Well, if you guys haven't kept up or not, but my girlfriend just broke up with me. After being together for 2 and 1/2 years about, she called it quits. It all being my fault but I feel like such an asshole and so depressed that I did this.

Heres my story:

We end up dating my Junior year, her being a Sophomore me being a Junior. Ended up going to Homecoming her (we'll call her Maria) her being a Dutchesses and me being Prince that year. It was awesome, things were going great. I consider her being my first true love, even losing my virginity to her and her to I. We were always together, after school, whatever we did we would be together. During wrestling season she became the manager so we would travel together. She would even tell me tips of what I probably did wrong even after I've been wrestling for 4 years and she just beginning to learn that year. During soccer season we both played and thats when I started losing interest. I remember breaking up with her and it being hard. I actually did it because of another girl. A girl that I dated back in 6th grade and ended up going out with for 11 months and not even kissing (we'll call her Lori). Well during all that I just felt out of place. Holding hands with Lori and just being seen with her. I felt out of place. Just couldn't get over being with another girl was compared to Maria.

Well making plans with Maria for Prom already, I decided to go with her. I ended up enjoying being with her again. Dancing with her and just talking to her was great, even though I was still dating Lori. Lori though ended up getting rip sh!t and even though we made plans to hang out after Prom she just became so frustrated that we didn't. I just didn't want to be around her. Ended up I breaking up with Lori and began dating Maria again.

To make a long story short, I went out with Maria again broke up a few more times dated a few other people but always ended up going back to her. I always missed her cause no other relationship compared to what I had with her.

Now to College a few years later, I tried breaking up with Maria before I left cause I knew things were going to be hard (I wouldn't see her in about a year). Ended up she started crying and things got emotion so I still went out with her. Well it ended up I cheating on Maria by kissing a few girls throughout this year. Ended up being the worst decision of my life. She found out through a few friends after i lied and lied about it. Once she found out i told her the truth. Told her I hooked up with a few people this year and it not being anything. No sex, just kissing no emotion involved. (I must sound like such an idiot) anyways we broke up again but this time for good.

I regret everything that I did. Kissing those girls at college, breaking up with her all the time. I truly do love her and wish her back to me. I told her if she gave me one more chance and if I did anything wrong, she wouldn't have to explain anything to me, and that it would just be over. I made A LOT of mistakes with her and I could see why she wouldn't want anything to do with me. I really think I've learned this time and really do want to be with her. She is my first love and I love her to death. I just wanted to have that attachment with her that I had before.

Anyways though I realized how sh!tty I treated her. I was such an asshole about everything. I guess i thought about myself too much and didn't respect her the way she should have been treated. She was my lady and I abused our relationship, screwing everything up myself. Her not being the fault of anything. Anyways we've talked and now she told me we are through with dating but atleast wanted to be friends. I must sound like an asshole but i told her I didn't want her sympathy relationship and that she was just doing it cause we had so much together. I told her that things would not be the same and that I still wanted to be with her. Anyways she told me she was through, started cussing at me "that she didn't understand this bull**** and told me to start whining to someone else cause she wasn't going to buy it"

Anyways though we aren't even friends, I regret everything I did and all I was asking for was one more chance. I truly do feel like such an asshole, so much regret. I've learned some lessons that I will keep for the rest of my life, but wish I really could do it all again. What I did was lust not love cause she is my love. I've cried many times, lost so much sleep, 10 pounds along with screwing up some exams becuase I couldn't think. All during class she is on my mind...

I really dont' know what to do now. I've screwed up, I want her back but can't. I need advice. I'm soo depressed now about all this. Don't know what to do really.....I'm stuck