The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Senior Member DokterVet's Avatar
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    Serious advice needed

    Hi,
    This is a pretty serious issue for me, and I thought people here might have had some experience in it.

    Ok, I'm 18 years old, and I've been with my girlfriend for close to 3 years. I was crazy about her for 2 years prior to that as well.
    But in the past 3 years she's gained 50 - 60 pounds (that's coming from a minimum while she was bullemic). It's definately good that she doesn't throw up her food any more, but she's starting to not look like the girl I fell in love with.
    She lives in another town now, so I only see her every two weeks, and I can't help but be dissapointed when I see her because she doesn't look the way I still see her in my mind.

    She always complains that she's fat and thinks she's ugly now and I try to be diplomatic about it. She's tried diets but always gives up after a week or two. I always suggest to her that she needs to do cardio AND diet to lose weight, but it just doesn't sink in, or she ignores it.

    How can I convince her to join a gym? Or if she doesn't want to do it is it a lost cause?
    If I do convince her, what would be a good routine to start off with? She says she can't jog because it hurts her ankles, and there is no pool in her town.

    Sorry for the length,
    but I'd appreciate any advice.

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  3. #2
    Wannabebig New Member HahnB's Avatar
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    I had a roomate that went through the same thing. His girlfriend gained about 30lbs in a year. In my opinion, it wasn't so much that the added weight was a turn off for him, but the fact that she let herself go with no will power was unattractive.

    If you've been with her that long you should feel comfortable talking with her about this. Just tell her how you feel and see if she wants to join you in a gym. If she has really gained 50lbs, she should recongize this herself. It would be a little harsher if she had only put on 5lbs and you brought this up, but 50lbs is a lot for any person to gain. Don't worry, I'm sure she is just as interested in losing the weight as you are-but remember girls are extremely sensitive about things like this.
    My brother and I were brutal. I once chased him around the house with a spoon that I put on the burner. I burned that little pricks leg. -sharkall2003

    Then I saw a little african boy sleeping, and I thought...that is little Okeke. he is tired from herding all the goats and the big goat got away today - Rock

  4. #3
    Senior Member DokterVet's Avatar
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    She's definately aware...she complains about it a LOT. And she won't sit down without holding a pillow in front of her stomach.

    But when she says, "I'm fat and ugly", what am I supposed to say? I say "of course not."

    I guess I will talk to her. I just don't want to be the guy that made his girlfriend lose weight though. I wish she'd do it for herself.

  5. #4
    Senior Member donraja's Avatar
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    i think its hard to MAKE someone to lose weight, they would have to WANT it for themselves. Seems like she isnt too motivated to do anything about it since she's making all these excuses. Just tell her what she has to do and leave it up to her. You cannot force her to do anything as it would just cause problems.

  6. #5
    Mostly healed up! PizDoff's Avatar
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    Is there a gym you two can both go to?
    IMO if you both start doing it together (the gym workout that is) and hopefully with you there she will start to enjoy it. Then she will associate the gym with a place she can go to feel good.

    Won't be easy...

  7. #6
    Hi Mom! Xand's Avatar
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    Are you sure that she is not bullemic anymore? If she did kick it, how did she do it? Not all bullemics are skinny. Hormonal influx and water retention can cause some to balloon up.
    August 1, 2006 240lbs
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  8. #7
    Senior Member DokterVet's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses guys.


    Unfortunately we can't go to a gym together because she lives an hour and a half away from me. There is a gym within walking distance of her house that she has told me about though.

    I should specify what I meant by bullemic. I meant bullemia nervosa (sp?). She would throw up her food. She probably lost 20 pounds by doing that around 3 years ago (She was just a little bit overweight when she started. So she's probably 45 pounds or so overweight now). She stopped when we started dating. Now she still eats eats a lot, but doesn't do much physical activity. She grooms dogs for a living, so at least she is on her feet and moving around, but other than that she just lazes around.

    And Xand, according to her, she quit throwing up because she knew I would still like her if she wasn't super skinny....

    That's one reason this is difficult for me to bring up with her.
    Last edited by DokterVet; 11-15-2003 at 10:29 PM.

  9. #8
    Wannabebig New Member
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    Run dude ... she is way to much work .

    Find a woman to love without the worlds baggage for you to cart around .
    Give me your broken , give me your beaten ... I will build them up , I will lead them ... to the threshhold . Make you stronger , make you believe .

