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Thread: my dad banned me from weightlifting

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  1. #1
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    my dad banned me from weightlifting

    hi peeps. im new and i wanted to ask you guys what you would do if you were in my position. my dad hates me weightlifting. i never lifted weights seriously in my life but im into wrestling and stuff like that and their physiques always impressed me as a kid so i want to look like them. its been about 9 months now and my dad gets all pissy because he says i look nasty and shiz like that. its funny because im 6 feet and anyone else on the street would tell me im too bony. hell i dont even look like i lift weights and my dad gets all mad because he says im too big now wtf. im japanese and my dad says weightlifting is bad for your health and when you get old you get all wrinkly and your bones get screwed up etc etc. i told him i read a lot of articles that say weightlifting is good for you but he said they just say that because they want money from you and they want you to lift. so i said the articles are from doctors who have no affiliation with weightlifting companies and the only money they get is from the article they submitted. and he says its bull**** and he says don't listen to american doctors because im japanese, and japanese people are different. they need vegetables, not meat like americans. he says japanese people's bodies are made differently from others and that if we weightlift we die faster. so i told him i dont care if i die faster. then he started bitchin about a completely different subject on how stupid i think etc etc yada yada but thats another story.

    anyway i currently sneak in protein and meat into my room so he doesnt know im eating food that helps you grow muscles. if he found out he'd probably throw me out of his house. oh yeah, im 22 and i live in my dad's house and go to a community college. i help him with his work 3 times a week. i go to the gym when my dads not home. if he's home i lie im going to the book store or library. i know this crap was long sorry. i just want to know what you would personally do. i asked one of my friends and he said just dont lift weights until i move out but im probably not moving out for another few years and i love weightlifting. i seriously want to get big fast. i cant hold it off any longer. i want people to think im tough for once and not the boney weak ass. i want to look like the wrestlers i see on tv and stuff. i know this is really immature but ah hell i sound like an idiot. just tell me what you would personally do.

  2. #2
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    WOW thats absurd...........thats all i can say. You must somehow make your father realize the benefits of working out. If not do it behind his back. Just wear baggy clothes or something and dont let him see you becoming a monster
    Last edited by large_lifter; 04-29-2004 at 09:08 PM.

  3. #3
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    Shouldn't parents encourage a healthy regime, especially with all the fattys out there that look like girly-men? Flab is not fab. Do push-ups and the sort until you can figure something out.. or workout at a public gym or something. Find a way brother. Find a way.

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    Wow, I feel bad man,
    Like stated above, I would call someone if that happens again.

    Maybe it could be a fear of being alone type of thing, or he needs your support and is afraid that once you move out you will have nothing to do with the family. (You stated it happened twice, once you or your sister tried moving out?)
    Last edited by AllUp; 04-30-2004 at 09:39 AM.
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    Toughest Man in the World Bruise Brubaker's Avatar
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    Your father seems close minded and racist. Sorry I don't know how to help you, it seems he wont argue with you, he just says what he thinks. Is he vegetarian?

    It seems he wants to discourage you from weightlifting without telling his true reasons.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Spartacus's Avatar
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    no offense but your dad isn't very bright or or a very good person if he doesn't care what you want or look at actual data instead of his biases and preconceptions.

    i guess you have to decide if you can convince him and if he cares to listen and if not how you can balance your goals and your relationship with him.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Ebu's Avatar
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    We have to understand, his father probably comes from a completely different backgroud, were our meat eating weight lifting lifestyle is looked down upon. For example, in the US, male circumsision is a normal practice, but is COMPLETELY unecessary. But we have all these activists going against FEMALE genital mutilation in other countries, when that is part of their religion. We are just as brutal doing it to males as they are to females. Both things are uneccessary. So, his dad probably has good reasons why he thinks the way he thinks, we just don't see it his way.

    As for what to do, I am going to assume you live in america. If so, mention that YOU LIVE IN AMERICA. A completely different culture, and your growing up in it, unlike him. He moved you here, so, hes going to have to deal with it I guess. (sorry, im assuming a lot here, you just didnt give us details like im thinking into.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ebu
    We have to understand, his father probably comes from a completely different backgroud, were our meat eating weight lifting lifestyle is looked down upon. For example, in the US, male circumsision is a normal practice, but is COMPLETELY unecessary. But we have all these activists going against FEMALE genital mutilation in other countries, when that is part of their religion. We are just as brutal doing it to males as they are to females. Both things are uneccessary. So, his dad probably has good reasons why he thinks the way he thinks, we just don't see it his way.

