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Thread: A few jokes for a Friday!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Kayak_boy's Avatar
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    A few jokes for a Friday!!

    Why Did the Chicken cross the road?

    SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
    The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

    GEORGE W BUSH
    We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
    know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is
    either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

    COLIN POWELL
    Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    TONY BLAIR
    I agree with George.

    HANS BLIX
    We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not
    yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    DR SEUSS
    Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
    roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA
    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
    Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    TRICIA
    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening
    to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how
    it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.

    JOHN LENNON
    Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together -
    in peace.

    ARISTOTLE
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX
    It was an historic inevitability.

    RONALD REAGAN
    What chicken?

    SIGMUND FREUD
    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
    the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES
    Chicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
    your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and internet
    explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN
    Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON
    What is your definition of chicken?

    THE BIBLE
    And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU
    SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there
    was rejoicing.

    COLONEL SANDERS
    Did I miss one?

    HOMER SIMPSON

    Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n



    A good-looking man walked into an agents office in Hollywood and said,
    "I want to be a movie-star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had all the credentials.
    The agent asked, "What's your name?"
    The guy said, "My name is Penis Van Lesbian."
    The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get a break in Hollywood, you are gonna have to change your name.
    "I will not change my name!" the actor exclaimed. "The Van Lesbian name is centuries old, and I will not disrespect my father and his ancestors
    by changing my name. Never!"
    With that, he left the office.

    Five years later the agent opened an envelope sent to his office.
    Inside the envelope were a letter and a check for $50,000.
    The agent was beside himself who would possibly send him $50,000? He read the letter enclosed with the check:

    Dear Sir:

    Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me I needed to change my name, but determined to make it
    with my God-given birth name, I refused.

    You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said, and decided you were right. I had to change my name, but I had too much
    pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I know I would
    never have been successful without the name change, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

    Thank you for your honest advice.

    Sincerely,

    Dick Van Dyke



    A married couple is driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." She asks, "What about the smell?" He says, "Hold its nose."

  2. #2
    II MrWebb78's Avatar
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    lol at einstein and clinton
    A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. - Edward Abbey

    There is a wide difference between speaking to deceive, and being silent to be impenetrable. - Voltaire

    If it can be imagined, it can be done. - Me

    6'2"
    273 lbs.

  3. #3
    Senior Member GhettoSmurf's Avatar
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    quite funny, a good way to start off my Friday

    thanks
    "Eat until it hurts dammit! Then eat more. Youll get used to it. I think its like sex for a chick. Sure it hurts the first time, but after a couple rides it just goes in like a glove." -clvmike19

    "... chicks are like smarties. They're different colors but each share the same deliciousness. Its just a matter of deciding if you'll save the red ones for last or eat a bunch of different ones in the same handful." -wibble

  4. #4
    the stone cold stunner Ironman8's Avatar
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    LOL@ Bill Gates
    You kill me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize....

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