  10. #9
    Hungry BCC's Avatar
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    It's a tough situation to deal with. I can see it happening with my girlfriend now, she takes zero care of herself and has/is gaining quite a bit of weight as result of it. I don't know where it will end up going. It's a tough thing to bring up without hurting someones' feelings. But personally, as long as the state of mind is intact, that is what should matter.
    Last edited by BigChaseyChase; 11-16-2003 at 01:32 AM.
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  11. #10
    Banned Reinier's Avatar
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    Its extra hard if she has had an ED, that always seems to stick around and show itself again in bad situations. You have to be careful i guess

  12. #11
    Personal Jesus EdgeCrusher's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Brawl
    Run dude ... she is way to much work .

    Find a woman to love without the worlds baggage for you to cart around .
    That strikes me as wrong. If he loves the girl, or even prefers her company more than not having her around, why not deal with her issues? IMO It's not all that hard to lose 30 lbs, at least if you can work with her and get her to be dedicated for a year or so with a rather lax diet plan and workout routine.

    Just stick with her and instead of telling her to go to the gym because you want her too, ask her with the reason "because I like to workout and I want you to come with me" I drag my friends to the gym quite a lot, so I'm sure you can convince your girlfriend when you see her.

  13. #12
    MulletII - AKA Ninja Boner Gyno Rhino's Avatar
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    Sounds to me like you need to get her back to throwing up.

    I'd beat her up a bit. Smack her around and let her know who's boss. Wait until she pigs out on candy or whatever and hit her in the stomach with a baseball bat. Make sure to call her a "pig", "fatty", "fat pig", and "tub o' goo" constantly.

    And if that doesn't work, you could sit down with her and tell her that "dieting" is the wrong way to approach it. She needs to make a lifestyle change. Don't think of it as "dieting" think of it as "eating healthy".

    This happens to alot of chicks with eating disorders. People who have eating disorders have lost a portion of their self-control to an OCD behavior. Often times, the actual act of the eating disorder (the vomiting, or with anorexia the starvation) gets cured while the lack of self-control is still present.

    But again, don't get her to "lose weight". Get her to have a healthy lifestyle, and the pounds will slowly melt away.
    Founding Member and CEO of the FFFA

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  14. #13
    Senior Member DokterVet's Avatar
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    You guys are right that she has basically no self-control.

    But unfortunately taking her to the gym with me would be hard because my gym is at school, an hour away from my house, and an hour and a half away from hers.

    Let's say she did start a routine and a healthy diet, what rate could she expect to lose weight at? Is 1 pound a week reasonable?

  15. #14
    MulletII - AKA Ninja Boner Gyno Rhino's Avatar
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    Like I said, it's all about lifestyle. Instead of her pigging on a bag of Doritos in front of the TV, get her to chomp on some celery while reading a book.

    It's not just her diet that has to change, it is her ENTIRE lifestyle.
    Founding Member and CEO of the FFFA

    "All that matters is beauty on the inside! Outside beauty doesn't matter!"
    ~This is something ugly people say to feel better about themselves...

    "Strength and size don't matter! It's not fair to judge training knowledge based on strength and size!"
    ~This is something wussy people say to feel better about themselves...

    Pearls of Wisdom...


    Resident Ninja Demon (with a pet Radioactive Sloth) and SchlonkeyMaster of WBB!

    Rock is my 'Big Viking Brother', and not in a homo-esque way.

    And no COLON jokes, bastards!

  16. #15
    Wannabebig New Member
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    He's 18 years old ... there are going to be many other women before he gets married . Dont waste good time on this one .
    Give me your broken , give me your beaten ... I will build them up , I will lead them ... to the threshhold . Make you stronger , make you believe .

  17. #16
    Senior of Kinesiology
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    Just talk to her, most problems can be solved by talking.
    Meet PR: 290lb bench press, 505lb dead lift @ 190lbs

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  18. #17
    Bulking Sith Knight Stephen Riddington's Avatar
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    I don't understand why ppl post sarcastic comments when the original poster brings up a subject that is serious and needs some advice.