    As for what to do, I am going to assume you live in america. If so, mention that YOU LIVE IN AMERICA. A completely different culture, and your growing up in it, unlike him. He moved you here, so, hes going to have to deal with it I guess. (sorry, im assuming a lot here, you just didnt give us details like im thinking into.)

    It's called cultural relativism.

    As far as male circumsision, that's def. debatable, but not today.

  9. #9
    back at it Beast's Avatar
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    Not to be insulting, but your dad is incredibly ignorant. Everything he has told you is incorrect. Has he had a bad experience with weightlifting?

    Show him these published articles, which all explain the benefits of weight training:

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=12831709

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=12584037

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...t_uids=9744984

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=15107011

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=14770099

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=14552938

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=12474025

    Hundreds more can be found at http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beast
    Not to be insulting, but your dad is incredibly ignorant. Everything he has told you is incorrect. Has he had a bad experience with weightlifting?

    Show him these published articles, which all explain the benefits of weight training:

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=12831709

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=12584037

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...t_uids=9744984

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=15107011

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=14770099

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=14552938

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q..._uids=12474025

    Hundreds more can be found at http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.
    thanks a lot for taking the time to post these links. if i ever need to, i'll show him these though i doubt it'll make any difference.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Spartacus's Avatar
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    you can be a bodybuilder without eating lots of meat, even if it isn't easy. and veggies are a part of the diet.

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    With all due respect, you are 22 years old. Old enough to move out and live on your own. If you don't like your dad's rules don't live under his roof. I agree that your dad is misguided in his beliefs about your lifestyle but it is his house. You have every right to try and convince him that working out and eating a diet high in protein is a good thing but if he is unwilling to bend you have a choice to make. Continue to live in your fathers home and follow his rules or move out and make your own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gopher
    With all due respect, you are 22 years old. Old enough to move out and live on your own. If you don't like your dad's rules don't live under his roof. I agree that your dad is misguided in his beliefs about your lifestyle but it is his house. You have every right to try and convince him that working out and eating a diet high in protein is a good thing but if he is unwilling to bend you have a choice to make. Continue to live in your fathers home and follow his rules or move out and make your own.
    oh man i wish it was as easy as that. i wish he wouldnt care if i just moved out, which one of my friends has begged me to do so we can start up an internet company together in canada. its really complicated on why i cant just up and leave this house and you wouldnt appreciate it if you listened to how cuckoo my dad is.

    also, i used to have a part time job at a videostore. i worked for 4 months and my dad forced me to quit because he said i should concentrate 100% on school. no tv. no friends. no nada. just school... and helping him at his work.

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    Senior Member donraja's Avatar
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    This reminds me of my father... the conversation went like this:

    Me: "okay, im off to the gym.. bye"
    Dad: "why do you go to the gym so much?"
    Me: "to workout...?"
    Dad: "WHY?"
    Me: "to get bigger..."
    Dad: "why you want to get bigger? you'll look ridiculous. you're fine how you are now"
    Me: "i jus wanna gain some more weight"
    Dad: "the whole world is trying to lose weight why the hell are u tryin to gain weight!!? You should do something else with ur life, not go to the gym gym gym! When you're 40 and you need to go to the gym then you wont want to! Why dont you do something else like sing or learn to play guitar!!?

    ME: *WALKED OUT*

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    Quote Originally Posted by donraja
    This reminds me of my father... the conversation went like this:

    Me: "okay, im off to the gym.. bye"
    Dad: "why do you go to the gym so much?"
    Me: "to workout...?"
    Dad: "WHY?"
    Me: "to get bigger..."
    Dad: "why you want to get bigger? you'll look ridiculous. you're fine how you are now"
    Me: "i jus wanna gain some more weight"
    Dad: "the whole world is trying to lose weight why the hell are u tryin to gain weight!!? You should do something else with ur life, not go to the gym gym gym! When you're 40 and you need to go to the gym then you wont want to! Why dont you do something else like sing or learn to play guitar!!?

    ME: *WALKED OUT*
    same thing used to happen to me before he banned me from lifting weights. just that he didn't know i was going to lift weights. he just asked me why im trying to gain "fat" when everyone's trying to lose it. i said, "it's not fat." he says it is. i tell him muscles are like five times heavier than fat and he gets more defensive and says that the heavier you are, the more dumb you look. then he went on to say that you dont look professional if you weigh too much and that people think you're stupid and if you're a businessman, nobody will listen to you etc etc. he doesnt even tell me to play the guitar. he says to go study. funny thing is, my dad played the guitar all through his teen years and through the majority of his life. so you'd think he'd want me to play the guitar, right? no. he said playing the guitar wasted too much of his life. i know this because i wanted to learn to play the guitar when i was 16. he said no because i'll get addicted like he did and never study. i tell him i'll try to control this "addiction" but he says i'm his son and that it happened to him, and therefore it'll happen to me.

