait right here."

    About five minutes pass and the old man comes back with a bottle of beer, some poker playing cards, and a bible.

    The old man lines up the three items in front of the infant and looks at the man and says:

    " Ok, here's how it works...
    If the boy grabs the beer he's gonna be a drunk.
    If he grabs the cards he's gonna be a gambler.
    If he grabs the bible he's gonna be a preacher."

    The baby stares at the items for a moment.
    He then reaches out and grabs all three items.

    The old man shouts...
    Last edited by Bravo; 04-19-2005 at 03:43 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Miss Rezza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Even though that took a while to get through.... there's some pretty funny stuff in there!!
    'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'
    - Eleanor Roosevelt

  3. #3
    AM MMA Fighter crazedwombat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Sweating and grunting...where you should be.
    haha yea, some good ones
    HT: 6'3 / WT: 265lbs 16%BF

    "Somewhere along the line, we seem to have confused comfort with happiness."

    MMA Guru
    - I like girls -

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    The Geography of a Man
    Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

  5. #5
    Breaker of Skulls Guido's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    40N 88W
    I think I remember some of those children's books from when I was little.
    5'9" 195 lbs
    DL 600x1
    SQ 490x1 (raw)
    BP 430x1 (shirted), 320x1 (raw)
    SN 209x1 C+J 250x1

    My Training Journal

    "Most people don't want to learn new things. They only want to hear about things that validate crap they're already doing." - Mike Boyle

  6. #6
    Bulking Sith Knight Stephen Riddington's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    I laughed my ass off on the first joke and the different ways of letting peeps know that your flys open.
    You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'-Homer Simpson
    My brother always said that drowning in beer would be like heaven. Well, my brother's not here and I have two soakers... This sucks!!!-Bob McKenzie
    Hockey is murder on ice-Jim Murray
    Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God.-Superintendent Pang (Hard Boiled)


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