The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness
Latest Article

The Five Biggest Contradictions in Fitness

Itís no secret that when people contradict themselves, it has the effect of making the flaws in their actions or statements seem glaringly obvious. But what about when WE ourselves get caught contradicting ourselves by someone else?

By: Nick Tumminello Added: January 6th, 2014
More Recent Articles
Contrast Training for Size
By: Lee Boyce
An Interview with Marianne Kane of Girls Gone Strong
By: Jordan Syatt
What Supplements Should I be Taking? By: Jay Wainwright
Bench Like a Girl By: Julia Ladewski
Some Thoughts on Building a Big Pull By: Christopher Mason

Facebook Join Facebook Group       Twitter Follow on Twitter       rss Subscribe via RSS
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 50
  1. #1
    Wannabebig Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    17

    my wife won't work out

    How many of you also struggle to get your significant others to see the light? I have noticed that relationships where both partners are equally into fitness are really quite rare. I find this rather intriguing because one would think the non-fit person would eventually be converted by seeing the many benefits of a fitness oriented lifestyle. I for example participate in numerous activities that most 40 somethings have long since given up. I snowboard, downhill mountainbike, skateboard etc. My wife of course just thinks I'm an immature nut who needs to grow up. I have never understood why people are so willing to just give up on the activities that brought them so much joy in their youth. And yes, I have suffered more than my share of injuries, broken bones, and reconstructive surgeries, but I just can't imagine settling in to a sedintary lifestyle. I have pretty much given up trying to convert my wife (as it only causes contention) but it is sad to see her ever declining self image as age takes it's toll on her physique.

  2.    Support Wannabebig and use AtLarge Nutrition Supplements!


  3. #2
    Senior Member RussianRocket's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    2,357
    fear?
    Milk is the best Supplement

    Well my friends think I'm ugly
    I got a masculine face - Tom Waits.

  4. #3
    En botella whey! Max-Mex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Dorchester, MA
    Posts
    4,808
    It's hard to say judge your wife because I don't know what a normal day is like for her. Do you have kids? Does she work? Do you share in the chores?

    Some women may just not have the energy after a long day of working, taking care of kids, and doing house work. Granted some women don't let that be an excuse, but unless you go through that kind of daily routine, you'll never know.

    I'd take a serious look at what her day is like and if it looks busy, then maybe you should take time off from you busy schedule and help her out some. I know my wife does a lot and so when she doesn't want to go workout, I don't give her any grief because I know what her day is like.
    Burritos are the bomb for bulking!
    My Food Journal


    PB's&Goals

    Deadlift: PR 1@440, Goal 1@450
    Squat: PR 1@375, Goal 1@400
    Bench: PR 2@275, Goal 1@300

  5. #4
    Wannabebig Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    17
    She is busy and tired, but aren't we all. I find the "I'm tired I have children" excuse to be just as lame for women as it would be for men. Last time I checked, My wife has 5 kids but so do I. We are equal partners and share the burdens and joys equally. Many of my fitness oriented activities involve participation with my kids in which my wife refuses to participate. I work three jobs and do much of the house work. We have five children, she recently completed a masters degree and started working full time. Regardless of our situation over our 20 years of marriage she has just never been in to fitness. I always find it amusing when guys make statements like "I have to babysit tonight" as I don't believe you babysit your own kids, it is called parenting. For every excuse my wife has for not working out, l also have one, as do we all. The bottom line, is that it is a priority for some of us and not for others. For example she would rather unwind at the end of the day by watching TV while I head for the gym after the younger kids have been put to bed. By the way, believe it or not, we do have a wonderful relationship and we are truly best buds, but we don't share common interests with regards to outdoor/fitness activities. In other words we have nice weekend dates and do our own thing much of the time. I don't believe that couples have to do everything together or necessarily have common interests to have a healthy relationship. My biggest problem/concern as I stated before is her ever declining self image accompanied by her refusal to do anything about it. Unfortunately this does somewhat impact the relationship

  6. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Born -> Ireland, college @ Upenn, Philadelphia. Back in Dublin
    Posts
    0
    Try to get her excited about it, try use your enthusiam to motivate her. It probably wont work to nag her about it. Try to start her off slow and hopefulyl once she see improvments she's get encouraged to keep it up and do more.

    This is one reason that i look to girls who already take care of themselves and work out, i could not date someone who doesnt care about their body. Sure they might not be as big a nut as i am, but that's ok.

    I say encourage her to do something about it herself, empower her to take control of her body. Let her know it can be done, its not just getting old.