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    Senior Member Spartacus's Avatar
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    do you live in japan? i thought young people usually don't move out until they are married becuase of the very hight rents. [/end uniformed sterotype]

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacus
    do you live in japan? i thought young people usually don't move out until they are married becuase of the very hight rents. [/end uniformed sterotype]
    no im in america. hence i want to fit in for once and gain some respect from my peers by looking tough. i know this sounds really immature but being from japan, not many people other than japanese dudes want to be my friend.

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    Quote Originally Posted by urbluff
    no im in america. hence i want to fit in for once and gain some respect from my peers by looking tough. i know this sounds really immature but being from japan, not many people other than japanese dudes want to be my friend.

    this is just a guess, but maybe your dad is concerned that you carry on some of the social custums from japan, and is worried you are too "americanized." perhaps if you make sure he sees that you respect where he is coming from and his traditions he'll be more opne to your interests.

  19. #19
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    Move out and get your own place.

    Perhaps your dad got picked on when he was younger by big buff guys.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint Patrick
    Move out and get your own place.

    Perhaps your dad got picked on when he was younger by big buff guys.
    i dont know about that, but my mom told me before she married my dad, he was a big player and he hated school. you'd think someone like that would have a sense of empathy for the youth.

    also my dad was in the army. he always boasts about how its so tough in the army and that i have it so easy. then i tell him about how easy some of my friends have it and then he tells me not to compare lifestyles, which is exactly what he did with his army talk. before i started seriously lifting weights, i used to tell him i want to lift weights. he would be okay with it. in fact, he showed off to me that when he was in the army he worked his butt off and was one of the most muscular guys in town. his lifestyle is full of contradictions.

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    Come on dude STOP trying to convince your father of anything!!!! you are 22 you should know by now what the rest of the world knows... that you CAN NOT change what your parents think. So stop antagonizing him..... if you don't believe me, 10 years later stop by this forum and tell me how he stills thinks that same way....

    I think you do a lot of arguing with your father and we all know that has never get us anywhere.. so stop it...

    Now if you want to fit in American... then do and behave like everyone else.... if you parents don't like something you do.... what does the average American kid do? .......... you hide it from THEM ( I am not making a moral call just stating the facts)

    You father has the right to think whatever the heck he wants, and if you live in his house then you ought to do what he says .. period ...

    if you don't like it again.... do what the average American kid does ...MOVE OUT... it can’t be that tough. I moved out when I was 18 without a penny on my name, and I did just fine...

    you say you want "gain some respect from my peers by looking tough" that is not going to happen by you lifting weights, there are better reasons do lift than that.

    looking tough may make you feared ( which is minimized by the fact that anyone can sue your ass if you put a hand on them ) but respect ...not going to happen.


    So get your goals straight, an immigrant live is tough, I know it. Want to get respect behave maturely. want to fit in, behave like the average person. want to get friends... then get out of your mind that looking though will fulfill your lack of self confidence ( I am not dishing you, I find myself thinking about this sometimes). Rather be yourself, smile a lot and be nice.....

    Do not want to follow your fathers wishes, be discrete ( we all have do it ) and don't give him hassle ... this will make your life more enjoyable

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by wleon
    Come on dude STOP trying to convince your father of anything!!!! you are 22 you should know by now what the rest of the world knows... that you CAN NOT change what your parents think. So stop antagonizing him..... if you don't believe me, 10 years later stop by this forum and tell me how he stills thinks that same way....

    I think you do a lot of arguing with your father and we all know that has never get us anywhere.. so stop it...

    Now if you want to fit in American... then do and behave like everyone else.... if you parents don't like something you do.... what does the average American kid do? .......... you hide it from THEM ( I am not making a moral call just stating the facts)

    You father has the right to think whatever the heck he wants, and if you live in his house then you ought to do what he says .. period ...

    if you don't like it again.... do what the average American kid does ...MOVE OUT... it can’t be that tough. I moved out when I was 18 without a penny on my name, and I did just fine...

    you say you want "gain some respect from my peers by looking tough" that is not going to happen by you lifting weights, there are better reasons do lift than that.

    looking tough may make you feared ( which is minimized by the fact that anyone can sue your ass if you put a hand on them ) but respect ...not going to happen.


    So get your goals straight, an immigrant live is tough, I know it. Want to get respect behave maturely. want to fit in, behave like the average person. want to get friends... then get out of your mind that looking though will fulfill your lack of self confidence ( I am not dishing you, I find myself thinking about this sometimes). Rather be yourself, smile a lot and be nice.....

