I'm new here. And love this forum. Been lurking for a while. I have been exercising for some time (walking 5 mph, exercising on a schwinn airdyne). Although, I did go on an 8 year hiatus. I use to be an aerobic instructor and also did some weight training for 11 years. About 9 years ago just walked away from everything.
About two weeks ago I joined a gym. I have been going on M/W/F and either Saturday or Sunday. (It was depressing...only because I'm not strong like I use to be...wonder why...lol) Anyway I want to start taking things serious again. The workout won't be a problem. I am usually easily motivated to work out. My problem is my diet. My eating SUCKS!!!! Let me tell you why. I have an eating disorder and have had for 23 years..long time huh. Bulimia with bouts of anorexia. I am so motivated to work out but can't seem to be motivated enough to eat healthy so my workouts can improve. I will never gain any strength or muscle the way I have been eating.
Last week I met with a RD and she is going to work on a meal plan for me. Five meals p/day. Ok. I think I can handle that... She is going to set it up on a 2000 p/day intake. Is this too much? I am 5'8" and weigh 120 lbs. Up from 112 two months ago. I think I could be okay with a weight gain if I knew it was muscle mass. Not fat (which is what my recent 8 lb gain is).
Another question....has anyone here recovered from an eating disorder. If so what was your motivation.. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist (I am also major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder) I am currently on medication that seem to have that aspect under control. I just can't get a handle on the eating. Well I have rambled long enough and probably told you all more than you wanted to know, but I could sure use your input.
"We shall never succeed in knowing ourselves
unless we seek to know God."
**St. Teresa of Avila**
Oh hon...I know what you're going through. I've been there before! However, it's been about 3 years now that I've been at a healthy weight...believe me, it was a hard, hard road too! I guess my best motivation was seeing what it did to the rest of my family. I also changed the setting I was in...which helped to get away from the bad ("weird") eating habits I had.
I was 18 and 90lbs at 5'7'' at my lowest weight and very very low bf...I'm now 23 and at 130lbs (wow...I know) and haven't the slightest clue what my body fat is. At times I'm scared to think about it. I think it's something I'll always have to live with (the incestant thoughts about food and weight gain) but I have a strong support system through my boyfriend and parents. I have to admit, my counselor at the time (who had dealt with this herself in the past) was the one key for me. Everyone could tell me to eat eat eat and quit cutting my food into small bites, etc....but until I found the right counselor, it never came together. Most of the time I 'wanted' to gain weight and felt that I did look wayyy too thin, but to think about having fat on me was also disgusting. Weird how the brain works, huh?!
Please let me know if you have any more questions...I'd love to talk to you about it if you need to!