    Good luck
    Start 7` @ 244lbs. (1/Sept/04) --> Bulked 7` @ 277lbs. (05/01/05)
    Most recent Jan 4th 2007 @ 122kilo(268lbs)
    Bf 14.3% as of 28th Oct 06.

    Current/
    Bench 300/
    Dead 455/
    Squat 345/

  7. #6
    Fury Divine RickTheDestroyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Posts
    2,114
    Dude, if you figure this one out, let me know.

    I've been trying to get my girlfriend to lift for some time now, to no avail. For me it's not about any sort of physical fitness thing, I mostly just think that it would help keep her sane. Although, as she gets older (yeah, okay I'm in it for the long haul), I'd hate to see her suffer from health related issues that could have been avoided with some regular exercise.

    Her biggest problem is that she "feels dumb" at the gym. I told her that everyone does, though. I mean, sh*t when I started lifting, I wouldn't wear my glasses to the gym so I wouldn't be able to see if there were people who I knew there, because I was so embarrassed. Almost everybody has to be the skinny/fat/weak guy at the gym at some point. Now I'm bigger than a lot of those guys that I used to be intimidated by, and I've only been lifting for 2 years. RaginT is right- so much of it is about empowerment (if that's a word).

    On a good note, I did convince her to take weightlfting her next semester at school. Hopefully she'll listen to me and do real exercises and not that isolation girl crap that they always try to teach girls.

    Tell your wife that you love her how she is. Explain that it's for health benefits, not appearance, which is what girls usually assume, in my experience. DO NOT SAY "GEE HONEY, YOU SURE ARE LOOKING FAT TODAY". Tell her that lifting is one of the single best things that you can do for yourself, mentally and physically.
    And uh, if actually figure out how to get women to lift weights against their will, let me know.

  8. #7
    Senior Member geoffgarcia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    3,445
    some people just aren't into looks
    I know if I was in lazy mode and someone dangled a carrot in front of me I'd do it...
    what about offering a big vacation or some plastic surgery or something like that...if she sticks with it for a year, or loses x weight.
    I dunno, those things would get me moving if I were lazy
    Last edited by geoffgarcia; 11-22-2004 at 12:34 PM.

  9. #8
    Wannabebig Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    64
    She's married with kids. Why would she have to work out anymore?

    Thats probably what she is thinking.

    Or she will lay the guilt trip on you.."Don't you love me no matter how I look?"

    Truth is, most girlfriends and wives make you fat.

    If you are fighting through that, great. Most can't.


    Question, did she work out before you guys met?
    Second place is the first loser.

  10. #9
    Senior Member BFG123's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Lake Tahoe CA
    Posts
    0
    Make room in your boat I'm in it too lol.
    I'm also in my 40's but that hasn't slowed me down, yea a few more aches and pains from playin' hard my whole life but you only live once make the most of it and do it to till I die....................

  11. #10
    Wannabebig Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    17
    Quote Originally Posted by Thunderwulf
    She's married with kids. Why would she have to work out anymore?

    Thats probably what she is thinking.

    Or she will lay the guilt trip on you.."Don't you love me no matter how I look?"

    Truth is, most girlfriends and wives make you fat.

    If you are fighting through that, great. Most can't.


    Question, did she work out before you guys met?
    No she didn't work out and she has always struggled with athletics/fitness. I don't expect her to become a fitness fanatic, it is just frustrating to see people who struggle but won't help themselves, almost like drug addicts. Not only will she not workout, but she also bakes cookies almost every evening. I am actually quite amazed that she hasn't gained more weight over the years as I would weigh 400 lbs if I ate cookies and other junk all the time and never worked out. She also has no comprehension as to the effort involved with getting truly fit as she thinks a neighborhood stroll a few evenings a week is knuckling down. She has tried on occasion to take it up a notch and actually started running a bit a few years ago but she has never been able to stick with any fitness program for more than a few weeks. Her brother is just the same. He will buy a $3000.00 bike, ride it 5 times and then it will just occupy space in the garage for the next 5 years until he donates it to charity after which he will go out and buy something else. She freely admits that she is not happy with her physique but also openly admits that the effort to do something about it just isn't worth it to her. The unfortunate end result is low self image, energy, libido etc.

