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Thread: Cheating on your gf/bf

  1. #1
    Ex-Mod Jane's Avatar
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    Cheating on your gf/bf

    How do you define cheating, when you're in an "official" relationship?

    Definition
    Is flirting cheating? Is flirting not cheating, but wrong anyway? Is flirting harmless?

    Is kissing cheating? Is oral sex cheating? Or is it just intercourse that is the one definite boundary line?

    Reaction
    If you're a guy, and you told a buddy you cheated on your girlfriend, what would he say? How would you feel? Would you fess up to your g/f? Would you do it again?

    If you're a girl, and you told your best girlfriend you cheated on your boyfriend, how would she react? How would you feel? Would you tell him? Would you do it again?

    Just curious.
    Last edited by Jane; 05-16-2003 at 04:20 PM.
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    Grand Kaiser of h8 RG570's Avatar
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    im against monogamy, so it doesnt apply to me, but if it did, i would say this: .... no i cant even begin to imagine what i might think about this topic
    sorry
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  3. #3
    Do that voodoo that he do
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    I wouldn't step as far as to say flirting is "cheating", but I'd not be ok with any serious flirting.

    I consider cheating to be sexual activity with another person. A peck on the cheek or whatever isn't a big deal, but any sort of hearty kiss or beyond is over the line.


    I'm not a cheater, myself. However, hypothetically: My boys would first ask if I'm going to be caught (looking out for me), THEN all but one or two would read me the riot act and pummel me for being an asshole. That type of thing is not tolerated by most of my group.

    Their loyality is to me, though (and vice-versa). They wouldn't "rat me out". We let each other sink or swim on things like that.


    Edit: My stance on cheating is this: If you do it, get out. I will break up with someone if I'm that inclined to cheat with another, and I expect the same curtesy. If you don't want to be with me, why are we wasting our time?

    I'm also ok with open relationships (f*ck buddies, friends with benefits, whatever). However, those are to be clearly defined. "Cheating" applies in an official relationship, like you stipulated.
    Last edited by Isaac Wilkins; 05-16-2003 at 04:50 PM.

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  5. #5
    Ex-Mod Jane's Avatar
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    Originally posted by RG570
    im against monogamy, so it doesnt apply to me, but if it did, i would say this: .... no i cant even begin to imagine what i might think about this topic
    sorry
    Could you explain some of your ideas, please? I'm very curious.
    "Then on leg day do squats, lunges, stiff legged deadlifts, fluffernutters, and calf raises."--Belial, training a newbie

    PowermanDL on Russian culture: "Big furry hats come into play somewhere."

    "The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." --Thomas Paine

  6. #6
    Newd poster SquareHead's Avatar
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    ing = cheating
    kissinup on some one = cheating
    flirting = part of life
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  7. #7
    Lord Kel Masters Sayiajin Prince's Avatar
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    if i had a girl i might be more able to answer this question lol
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    Administrator chris mason's Avatar
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    I pretty much agree with Borris' assertations. Flirting is not a good thing because it can easily lead to more.

    Now, as to my friends pummeling me, well no. I would like to think that my core group of friends (16 years +) would not condone my actions, yet they be supportive of me and hopefully help me to make the right decisions.

  9. #9
    . Delphi's Avatar
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    Kissing is cheating in my book. Flirting is a non-committal way to find out if someone can cheat with another person. If it doesn't lead anywhere or if someone gets caught flirting they just say they were doing some harmless flirting. It's the same as casing the joint prior to a bank heist, if you will. If I had a wife/girlfriend that flirted I would assume it would just be a matter of time before I found out I was being cheated on. I'm not one to beat around the bush or bullsh1t when it comes to relationships. You're either faithful and committed or I'm out of there. The way I see it it's not that hard to come up with a faithful partner that I have to subject myself to the humiliation and degradation of putting up with an unfaithful partner. My gut feeling is that if you have to ask about the topic, you already know that something wrong is going on.

    Catch me some time and I'll tell you how I really feel about it.

  10. #10
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    In my opinion, cheating is any time you betray the trust of the person you are with. Kissing, flirting, pecs on the cheek (greetings like in Europe), etc are all cheating in my opinion. In many cases, simply flirting with some other girl can be a major form of cheating because it degrades the person you are with by showing everybody else that their mate is insignicficant.

    Cheating doesn't come just in the form of physical activity, and in many cases emotional cheating can be just as hurtful.
    Last edited by GIS; 05-16-2003 at 06:37 PM.

  11. #11
    . Delphi's Avatar
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    Good point, GIS. We had a discussion at work one time. The question was, would your wife be more upset if you had meaningless sex with a prostitute or if you had nonsexual intimacy with a woman. The hands down answer was the intimacy was more damaging to the relationship than the empty sex. Not that sex with the prostitute was any small problem. Back to GIS's point, it doesn't have to be physical to be bad on a relationship. Good Lord, I'm starting to sound like someone's dad. Quick, slap some sense into me with a trout.

  12. #12
    Do that voodoo that he do
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    Originally posted by chris mason
    I pretty much agree with Borris' assertations. Flirting is not a good thing because it can easily lead to more.

    Now, as to my friends pummeling me, well no. I would like to think that my core group of friends (16 years +) would not condone my actions, yet they be supportive of me and hopefully help me to make the right decisions.
    I know you're not nitpicking, so don't take this that way.