    Do not want to follow your fathers wishes, be discrete ( we all have do it ) and don't give him hassle ... this will make your life more enjoyable
    i know. i came out like an idiot. sorry.

    as for moving out, i told you its more complicated. many people don't understand when i say that and they continue to push the fact that i can't support myself. so here, i'll say it. i could move out anytime i want, but my dad will probably kill my mom because he'll blame her for raising me this way and then if he doesn't track me down and kill me even with a warrant on him, then he'll probably kill himself. twice, he held a shotgun and threatened to kill everyone - once when my sister said she was moving out and once when i said i was moving out. anyway, i knew i was gong to sound like a jackass when i posted this but i did anyway and im an idiot for it. i apologize and thank everyone for their solutions. now i'll leave you be.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by urbluff
    i know. i came out like an idiot. sorry.

    as for moving out, i told you its more complicated. many people don't understand when i say that and they continue to push the fact that i can't support myself. so here, i'll say it. i could move out anytime i want, but my dad will probably kill my mom because he'll blame her for raising me this way and then if he doesn't track me down and kill me even with a warrant on him, then he'll probably kill himself. twice, he held a shotgun and threatened to kill everyone - once when my sister said she was moving out and once when i said i was moving out. anyway, i knew i was gong to sound like a jackass when i posted this but i did anyway and im an idiot for it. i apologize and thank everyone for their solutions. now i'll leave you be.
    Umm, report him to the cops.. Don't take that crap from him..
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  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by urbluff
    twice, he held a shotgun and threatened to kill everyone - once when my sister said she was moving out and once when i said i was moving out.
    You do not sound like an idiot, you just sound like need some help, so we are giving it to your ....

    now i think you have more problems that lifting bro, you father has some real issues, what you stated is not light, treatening your family with a gun is not a joke, and you all should not take that stuff from him, or one of this days you all are going ot get kill.. and you won't have the excuse that you did not know this was comming, someone pulls a gun on you, you call the police and get your family away.....

    I feel for you, I also come from a family in which my father turn out very violent 3 years after I moved out. he was having problems with my mother and he will get violent and start treatening everybody, even pulling a knife to my youngest sister (10 years at the time) ..... DUDE I went crazy, when I found out, I knew it will not stop until I did something really drastic, I was pissed and scare that he wil do something to them, anywise I called him, and with my voice trembling in anger, I sweared to him that if he ever put a hand ... even a hand on my mother or my sisters, I would spend the rest of my life tracking him down, hunting down, and I will dispense my own justice on him, and he will be sorry to ever be born. Tought stuff to say to your own father and I was like 21, ( oh and I was like 5.6, weighted 140 pounds, so I was a tiny guy) but I was ready to carry out my threat and I made sure he knew that I was not just saying but in in truth if he hurt my familly I would attack him inmediately, or worst..

    To say the lest it was the last time he even did any violent thing against my family, my parents parted ways eventually and now my sisters sees my father ( by their own choice) on weekends and everything is cool, I even talk to my father every once in a while , but he knows and I know that I am watching him, and that I won't hassiate to defent my familly.

    He also used to say he is going to kill himself, when I talked to him, I told him to go ahead and do it right there, or stop the bull****... and believe me I was not joking.

    your father is a bully, he bullys your familly, like any other bully, if one person stands up to them they ran for cover.

    My advice, get a job start making some decent money, next time something like this happens, lay down the law, call the police, and be prepare to stand up to your father, ( I would never tell you to stand up to your father for lifting) but to stop the abuse to your familly .. in a heart beat

    good luck man ... take it easy ..do things the right way with maturity and morality and it only gets better
    Last edited by wleon; 04-30-2004 at 08:35 AM.

  25. #25
    As I Am Paul Stagg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by urbluff
    i know. i came out like an idiot. sorry.

    as for moving out, i told you its more complicated. many people don't understand when i say that and they continue to push the fact that i can't support myself. so here, i'll say it. i could move out anytime i want, but my dad will probably kill my mom because he'll blame her for raising me this way and then if he doesn't track me down and kill me even with a warrant on him, then he'll probably kill himself. twice, he held a shotgun and threatened to kill everyone - once when my sister said she was moving out and once when i said i was moving out. anyway, i knew i was gong to sound like a jackass when i posted this but i did anyway and im an idiot for it. i apologize and thank everyone for their solutions. now i'll leave you be.
    You are not responsible for his actions.

    Get out now.

    If he threatens you, call the cops.
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