The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
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The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Its no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
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  1. #1
    Senior Member howsertrading's Avatar
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    more binladin fun

    http://www.madblast.com/oska/humor_bin.swf

    and

    Apparently true court testimonies ...


    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your
    memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
    you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the
    voodoo or occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and
    blue lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
    to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy.

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began theautopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising
    law somewhere.

    Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
    A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

    LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
    WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
    LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
    WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
    LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
    WITNESS: No.

    LAWYER: So, after the anaesthetic, when you came out of it, what
    did you observe with respect to your scalp?
    WITNESS: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the
    hospital.
    LAWYER: It was covered?
    WITNESS: Yes. Bandaged.
    LAWYER: Then, later on, what did you see?
    WITNESS: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were
    removed and put on top of my head.

    CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..."
    WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God."
    CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
    WITNESS: That's right.
    CLERK: Repeat it.
    WITNESS: "Repeat it".
    CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
    WITNESS: What you said when?
    CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
    WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give."
    CLERK: "Shall be the truth and..."
    WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
    CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
    WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.....
    CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be
    the truth and..."
    WITNESS: "I'm a plumber....Shall be the truth and."
    CLERK: Say: "Nothing...".
    WITNESS: Okay. (Witness remains silent.)
    CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say:"Nothing but the truth..."
    WITNESS: Yes.
    CLERK: Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    CLERK: Well? Do so.
    WITNESS: You're confusing me.
    CLERK: Just say: "Nothing but the truth...".
    CLERK: Yes.
    WITNESS: Okay. I understand.
    CLERK: Then say it.
    WITNESS: What?
    CLERK: "Nothing but the truth..."
    WITNESS: But I do! That's just it.
    CLERK: You must say: "Nothing but the truth..."
    WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
    CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But",
    "The","Truth".
    WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now?
    CLERK: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
    WITNESS: "Nothing. But. The. Truth."
    CLERK: Thank you.
    WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar....I'm a plumber, see.

    LAWYER: On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the
    farmhouse down the footpath to the cowshed?
    WITNESS: I did.
    LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the
    duck pond?
    WITNESS: I did.
    LAWYER: And did you observe anything?
    WITNESS: I did. (Witness remains silent.)
    LAWYER: Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?
    WITNESS: I saw George.
    LAWYER: You saw George *******, the defendant in this case?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    LAWYER: Can you tell the Court what George ******* was doing?
    WITNESS: Yes. (Witness remains silent.)
    LAWYER: Well, would you kindly do so?
    WITNESS: He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks.
    LAWYER: His "thing"?
    WITNESS: You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his penis.
    LAWYER: You passed close by the duck pond, the light was good,
    you were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw this
    clearly?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    LAWYER: Did you say anything to him?
    WITNESS: Of course I did!
    LAWYER: What did you say to him?
    WITNESS: "Morning, George

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  3. #2
    is no more. Orange357's Avatar
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    ROTFLMAO!
    ...watch me reap of what I sow....

    and BOOM goes the dynomite!

  4. #3
    Soon to be lean... Joe Black's Avatar
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    lmao at George Bush playing the drums in that movie lol
    http://www.wannabebig.com/logo/alnlogo_black.gif

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  5. #4
    Tuna Freak Frankster's Avatar
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    :evillaugh
    Eat Tuna!
    "Ya don't touch my tuna, I don't kill you."- by Tuna Master
    "Part of getting what you want is knowing what you have to give up." - by who knows. ME? Eat Tuna!
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  6. #5
    Senior Member Hot Shot's Avatar
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    upper chest freak

  7. #6
    Canadian Juggalo Twiztid's Avatar
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    Ontario, Canada
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    Re: more binladin fun

    Originally posted by howsertrading
    [Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.
    Ummm, correct me if I am wrong.. but wasn't that a peice of dialouge from the Movie "Labryinth"??

    I have it, but I am not gonna put it in and try to find it.. lol
    Stay Down With The

    Runnin' with the Hatchet.. like WHUT?!?

  8. #7
    Canadian Juggalo Twiztid's Avatar
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    btw, that flash movie was fukin hilarious!
    Stay Down With The

    Runnin' with the Hatchet.. like WHUT?!?

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