    Perhaps "pummeling" was more figurative than literal, but there would at least be verbal pummeling.

    My friends would also stand behind me, though they are comfortable enough to voice their disapproval.

  13. #13
    Mystic Eric
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    Re: Cheating on your gf/bf

    Originally posted by Jane
    How do you define cheating, when you're in an "official" relationship?

    Definition
    Is flirting cheating? Is flirting not cheating, but wrong anyway? Is flirting harmless?

    Is kissing cheating? Is oral sex cheating? Or is it just intercourse that is the one definite boundary line?

    Reaction
    If you're a guy, and you told a buddy you cheated on your girlfriend, what would he say? How would you feel? Would you fess up to your g/f? Would you do it again?

    If you're a girl, and you told your best girlfriend you cheated on your boyfriend, how would she react? How would you feel? Would you tell him? Would you do it again?

    Just curious.
    What is your stance on these questions, Jane?

    I consider any intimacy or physical (sensual) touching cheating. A kiss is cheating and so is groping, oral sex, intercourse or whatever. However, I don't think that flirting is cheating. If my girlfriend (if i had one) flirted with other guys I wouldn't care as long as it she only cares about me and not the other guy. There's degrees of fliring though. If it's innocent flirting it's all good, but if the flirting leads to physical stuff, I'd snap.

    As for the reactions, it depends on the friend. If I cheated, I would tell her and if I wouldn't do it again because I wouldn't cheat in the first place.

  14. #14
    Senior Member icanrace's Avatar
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    Amen Brutha!!

    Originally posted by GIS
    In my opinion, cheating is any time you betray the trust of the person you are with. Kissing, flirting, pecs on the cheek (greetings like in Europe), etc are all cheating in my opinion. In many cases, simply flirting with some other girl can be a major form of cheating because it degrades the person you are with by showing everybody else that their mate is insignicficant.

    Cheating doesn't come just in the form of physical activity, and in many cases emotional cheating can be just as hurtful.
    I agree 100%

  15. #15
    is numero uno Saint Patrick's Avatar
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    OK, here's my story:

    Back in 2001, when I was married, I changed departments at my work. There was a woman in this new department that took a liking to me, amd I took a liking to her as well. We talked on IM a lot at work, and outside of work. We flirted. HEAVILY. We never kissed, and never had sex. We talked about having sex, but that's all it was. TALK. She sent me some pretty raunchy emails, and wouldn't you know, my wife (now ex-wife) read them. While I never "cheated" on her, it really looked bad. If I was her, I wouldn't have believed me either. She could never trust me from that point on.

    It's what out marriage counselor called an "emotional affair".

    Did I have sex with another woman? No.

    Did I betray her trust? Most definitely.
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  16. #16
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    i think cheating is any kind of intimate contact. flirting is not cool either....because you shouldn't be doing it when in a relationship. my gf made out with my friend who's a girl tho tonight and it doesmn't bother me yet. but i'm drunk so maybe i'll be pissed at her tlomorrow. oh well. stupid girls. i guess it just depends on what bothers you.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Manveet's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Saint Patrick
    OK, here's my story:

    Back in 2001, when I was married, I changed departments at my work. There was a woman in this new department that took a liking to me, amd I took a liking to her as well. We talked on IM a lot at work, and outside of work. We flirted. HEAVILY. We never kissed, and never had sex. We talked about having sex, but that's all it was. TALK. She sent me some pretty raunchy emails, and wouldn't you know, my wife (now ex-wife) read them. While I never "cheated" on her, it really looked bad. If I was her, I wouldn't have believed me either. She could never trust me from that point on.

    It's what out marriage counselor called an "emotional affair".

    Did I have sex with another woman? No.

    Did I betray her trust? Most definitely.
    Was this what ended your marriage?
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  18. #18
    Ex-Mod Jane's Avatar
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    Re: Re: Cheating on your gf/bf

    Originally posted by Mystic Eric


    What is your stance on these questions, Jane?
    Well Eric, to be honest, I am currently trying to determine my stance on these questions.
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  19. #19
    Skinny Fat John0101's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Saint Patrick

    Did I betray her trust? Most definitely.
    good call, this is cheating in my book
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  20. #20
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    cheating- WHEN U GET CAUGHT.
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  21. #21
    Banned Reinier's Avatar
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    Cheating is when you create the trust with someone that you are only his and then get intimate with somebody else.

    it really just depends on the sit whats intimate, but kissing and having sex are pretty sure bets.

    Cheating is nasty.

    just sleeping around is cool but only if the girl doesn`t expect otherwise

  22. #22
    Senior Member Wikked1's Avatar
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    Deep topic Jane...I think cheating is much like betrayal , not everyone sees it or thinks of it the same. But as a guy who's been married for a long time I think this sums up what cheating is best:Cheating is doing anything with a person other than your significant other that he/she would not approve of. We all define it differently but if you're ever in a situation and sit and ask yourself....how would my partner feel about this if he/she knew....? and you come up with the p*ssed answer......consider it cheating.

  23. #23
    The chill in the air is me cyclone's Avatar
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    Listen to your conscience........if you feel bad, guilty or whatever, its probably cheating.
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  24. #24
    Senior Member Exnor's Avatar
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    Yeah, i think borris nailed it for me. Although most of my friends would probably egg me on, some would no longer respect me.

    Bleh. Cheating.

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    I'm 100% with Delphi. He's got it right.
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