The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Fathers and Sons

    since we have a broad spectrum of guys around here, i figured i would ask.....

    how important is a biological father for his son? can that role be filled by a Mom? what about extended family? grandfather, uncle, etc?

    i know my answers, but since i'm female, i don't think i can begin to understand what it's like for a male....

    i would appreciate any and all thoughts on the matter.
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  3. #2
    HomeYield WillKuenzel's Avatar
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    My dad has always been a very important person in my life. He is always somebody whom I look up to and I always do my best to earn his respect. I know I would definitely be a different person and not for better either, had it been anybody else.
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  4. #3
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    so it sounds like y'all have a good relationship.....

    so now what if the father in question is not healthy for the rest of the family....say he's got an addiction, or he's abusive, or he's a cheat?
    Last edited by Tryska; 10-13-2003 at 11:46 AM.
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  5. #4
    HomeYield WillKuenzel's Avatar
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    Speaking just in terms of the sons, I've seen it go either way, but more often than not, its not the right way.

    The area I'm from doesn't always have the best people, and an unhealthy father tends to bring the rest of the family down. On occassions I've seen the son go against the odds and become a very good person regardless of everything that happened. I haven't seen that to be the norm though.
    What is elite?
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    Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

  6. #5
    . rpffly's Avatar
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    My dad has infuenced alot of my mannerisms and the way I think. But he says my mannerisms are more like my grandfather who is/was an Irish immigrant from the old country. I don't really know, if I was adopted, I wonder how I would be. I've actually asked that same question to one of my friends who is adopted and he says he has no interest in finding his biological parents. His dad by adoption is a pretty great guy so I guess it didn't matter to him.
    Won't you pour me a Cuban Breeze Gretchen......

  7. #6
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    so what if the mom up and leaves with the kids? does a son have a better chance if he's not with his biological father, and understands why he's not?


    or does it make him angry and cynical and maladjusted?
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  8. #7
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    Interesting post.

    >>how important is a biological father for his son?
    He doesn't exactly need to be biological but a boy does need some form of father figure growing up. I don't know anything about girls so I can't comment on that. It is extremely important though. If I was a girl I would do my best to make sure there was a father figure there for my son if the real biological father was not around. And lets face it, many times this is the case, we live in a society filled with pussified men who don't want to take any kind of responsibility. Well let me rephrase that, we live in a society where nobody wants to take responsibility, but that's another topic.

    >>can that role be filled by a Mom?
    No it can't there is absolutely no way.

    >>what about extended family? grandfather, uncle, etc?
    Again I think any "father figure" would work, but to be a father figure he has to be there constantly, and from an early age. Once the kid is 13+ it becomes much harder to fit a father figure into the kids life. I think 15 or so would be a good generic cutoff age as to when it's almost impossible to fit a father figure into the boys life with 100% success.

    Again I think it's extremely important for a boy to have a father figure growing up. I don't think a woman can really understand this, and I think that's why you posted. The reason I say this is because I have no idea of how important a mother/father are for a girl.

  9. #8
    Kitty Kung-Fu Shroud's Avatar
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    I've known my father and have him be a part of my life since childhood. I'm also a father myself now so I guess I have the ability to answer it from both sides even if I can't speak as someone who grew up in the absence of their biological father.

    A father is a father because they care about their child's well-being, hopes and dreams. There are far too many biological father's out there who don't give a **** about their kids, mistreat them and provide zero guidance. They're fathers but not fathers (if you understand what I'm getting at).

    Thus, I think someone else can fill the role of father. This is especially true if the biological father isn't in the picture, is a lousy parent so on and so forth. Yes, a mother could fill the shoes to a degree but it would be nice if there is someone in the extended family or a good friend who really cares could be there for the child. If a mother is busy being a father, then she has less time to be a mother and that is just as important.

  10. #9
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    thanks dedicated - i appreciate your response.

    i mean is a son just irrevocably damaged if the father is out of the picture? i mean i know it sounds like a stupid question, because i see sons wihtout dads all the time, especially in these times, and obviously quite a few turn out just fine - but is there something i'm not seeing?
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  11. #10
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    wow - thanks shroud that definitely makes me feel better - i've got a family situation right now, where this is actually the issue - the boy is 2 1/2 tho - and personally i would rather see him without his father and mostly happy, then with his father, definitely irrevocably damaged 10 or 12 years from now.
    Last edited by Tryska; 10-13-2003 at 11:55 AM.
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  12. #11
    Senior Member Trent_Steel's Avatar
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    Dads act as role models, if the dad is a good role model the son will have benefited from this. A father who is a negative role model, ie he beats his wife, he steals, he doesnt have a job, will set a very bad example and will drag his son down with him to some degree.