    Save it for a post that isn't serious.
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  19. #18
    Proud Father Maki Riddington's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Brawl
    He's 18 years old ... there are going to be many other women before he gets married . Dont waste good time on this one .
    *** If you're just joking around, stop it, it's not funny. If you're serious, well.... you'd be better off keeping your pie hole shut.
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    So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
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  20. #19
    Senior of Kinesiology
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    :withstupi

    Why do people have to be immature about serious matters? GROW UP!
    Meet PR: 290lb bench press, 505lb dead lift @ 190lbs

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  21. #20
    zen idiot Scott S's Avatar
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    My girlfriend is kinda the same, only she was never bulimic. She used to be really thin (~100 lbs at 5'3") in high school (she also had a boyfriend who bugged her about her weight ), but in the two years since she came to college she has put on about 30 lbs. She thinks she's ugly and fat now, but no amount of comforting from my end seems to help.

    At least she's taking a weight training class now. I'll show up and work out with her, and she really likes that.
    Last edited by Scott S; 11-16-2003 at 08:28 PM.

  22. #21
    Still Plugging Away -TIM-'s Avatar
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    I'm with the Rino on this one. She's needs a lifestyle change. But as donraja said, you have to want it for yourself.

    I'd say the best way to approach any potential conversation of the subject would be to have all your concerns stem from you wanting her to feel better about herself. Let her know you want her to feel good physically as well has be happy with herself inside and out. Don't let anything you say give her the impression that you want her to exercise so you can be happy with the way she looks. It's a delicate subject anyway you approach it. So be tactful if you do chose to bring it up.
    Best way to cheat on deadlifts...

    Stand there for a few minutes, then pace back and forth a lot, huff and puff, wait until everybody's looking. Approach the bar. Back off. Approach it again. Back off. Get some water. Chalk up. Approach the bar again. Then spray some more chalk around. Wait until people start losing interest. When nobody's looking, pick it a little off the floor, and slam it down. Jump up and yell "LIGHT WEIGHT BABY". Then give high fives all around. - Belial

  23. #22
    Senior Member DokterVet's Avatar
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    Well thanks for your advice guys.

    I talked to her today, and I didn't outright say I wanted her to lose weight, but I asked if she had looked into her local gym at all.

    She said she hadn't checked it out in a while, and that it would be winter soon, and even though it's close to her house, she didn't want to walk through the snow.

    I said I thought it would be good for her.
    And she replied that she agreed, but didn't want to walk through the snow.



    so.... I guess there's my answer. She doesn't want to look any better. I don't think I really have any choice but to end it. If I get the guts to I guess I will this week.

    On an ironic note, she said she had a dream last night that we broke up via email...

  24. #23
    zen idiot Scott S's Avatar
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    How is your relationship otherwise? Perhaps if she sees that you are serious about wanting a woman who takes care of herself, she may get the point.
    Last edited by Paul Stagg; 11-24-2003 at 08:43 AM.

  25. #24
    Senior Member DokterVet's Avatar
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    Our relationship can be really rocky at times, but overall (because we've been through a whole ton of crap together) it's very strong. We've been in love forever it seems, but I'm quite simply dissapointed every time I see her now.
    I just can't keep that up, no matter how much I love her.

    EDIT: One other thing. I'm all she has. She doesn't have any friends or anything. I'm basically the only person her age that she knows. So it's not like she just doesn't care about ME. I guess she just doesn't care about her looking good.
    Last edited by DokterVet; 11-19-2003 at 09:35 PM.

  26. #25
    Still Plugging Away -TIM-'s Avatar
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    That's a tough one DokterVet. If you're going to end it don't do it via email though. But you probably wouldn't do that. If you do I think we'll all hunt you down and punch you in the gut for her. But if you aren't happy with her and you don't see a resolution then ending it would probably be in both of your best interests. It's not wrong to want to be with somebody that's fit or at least healthy. I know that since I've begun lifting my standards for physical things have increased. I don't think I could be with somebody that didn't take care of themselves when that's a big part of my life. I can see how it must eat at you. Hope things turn out though.
    Best way to cheat on deadlifts...

    Stand there for a few minutes, then pace back and forth a lot, huff and puff, wait until everybody's looking. Approach the bar. Back off. Approach it again. Back off. Get some water. Chalk up. Approach the bar again. Then spray some more chalk around. Wait until people start losing interest. When nobody's looking, pick it a little off the floor, and slam it down. Jump up and yell "LIGHT WEIGHT BABY". Then give high fives all around. - Belial

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