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Thread: How people react to you working out - other point of view

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    Bad Monkey! Nights's Avatar
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    How people react to you working out - other point of view

    Not sure if this is allow (cutting and pasting from another forums thread), so if it's not, mods feel free to delete.

    Read this on t-mag, in reply to a lady asking about how friends, family and significant others support other women who workout in compete

    -----------------------------------------

    I have been completely unsupportive of my past girlfriends who had rigid, disciplined fitness regimens. It's not so much that I don't like them having such a regimen, as the attitude they tend to get around it.

    I am not by any means saying everyone does these things, but here's a basic checklist of why I didn't particularly care for their various commitments to health and fitness.

    1. Don't make me eat what you eat. This is YOUR diet, not mine, and if I want a pizza your diet shouldn't have any say in the matter.

    2. Don't criticise what I eat. I'm not ignorant; I don't need anyone to tell me a breakfast of Twinkies and beer is unhealthy.

    3. Don't try to talk me into working out. If I want to, I will. If I don't, leave me alone.

    4. Don't invite me to your gym. If I'm not exercising regularly, you're almost certainly stronger than me, and I don't want to advertise that in public.

    5. Don't try to talk me out of my bad habits. I will quit smoking, drinking, and whatever else you dislike when I am good and ready.

    6. Most importantly, drop the attitude that your workouts make you "better" than other people. Even if you never say it to me, I know what I look like. So if you're pointing at someone skinnier than I am and making rude comments about his nasty fat blubber-butt and complete lack of willpower... I can do the math.

    It's not helpful to do these things, anyway, because it inevitably turns the relationship (romantic or otherwise) into a competition. As long as I stay out of shape, I win. This is counterproductive.

    Again, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, and there are certainly people out there who just get petty about women working out and don't really have or need a reason. But, by and large, this sort of behavior is the major problem *I* have with most health-conscious women. If this is a pretty good description of how you treat the "unsupportive" people in your life, maybe you could think about it a little.



    ---------------------------

    Anyways, crazy and some angry responses were made in return to it, and some supportive ones. I understand the sentiment. When I didn't workout, I hated people who would do that to me. Not girlfriends, but anyone that decided to lose weight and starting looking at me funny if I was even touching a piece of pizza telling me how bad it was (this was when I was like 5'10 and 150 pounds too.. flabby skinny kid) for me. Also people trying to get me into working out by the whole degrading style of thought.

    I've always been.. not uncaring.. but not unsupportive or looking down at the people in my life who don't work out. Even during my cutting time, I didn't care if roomies had pizza and pop when I was eating a plain chicken breast. Parents were worried for a bit about me, we talked. They understood. Brother starting training with me not long afterwards (not because I talked him into it. Didn't try one way or another. Maybe results on my part, or just brother bonding thing, I don't know. Maybe he just needed someone to workout with) and parents started not longer afterwards. First father, who'd gone from manual labor to a management position.. and then afterwards mother to a degree. I gave advice when asked, not preaching..

    So, I suppose I agree with him to a degree. If you expect someone to be supportive of you working out, be supportive of them not working out. Girlfriend is trying to gain weight right now (beautiful girl as is, but underweight for her height, so she decide to do it for health reasons). I invited her to the gym with me so she could gain healthy like. She turned me down. I accepted that.

    Anyone have any other comments for or against? Just seeing how people on this forum would react to it.
    Last edited by Nights; 08-22-2004 at 07:28 PM.
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    Banned edge-man's Avatar
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    A toughy... I think the intentions of these girls are good, but there is a fine line between showing that you care for your partner and belittling (sp?) them. On my lunch break, there are people that eat a Macdonalds EVERY DAY, but it is convenient for them. I was talking to one of these people about eating something else, I think he understood, but the next day he ate a nice baguette and.......... 5 doughnuts. I haven't said anything since, it's not worth getting on your friends' tats, it's their life.

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    MulletII - AKA Ninja Boner Gyno Rhino's Avatar
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    If you decide to take care of yourself, that's your business. If you do, don't make life hell for everyone else by being an elitist snob - just as they shouldn't do the same to you by poking at your diet/training.
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    Steak and Eggs pusher's Avatar
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    This guy sounds like a total girly man, if someone says these things to you kindly, its an act of motivation to better yourself, he really sounds pissed off at himself for having no self control or will power, people don't like to be reminded of that.

    Anyways, I've never heard of a man who listens to their gf/wife that much
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    Ash "Money" Hegde Y2A's Avatar
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    There's snobs of all sorts all over the place. Those in great shape (look what he's eating!), those who are great looking (lol, check out THAT hairstyle), rich people (how could anyone drive that car?), smart people (how could he NOT KNOW THAT?!)... everyone has different wants and goals, not EVERYONE needs to eat healthy and work out if they dont want to. So STFU unless someone asks your advice/opinion.