    I would say then if the dad is a good dad you will have a very well balanced man, but if he isnt you could do alot worse then having a single parent upbringing.

    Even if you havent got a dad, you can find a positive male role models in a grandad or an uncle for example.

  13. #12
    . rpffly's Avatar
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    I think not having a father or permanent male figure in a boys life can have an impact on the way they preceive/ treat women for instance.
    Won't you pour me a Cuban Breeze Gretchen......

  14. #13
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    so now what if the father in question is not healthy for the rest of the family....say he's got an addiction, or he's abusive, or he's a cheat?
    I don't think anyone should live with a person who causes them discomfort, why live your life unhappy, there is no need, there is always another way, there is always a choice. The fact that people fail to see their choices and take advantage of them is why some people are always in the gutter and unhappy. I'm not saying the woman should leave the guy, but she has to recognize that there is always another way and open herself up to all the options.

    Originally posted by Tryska
    so what if the mom up and leaves with the kids? does a son have a better chance if he's not with his biological father, and understands why he's not?


    or does it make him angry and cynical and maladjusted?
    The effect it will have on the child depends largely on the boys age IMO. How old is the kid in question?

    Oh and if I didn't make it clear in my other post, I think a father figure has to actually live with the kid.

  15. #14
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    Originally posted by Tryska
    wow - thanks shroud that definitely makes me feel better - i've got a family situation right now, where this is actually the issue - the boy is 2 1/2 tho - and personally i would rather see him without his father and mostly happy, then with his father, definitely irrevocably damaged 10 or 12 years from now.
    2 1/2 thats great, the mom has plenty of time to meet other people, I think she should leave. The hard part will be finding a good guy especially since she has a kid.

    Some Fruedians might disagree but I tend to think all that traumatic childhood experience stuff is garbage, especially at 2 1/2 way to young hehe.

  16. #15
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    yeah i got that part - the kid is 21/2 right now - his mother, while in a very unhealthy situation for her, and for her sons future well-being, seems to think that his biological has to be int he kid's life or he will be permanently damaged.

    imo the father being in the kids life will be permanently damaging, and far more damaging then him not living with them.
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  17. #16
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dedicated


    2 1/2 thats great, the mom has plenty of time to meet other people, I think she should leave. The hard part will be finding a good guy especially since she has a kid.

    she's also got family - a brother and a father, who will be there in the event she neither meets nor wants another husband.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

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    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  18. #17
    HomeYield WillKuenzel's Avatar
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    I agree with Dedicated in that I don't think it has to be biological. It just has to be a male role model in the boy's life. I'm not sure how well its documented but I think its safe to say that if another male role model is introduced at an early enough age (especially one that has a better effect), that it wouldn't negatively impact the child at all and in fact might be beneficial.
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    "Those who work the hardest often complain the least." -anonymous
    Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

  19. #18
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    Originally posted by Tryska


    she's also got family - a brother and a father, who will be there in the event she neither meets nor wants another husband.
    Good to hear. Sounds like the hard part will be convincing your friend to make the decision to leave her husband. Not an easy task. Goodluck I hope it works out well for her.

  20. #19
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    yeah - but in the end, i can't control the outcome, so while i may feel things should go a certain way, it still winds up being her choice.



    irks me tho.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


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  21. #20
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    Re: Fathers and Sons

    Originally posted by Tryska
    since we have a broad spectrum of guys around here, i figured i would ask.....

    how important is a biological father for his son? can that role be filled by a Mom? what about extended family? grandfather, uncle, etc?

    i know my answers, but since i'm female, i don't think i can begin to understand what it's like for a male....

    i would appreciate any and all thoughts on the matter.
    What's a father?

  22. #21
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    you tell me.
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

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  23. #22
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    I wouldn't be able to.......

    I know what a mom's boyfriend is....and if that's anything like a father then I'm glad I never had 1 to begin with.......

  24. #23
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Originally posted by rpffly
    I think not having a father or permanent male figure in a boys life can have an impact on the way they preceive/ treat women for instance.
    actually could you explain this a little further? how do you fele it affects the way they perceive/treat women?


    and trent - thanks for your comments!
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  25. #24
    Party of "No." Tryska's Avatar
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    Originally posted by stray dogg
    I wouldn't be able to.......

    I know what a mom's boyfriend is....and if that's anything like a father then I'm glad I never had 1 to begin with.......


    so do you think you were impacted negatively for not having a father/father figure?
    A little learning is a dangerous thing...

    Live Dangerously! Learn a Little!


    Dude, did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

  26. #25
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    Originally posted by Tryska






    so do you think you were impacted negatively for not having a father/father figure?
    The answer remains to be a question.......

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