  12. #11
    Senior Member geoffgarcia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    3,445
    Quote Originally Posted by bighit
    Her brother is just the same. He will buy a $3000.00 bike, ride it 5 times and then it will just occupy space in the garage for the next 5 years until he donates it to charity after which he will go out and buy something else. She freely admits that she is not happy with her physique but also openly admits that the effort to do something about it just isn't worth it to her. The unfortunate end result is low self image, energy, libido etc.
    my mom is the same way, first she bought a cardio bike, then a treadmill, then some exotic trampoline...what a waste of money...
    I dont think she used them once...

  13. #12
    Wannabebig Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    utah
    Posts
    17
    I think it is important to clarify at this point, that I love my wife completely and I am fully committed to our relationship. I still find her attractive after nearly 22 total years together and I have never made a single disparaging remark to her regarding her appearance. She's not the slim young girl I hooked up with 22 years ago but of course I am far from the ultra fit college athlete I was at that time as well. My only complaint (which I have mentioned numerous times allready) is that her unwillingness to invest in her fitness/physique has lead to a lowered self image which has impacted the relationship. If I could change one thing about her, it wouldn't be how she looks, (as I am perfectly O.K. with that) but rather how she thinks she looks, in other words her self image or her willingness to do something about it if she is not happy/satisfied.

  14. #13
    Go Heels! MixmasterNash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Posts
    10,215
    Focus on the psychological effects of lifting/exercise. Don't even dicuss "getting in shape" or details of fitness. Explain how regular exercise can reduce stress, give you MORE energy, make you feel much better in general.

  15. #14
    I wannabebig!
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    in my own world
    Posts
    1,816
    im pretty sure a lot of them heard that... then go how will tiring myself out give me more energy and reduce my stress... its just adding onto it.

  16. #15
    Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Kitchener, ON
    Posts
    11,341
    it sounds like she needs Core Belief Engineering (google it for herds of info) or something similar, and the results from that will likely either be:

    1) a desire to workout or otherwise exercise to change her body
    2) a realization that she's ok with how she looks and you can both get on with your lives

    the bottom line is that we don't do anything in life unless we WANT to; even things we think we "HAVE TO" do are ultimately "WANTS" to do because you want to avoid some kind of consequence of not doing them

    ultimately in order to succeed in any kind of exercise/fitness venture, you need to like what you're doing; lifting may not be the answer for her but if you can find some kind of physical activity you can both do together then progress may be made.

    if she's carrying a lot of excess fat then diet is the most important consideration; she doesn't need to exercise (although it would HELP) if she has a grip on her diet, and cookies-every-night definitely sounds like a diet that's out of control -- dammit, it's sugar not love!

    I have found that another secret to success is the incremental approach; you decry the walk-around-the-block approach, but if that's used as a stepping stone to something more vigorous then it's worthwhile


    [cynical mode]you could also just make conversation about the cute young thangs chatting you up at the gym and jealous her into working out.[/cynical mode] but that would just be mean...

  17. #16
    II MrWebb78's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    The Big Sac
    Posts
    5,954
    Quote Originally Posted by MixmasterNash
    Focus on the psychological effects of lifting/exercise. Don't even dicuss "getting in shape" or details of fitness. Explain how regular exercise can reduce stress, give you MORE energy, make you feel much better in general.
    this was going to be my advice. dont ever sign your own death wish and say "it'll firm up that butt of yours!" lol.

    this is the same advice that keeps me going to the gym, i prettyt much peaked a couple years ago as far as fitness goals were concerned, so now i go as much as possible for the fun, the challenge, the energy, and better mood. im not going anymore to try and get a six pack or use a 6 weeks to better biceps routine.
    A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. - Edward Abbey

    There is a wide difference between speaking to deceive, and being silent to be impenetrable. - Voltaire

    If it can be imagined, it can be done. - Me

    6'2"
    273 lbs.

  18. #17
    Wannabebig New Member HahnB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    0
    I tried forever to get my gf to workout, she doesn't really seem into it. She stays fit doing dance and other things but she seems to be afraid of the weights. My theory is any person that you have to coax into working out will never be serious enough to stick with it. If you're one of those people who is gonna stay with it and go hard you will take it up on your own.

  19. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Posts
    991
    Quote Originally Posted by HahnB
    I tried forever to get my gf to workout, she doesn't really seem into it. She stays fit doing dance and other things but she seems to be afraid of the weights. My theory is any person that you have to coax into working out will never be serious enough to stick with it. If you're one of those people who is gonna stay with it and go hard you will take it up on your own.
    ain't that the truth. you can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink... or something like that

    i understand a little when people don't want to workout or exercise. i didn't exercise AT ALL for several months, but i got so sick of feeling like crap i promised myself i would start working out and would stick with it. you can't force people to change... they must make the decision themselves.

