Sorry about the carriage returns. Screwed up email paste.
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.
I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all
their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out
work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
and worry about my liver."
by Jack Handy
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
that's as ! good as they're going to feel all day. "
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
not go nearly as well with pizza."
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
Salvation in a can!
And saving the best for last,
As explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
whole group keeps improving by the regular
killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain
only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of
alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption
beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few