    The exception I make to that is when a fat person is constantly bitching about being fat, then gets mad when you try to help them. Be a jolly fatass or change your ways, pick one
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    En botella whey! Max-Mex's Avatar
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    I agree that if you are a gym nut, don't be a snob about it. However, I firmly believe that people who complain about their weight should shut it. If a person doesn't want to be reminded about theiur bad habits, then we shouldn't hear about their weight/health problems.
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    reminds me of certain close people to me Im fat blah blah, but dont want to bother working out and eat pizza everyday.

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    Senior Member IdaMAN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pusher
    This guy sounds like a total girly man, if someone says these things to you kindly, its an act of motivation to better yourself, he really sounds pissed off at himself for having no self control or will power, people don't like to be reminded of that.

    Anyways, I've never heard of a man who listens to their gf/wife that much

    Where the hell did you get that opinion from after reading that? lol. I am pretty sure he was referring to "nagging" and being snobish about it. The only thing he sounds pissed off at is being content on not working out or eating healthy and always being bugged to do so.

    It is no different when someone can't resist commenting on smoking. Like hearing it from them you are all of a sudden going to react like, "OMG! I never realized it was bad for me all this time! Thank you so much for enlightening me to the dangers. I am going to quit right now!" Lol, think I will say that next time someone comments.
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    I think this whole thread revolves around something I've discovered recently in my family and friends. Selfishness

    Like the guy above, most of my family and friends think I'm working out and eating good out of vanity and selfishness and they don't want to hear anything about it. The real reason couldn't be further from the truth, I'm working out and eating right to be healthier, happier and to live longer with a better quality of life for myself for my little son, far from being selfish and I bring up health issues with them because I want them to be around more than a few years. But they point the finger and accuse ME of being selfish because I won't eat 4 plates of their home made dessert or because I spend an hour every morning working out. (While they stare at a TV screen and get fatter)

    On the other hand I look at them (and how I used to be) and think how increadably selfish THEY are. They would rather eat 3 or 4 plates of dessert than be able to run and play with their kids/grandkids/nephews etc. what ever. They would rather eat McDonalds everyday than live to see their kids graduate. One family member is severly diabetic, but still eats sweets everyday, appartently because she'd rather listen to her sweet tooth than be able to walk in 5 or 10 years when she'll be on dialisis (sp?) all day and in a wheelchair.

    It also pisses me off (I'm starting to rant, but I want to get this out) when I look at pictures of myself from 2 or 3 years ago and can't believe no one ever told me how fat I was and that I should loose weight to stay alive. Didn't they care?!? All they were concerned about was whether I was coming for Sunday dinner. It really makes me angry, how messed up their priorities were and still are.

    I think if there was any problem with the chick mentioned above it was that she cared for this jerk, she wanted to help him feel better, live longer and enjoy life and he wan't to stay a pig. I'd bet money that if she had stopped working out, started eating crap etc and put on weight he'd have been complaining that she was fat and lazy and dumped her because of that.

    It's really hard to start as a VERY fat, out of shape man, and start working out everyday and becoming healthier than you have ever been and not want your closest family, the people you care about most, to be able to feel as good as you do to. It's hard no to yell "FIRE" every once in a while when everyone around you is on fire and don't even know it (or at least don't want to hear it).

    Sorry for ranting

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    HomeYield WillKuenzel's Avatar
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    I'll never understand the people that complain about something but never do anything to change it. If this guy was complaining about being a fat ass and his girlfriend tried to help hiim make changes then its his own dumbass for not realizing she was trying to be supportive.

    If its unsolicitied advice and pressure then that's totally different. I've never pushed my girlfriend into working out or eating the things I do. Hell, I'm cutting for a competition and even with all the candies and pastas laying around, I've never said a thing to her about it. Its my choice and not her's.
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    Steak and Eggs pusher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdaMAN
    Where the hell did you get that opinion from after reading that? lol. I am pretty sure he was referring to "nagging" and being snobish about it. The only thing he sounds pissed off at is being content on not working out or eating healthy and always being bugged to do so.
    Someone who feels inclined to complain that much about 'nagging' girlfriends needs to make sure he still has balls, cause it just sounds like (bitc hin) to me. People can say whatever they want to say, whether you like it or not, specially one's GF, deal with it. You should be able to stand by your personal choices, and if you do, then people's nagging shouldn't bother you, at all.

    ...this guy makes a list about what he didn't like about his girlfriend's committments to health and fitness...come on...really?GMAFB
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    Steak and Eggs pusher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HomeYield
    Hell, I'm cutting for a competition and even with all the candies and pastas laying around, I've never said a thing to her about it. Its my choice and not her's.
    :withstupi
    That's what I mean, but you wouldn't bite her head off for offering you some food or make a list on what you dislike about her eating habbits.
    Last edited by pusher; 08-23-2004 at 12:19 PM.
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    Senior Member IdaMAN's Avatar
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    He didn't make a list of her eating habbits. Nor did he say he didn't like them having such a regimen,it was their attitude toward HIS choice not to have the same life style. They didn't make a list of his either but it sure sounds like they hounded him about it.
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    Too Beaucoup -sin-'s Avatar
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    He sounds bitter because his past girlfriends came to their senses and dumped his sorry ass. I wouldn't want to be tied down to a woman that had no interest in keeping herself in shape for me either.

