Does anyone else here suffer from low self esteem? It's kind of embarassing to post but I have absolutely no self esteem. I constantly wish I was different, had a different life etc etc. I certainly don't have things bad except a lack of social skills. I make up excuses for that all the time. Things like Oh, I'd go talk to her if I was bigger.
Does anyone know what can be done to help these problems? I feel stupid posting this so please reply with serious responses.
I think we all get them at one point or another. I had them when I was youger. Now, I dont worry about things anymore. Life is too short and things will happen no matter how much you stress about them or not.
There are people way worse off then you are and they have a positive image. Sometimes you have to stand back and say "f*** it".
I think highly of myself, but at the same time, I'm introverted and lack social prowess.
Example: I was eating breakfast at Denny's this morning, and the waitress was cute, and I kept thinking to myself "ask her out, stupid", but every time she came to my table I chickened out.
Weight: Not Big Enough
“Take things as they are. Punch when you have to punch. Kick when you have to kick.” — Bruce Lee
I too, have low self esteem. Its wierd, considering how i was part of the more popular group in high school, one would have thought that i would end up with higher self esteem. I wish that was the case, but unfortunately it is not. I have self-diagnosed my low self-esteem and have concluded that it comes with growing up with no father and living with no finaical security. On a grander scale, i think it just stems from having a lack of trust in soceity in general, thus not allowing me to feel secure. As a result, i have developed a habit of chewing anything that i can get my mouth on. I will have a nervous breakdown if i cant chew on something, whether it be my nails, gum, food, etc. I dont know if that made sense.
But realizing that i have low self esteem sometimes pushes me to sovle the problem. For example, if i see a girl, i normally wouldnt approach ther. However, something will click in my mind and say that i cannot live out a successful life without having confidence in my self, as i i believe it is an attribute shared by all business men. Anyways, i will make it bigger then the entire situation really is, blow it out of proportion if you will (ie how are you supposed to survie in the real world if you cant even talk to someone of the opposite sex?!??!), and eventually muster up enough courage to go talk to them.
Originally Posted by kozen
another thing i have noticed is the constant use of the phrase "I dont know". I always doubt myself and my choices. I think to much sometimes. I used the phrase I dont know in that paragraph right there
I know what you mean. I doubt myself so much that even my parents noticed it.
For example I just recently bought a Yamaha r6 crotchrocket. In doing so I had to sell my dirtbike. Within 2 days of selling my dirtbike and getting my streetbike, I was regretting my choice and wanted to change back. A few days later a cute girl commented on my bike and now I was glad that I had the sportbike. A few days after that I had a close call on the road and wanted my dirtbike back. I also constantly pick my bike apart and want a newer better one even though mine is still a very good bike.
That might not seem like too much but it is just an example of some of the strange things that go through my head.
My brother says that I should just goto a beach in a town where I won't know a single person and just approach every girl there who I think is cute and don't stop until I get a few numbers. I'd love to give it a try but I'm scared to do it haha.
I am of the belief that the majority of people suffer from low self esteem to one extent or another. People just deal with it/mask it differently.
"Life is all the pain we endeavor.."
coleman i think your brother is right
part of the problem might be lack of experience in talking to strangers.. i myself for some reason dont really mind talking to strangers, so its not much of a step to askin strangers (girls) out- i think you should definatley try ur bro's idea, worst case scenario u dont get any numbers but u still tried, thats the worst possible scenario- go for it.
i think that once you get one girl's number, you'll see that its no big deal and you'll b the pimp slappin, ho mackin ladies man that we all kno u are inside.
6'0 - 176lb
Originally Posted by bodyOriginally Posted by kevinstarke
I defanitly see where you're coming from. I also lack social skills. Like I usually wont go out of my way to introduce myself to someone I don't already know, almost always the other person is the one initating the conversation. I think everyone at somepoint wishes they were different. For example, I constantly wish I could have 23 inch arms :X... but that doesn't look like it's going to be happening for maybe another 10 or 13 years.Originally Posted by Coleman
You pretty much have to be motivated. Nothing we can say will make you approach anyone. I used to be painfully shy, then I realized that looking stupid in front of people wouldn't be as bad as doing nothing. My life's been better ever since.Originally Posted by Coleman
Well part of it has to stem from the messages the media sends us. In a sense, i believe girls are less secure then guys because they have to be xx pounds to be considered pretty, or have a hip to waist ratio of xx to be considered sexy. That is not to say that guys are exempt, or even more resistant to the images produced in society, as evidenced by the increased amount of eating disorders amoung men (which i assume take place as drastic (and misguided) attempts to achieve that look they want).
Well, when you look at it, you are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. So am I.Originally Posted by kozen
I think eating disorders come about more because diet (specifically the power not to eat) is the only thing the person feels they have control over.
It comes down to doing the things you want to do in life and setting goals for yourself so that you are proud of who you are.
As for the social skills part, figure out what kind of person you are, and who you want yourself to be and be that person. If you deep down think you are cool and a good person, and love yourself for who you are everything will come together. When it comes to meeting girls etc.... you are just shy. Talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to, for instance anybody at the bus stop etc... just to get used to being more interactive.
What is this grander scheme you speak of? I am agnostic, so i dont really believe in a holy revolution of any sort.Originally Posted by Scott S
Images of what a "handsome" guy shoud look like have been proliferated through society via entertainment. Generally speaking, most people have the same idea of what is physically attractive (muscles vs fat, strong cheek bone). There is no question that there is a strong correlation between eating disorders- we as humans are an imitative, and naturally conforming animal. We wish to be like everyone else (even if some of us deny it). We form images of what the majority of good looking people look like, and attempt to achieve that. However, many are misguided and choose to adapt eating habits which they honestly feel will help them achieve the results they are looking for.
A counter example to your explanation of eating disorders being the only thing people control over is the increasing number of anorexia, beliumic, etc cases over the past years. I seriously doubt it was a major problem among young teenagers a few decades ago.
There have been studies going on that are attempting to diagnose eating disorders that wouldnt be considered disorders in our eyes. Some people CANNOT psychologically digest a cheat meal. They would go insane. Im not talking about the pro body builders either, im talking about the average joe attempting to achieve the Calvin Klein underwear model physique. I think a bit of this paranoia if you will call it, is evident (not to the degree that it is dangerous) in some of the posts in the diet section. Im specifically referring to the minute number of posts where the questions are somewhat ridiculous (ie how will i ever cope, i just had a cheat meal and now im going to be fat for eternity).
Coleman it sucks but it can be a good thing . I used low self esteem as a motivating factor for me . It really consumed all my thought when I was young . I got tired of it and started working out . I was skinny but wasnt really into weights so I started boxing so I could handle myself then I wrestled a little bit . After high school I started lifting and went from 140 lbs to about 225lbs . My body looked good and felt good but I'm still not the best looking guy in the face . I learned to accept it and found a nitch with talking to girls (which was hard as hell).
Like what SP wrote about the waitress , I wouldnt ever ask them out so I started using the chicken way out . I would just be cool , funny and friendly but act like I didnt care . I would just say something like " whats up girl ? if you ever want to hang out and drink a beer or something give me a call " . Then I'd walk away like I was really indifferent to it .
The thing is use, your low self esteem to focus your energies and get stronger . I mean stronger in whatever you want . School , lifting , sports what ever . Good luck stud .
Give me your broken , give me your beaten ... I will build them up , I will lead them ... to the threshhold . Make you stronger , make you believe .
What? A thread on low self-esteem without teh _-_v_-_?
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Its called "self" esteem for a reason. Its all you baby!! You set the bar, so set it ****ing high man. Love yourself. Flex in the mirror, smile, wink, kiss the damn thing!! Ok, that MAY be a lil narcissistic but... Know that you are going to be YOU no matter what, and make yourself the best "you" possible. If you dont like you, too damn bad. Youre stuck with it, so you better come around and start to like it. Embrace your differences, dont be ashamed of them. Its the differences that make people unique and interesting. Work on your personality, your sense of humor, your conversation, thats what most chicks REALLY like anyway. Ever wonder how a smokin hot babe can be with a ugly ass dude? Ok, sometimes the guy is rich But sometimes he isnt, he just knows how to talk... Next time you see a hot latin girl with a short indian and wonder how he got her, just ask him, cause its probably me
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cumming, AC/DC, serious bodybuilding, and progress with women will help self esteem.
you want to be the lion cub that grows up into a strong lion, king of the savannah, or the cub that dies because he didnt fight hard enough for his food and milk.
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That's flowery language for "the universe is big; nothing you do will be remembered, etc"Originally Posted by kozen
Said images come from advertising agencies run by fat women and gay men. Ripped, athletic men don't appeal to all women.Images of what a "handsome" guy shoud look like have been proliferated through society via entertainment. Generally speaking, most people have the same idea of what is physically attractive (muscles vs fat, strong cheek bone). There is no question that there is a strong correlation between eating disorders- we as humans are an imitative, and naturally conforming animal. We wish to be like everyone else (even if some of us deny it). We form images of what the majority of good looking people look like, and attempt to achieve that. However, many are misguided and choose to adapt eating habits which they honestly feel will help them achieve the results they are looking for.
Perhaps. Maybe people are just shallower. I dunno.A counter example to your explanation of eating disorders being the only thing people control over is the increasing number of anorexia, beliumic, etc cases over the past years. I seriously doubt it was a major problem among young teenagers a few decades ago.
I really don't know about them either. If you lift weights, eat 1g/lb protein, get your EFAs and vitamins, you're 90% of the way there. The rest is a trifle.There have been studies going on that are attempting to diagnose eating disorders that wouldnt be considered disorders in our eyes. Some people CANNOT psychologically digest a cheat meal. They would go insane. Im not talking about the pro body builders either, im talking about the average joe attempting to achieve the Calvin Klein underwear model physique. I think a bit of this paranoia if you will call it, is evident (not to the degree that it is dangerous) in some of the posts in the diet section. Im specifically referring to the minute number of posts where the questions are somewhat ridiculous (ie how will i ever cope, i just had a cheat meal and now im going to be fat for eternity).