The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Senior Member Kayak_boy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    The Beach, Sydney

    A few jokes for a Friday!!

    Why Did the Chicken cross the road?

    SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
    The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

    We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
    know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
    either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

    Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    I agree with George.

    We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not
    yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
    roads without having their motives called into question.

    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
    Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening
    to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how
    it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.

    Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together -
    in peace.

    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    It was an historic inevitability.

    What chicken?

    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
    the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    Chicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
    your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and internet
    explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

    Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    What is your definition of chicken?

    And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU
    SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there
    was rejoicing.

    Did I miss one?


    Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n

    A good-looking man walked into an agents office in Hollywood and said,
    "I want to be a movie-star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had all the credentials.
    The agent asked, "What's your name?"
    The guy said, "My name is Penis Van Lesbian."
    The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get a break in Hollywood, you are gonna have to change your name.
    "I will not change my name!" the actor exclaimed. "The Van Lesbian name is centuries old, and I will not disrespect my father and his ancestors
    by changing my name. Never!"
    With that, he left the office.

    Five years later the agent opened an envelope sent to his office.
    Inside the envelope were a letter and a check for $50,000.
    The agent was beside himself who would possibly send him $50,000? He read the letter enclosed with the check:

    Dear Sir:

    Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me I needed to change my name, but determined to make it
    with my God-given birth name, I refused.

    You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said, and decided you were right. I had to change my name, but I had too much
    pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I know I would
    never have been successful without the name change, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

    Thank you for your honest advice.


    Dick Van Dyke

    A married couple is driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." She asks, "What about the smell?" He says, "Hold its nose."

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  3. #2
    II MrWebb78's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    The Big Sac
    lol at einstein and clinton
    A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. - Edward Abbey

    There is a wide difference between speaking to deceive, and being silent to be impenetrable. - Voltaire

    If it can be imagined, it can be done. - Me

    273 lbs.

  4. #3
    Senior Member GhettoSmurf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Michigan, USA
    quite funny, a good way to start off my Friday

    "Eat until it hurts dammit! Then eat more. Youll get used to it. I think its like sex for a chick. Sure it hurts the first time, but after a couple rides it just goes in like a glove." -clvmike19

    "... chicks are like smarties. They're different colors but each share the same deliciousness. Its just a matter of deciding if you'll save the red ones for last or eat a bunch of different ones in the same handful." -wibble

  5. #4
    the stone cold stunner Ironman8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Palmdale, C.A
    LOL@ Bill Gates
    You kill me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize....


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