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    Senior Member IdaMAN's Avatar
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    Keeping herself in shape for you? Hahahaha, I hope you are joking.
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    Quote Originally Posted by -sin-
    He sounds bitter because his past girlfriends came to their senses and dumped his sorry ass. I wouldn't want to be tied down to a woman that had no interest in keeping herself in shape for me either.
    ^^ :withstupi Definitely. With me it's not so much that as I can't stand to have lazy people around me since I feel the need to be active constantly. Sometimes I have to give my gf a push in the right direction when she slacks about exercising sometimes. I will ask her on occasion if she's still doing her pilades, but now she has a friend living with her and her mother to do them with and keep motivated, so I'm more at ease now.
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    Steak and Eggs pusher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pusher
    ...this guy makes a list about what he didn't like about his girlfriend's committments to health and fitness...come on...really?GMAFB
    Quote Originally Posted by IdaMAN
    He didn't make a list of her eating habbits. Nor did he say he didn't like them having such a regimen,it was their attitude toward HIS choice not to have the same life style. They didn't make a list of his either but it sure sounds like they hounded him about it.
    ****
    I have been completely unsupportive of my past girlfriends who had rigid, disciplined fitness regimens. It's not so much that I don't like them having such a regimen, as the attitude they tend to get around it.

    I am not by any means saying everyone does these things, but here's a basic checklist of why I didn't particularly care for their various commitments to health and fitness.
    ***

    Anyways, my point is why does he feel inclined to compose and share a list of what bothered him about his girlfriends attitude, every woman has one. Just sounds like something a woman would do. Dats why I say girly man.

    EDIT: SP
    Last edited by pusher; 08-23-2004 at 01:26 PM.
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    Magically delicious Shane's Avatar
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    I don't think you should try to get anyone to work out unless they a) are constantly complaining about being fat or b) ask you to. I know people who say "If I don't work out I want you to give me ****!" So it's fine to do it to them. Hell, I like it when people do that to me. It's kinda like your religion. Don't push it on others.
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    I want some crack! TBone4Eva's Avatar
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    If being with a girl who works out is such a pain for him then, why the hell does he keep going out with them? He should find a girl who shares his lifestyle then they could be happy eating pizza together.
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    Too Beaucoup -sin-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdaMAN
    Keeping herself in shape for you? Hahahaha, I hope you are joking.
    Whats so funny about that? Would you marry a girl whose eating habbits and lifestyle are going to cause her to gain a significant amount of weight as she ages? Thats why so many marriages are ruined by infidelity and divorce these days. Usually someone isn't keeping up their end of the bargain.

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    Senior Member IdaMAN's Avatar
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    I wouldn't want a chic who would work out for "me" I'd want her to do it for herself.
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    Magically delicious Shane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IdaMAN
    I wouldn't want a chic who would work out for "me" I'd want her to do it for herself.
    I'll take either of those reasons. As long as she works out.
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  23. #23
    Om. Avocado. MM's Avatar
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    Hey fellas, remember that we're only reading His Side™ of the story. For all we know, she was never very naggy about it; rather, he saw what she was doing for herself, was envious and resentful that he wasn't doing the same, and took a lot of small comments as personal slights. Not to mention that he might have constantly complained about his need to work out, lose weight, or change his diet. Nothing in what he has said (i.e. in the tone and character of the post) gives me the inclination to think he was the wronged party here.

    On a personal level, I believe that anyone who is doing something to better themself is better than someone who is not. If this guy was trying to be more successful in his career, or in education, or whathaveyou -- yeah, she's not better than he is. If she was trying to progress in every other facet of her character and was also working out, in my opinion -- she was better than him. He should shut the hell up and deal with it.

    And pass the Lays, bitch.

  24. #24
    Bad Monkey! Nights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pusher
    Anyways, my point is why does he feel inclined to compose and share a list of what bothered him about his girlfriends attitude, every woman has one. Just sounds like something a woman would do. Dats why I say girly man.
    Reason he share it, was because some ladies on the forum were talking about unsupportive people in there life. He offered it as points for why they might be unsupportive.

    And for a part, I agree with him. I don't think that everyone who doesn't jump on the working out bandwagon hates you because you look better then them. It's partly because alot of us will try to inflict our views and ideals on others. The whole belief that we are better because we workout then someone who doesn't is kinda sad in my personal opinion. I workout because I love doing it. Yes, I struggle, watch diet and dedicate myself to it, but looking down at others for not doing the same is kind of backwards. And counterproductive as it breeds bad feelings on the other side as well.

    That was my react to the post when I read it on there. Advice and ideas of why they might be counterproductive. As it happened on that thread, a lot of people jumped on him for posting it. Was wondering how the reaction would be over here.
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  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by TBone4Eva
    If being with a girl who works out is such a pain for him then, why the hell does he keep going out with them? He should find a girl who shares his lifestyle then they could be happy eating pizza together.
    My thoughts exactly. The guy sounds like a moron to me. Maybe if he put as much thought into choosing his girlfriends as he did whining to people on the internet he wouldn't find himself in those situations.

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