  20. #19
    Magically delicious Shane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,256
    That sucks. Which is why I tell every girl I date I wouldnt marry a girl that wont work out a little.
    "you are like my yoda." - chops

    "you are not like yoda at all!" - chops

    "shh...I'm only gay for pay" - ECTX

    "no matter how much you lift, just remember that on the other side of the world, a little chinese girl is warming up with your max" - bIgHwN86

    My Journal

  21. #20
    Still Plugging Away -TIM-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Iowa, USA
    Posts
    4,590
    Quote Originally Posted by DenimDemon
    I've been trying to get my girlfriend to lift for some time now, to no avail. For me it's not about any sort of physical fitness thing, ...I'd hate to see her suffer from health related issues that could have been avoided with some regular exercise.
    Just say it, you'd hate to see her get FAT!

    I saw this thread and started laughing before I even opened it up. There's not a single guy here that hopes his significant other doesn't loose her figure. If I'm going to dedicate 1.5 hours per day, 5 days a week to getting in great shape, I'm naturally going to want someone equally as dedicated. Probably not going to happen though.

    I think the best thing I can do for myself is realize I'm shallow. Coming to terms with it just might be the best way to concour it.
    Last edited by Tim Nissen; 11-22-2004 at 05:43 PM.
    Best way to cheat on deadlifts...

    Stand there for a few minutes, then pace back and forth a lot, huff and puff, wait until everybody's looking. Approach the bar. Back off. Approach it again. Back off. Get some water. Chalk up. Approach the bar again. Then spray some more chalk around. Wait until people start losing interest. When nobody's looking, pick it a little off the floor, and slam it down. Jump up and yell "LIGHT WEIGHT BABY". Then give high fives all around. - Belial

  22. #21
    Fury Divine RickTheDestroyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Posts
    2,114
    Quote Originally Posted by HahnB
    My theory is any person that you have to coax into working out will never be serious enough to stick with it. If you're one of those people who is gonna stay with it and go hard you will take it up on your own.
    Eh. This isn't always the case- the guy who got me started about had to drag me to the gym for about the first month and a half. Now I'm just about the king of gym motivation. I might be a special case though.

    Also Tim, I guess I'd hate to see her get fat (FAT), but I've always preferred to err on the side of too much woman rather than too little. When I first started dating her I actually had to fatten her up some (mmm cheesecake). I do have to admit though- I really like a muscle-y back and a big ol' squatter's ass on a girl.

  23. #22
    Still Plugging Away -TIM-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Iowa, USA
    Posts
    4,590
    Quote Originally Posted by DenimDemon
    I do have to admit though- I really like a muscle-y back and a big ol' squatter's ass on a girl.
    Oh man that's my kind of woman.
    Last edited by Tim Nissen; 11-22-2004 at 05:56 PM.
    Best way to cheat on deadlifts...

    Stand there for a few minutes, then pace back and forth a lot, huff and puff, wait until everybody's looking. Approach the bar. Back off. Approach it again. Back off. Get some water. Chalk up. Approach the bar again. Then spray some more chalk around. Wait until people start losing interest. When nobody's looking, pick it a little off the floor, and slam it down. Jump up and yell "LIGHT WEIGHT BABY". Then give high fives all around. - Belial

  24. #23
    Mostly healed up! PizDoff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    TO, Canada
    Posts
    2,864
    Before read the thread:

    My first thought upon seeing the thread title is:

    DIVORCE!!!


    *Cough*
    I'm sorry. Express your concern for her, citing osterporosis is a negative and then citing the positives of exercising.

    (Negatives first before positives. Then tell her to come with you the next time and you two will do something together.)

    Sales 101
    Or encourage her to get one of her friends to go with her.

  25. #24
    Fury Divine RickTheDestroyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Chapel Hill, NC
    Posts
    2,114
    Oh yeah, one more thing- Do NOT spot her in the same sadistic way you spot your normal workout buddies.
    I still get yelled at about that.

  26. #25
    Wannabebig New Member
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    michigan
    Posts
    0
    My woman doesnt work out but she's skinny , muscular and hot anyway . I dont want her in MY gym .

    My advice ... find some young hottie from the gym , throw it in her a few times , dump the wife , tell the kids they have a new mommy .


    Seriously ... guess what ? ... she might not be interested bro .
    Give me your broken , give me your beaten ... I will build them up , I will lead them ... to the threshhold . Make you stronger , make you believe .

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •