I don't even know if this is the best place to put this, but I feel as if I have to get this off my chest.
Let me preface this by saying that I'm usually a happy-go-lucky kinda guy.
Since I was young, I've been a shy person and paranoid person, and has finally gotten to me.
I played football long ago, and I tried to make friends with the biggest and strongest guys, because I felt that if they were my friends, I'd feel better about myself. I was always paranoid that people were out to get me or were talking about me. Also, I was too ashamed to shower with the team. I knew that everyone looked better than me and were in better shape and were "bigger" than me. At least that's what I told myself.
Because I am so shy and paranoid, I never drank or smoked or did anything even close to illegal or immoral. This, in turn, made me isolate myself from everyone else. I always felt like I didn't belong, no matter how much I wanted to. I had a few girlfriends, but since I didn't feel love for myself, how could I love a woman. So, the relationships didn't last long. And because I didn't feel adequte about myself, I never had any sex.
I wanted to party and have fun and do other things the football team did, but even there I felt as if I didn't belong. So, I ended up alone, and although I loved football, I quit the team. And I quit lifting weights because everyone was so much bigger and stronger than me, what right did I have in there.
Fast foward to current times. I work everyday and am happy with my job. But when I go out to places like the mall, a little voice in my head is saying stuff like "They're looking at you, ya know" Although my logical side is saying that there's no possible way that they're concerned about me, that little voice inside me never shuts up.
I also see everyone as they are better than me. To me, everyone looks better than I am. They're either taller than me or more muscluar or stronger. Unless they are exceptionally out of shape, I see something about them that is better than what I have. I'm still a virgin, still paranoid about being around other people and still so shy that I don't want to take my clothes off around people.
So, recently I joined this site because I wanted to get into shape, and I decided to take some before pictures. And I realized that I am very very unhappy with my current appearance. I look and feel like a fatass. That in turn led me to think about what I really want. I am addicted to muscle. I want the size and strength and confidence that it provides. I see people on the various boards and out and about and I want to be like that.
But the little voice in my head continues to annoy and get in my way. It keeps telling me that I will never be as good as anyone else. That I will always be the fatass that I am. No one will want you. No matter how much work I do, or what diet I follow or how much weight I lift or even if I find steriods, I'll still be a fatass and everyone will still be better than me.
My logical side says that if I work hard enough I can get what I want, but that voice is still there, even though I know it is completly illogical.
I guess I'll see what will happen. I just have to keep to it.
Boy, it is tough to come out and say all that to anyone.
sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is be honest with yourself. you've done that, so now you can start doing something ABOUT it.
I'm the same way...I'm paranoid about it. I don't fit in. I am overly critical about myself. Always saying I am weak. But you just gotta take a step out of yourself and say 'You know...Compared to the norm I am big.' Knowing that, You will just want it more man. Don't give up keep on keeping on man.
Hey man, you have the desire. That in itself puts you ahead of a bunch of people. Try not to focus on other people though, you gotta do what makes you happy. Once that happens, you will feel content.
Scars are tatoos with better stories.
If I read this correctly, the average adult man cannot bench press 135lbs.
Average ain't that great, and is something that is easy to overcome. This applies to all facets of life.
Now, go find a loose and understanding woman and get yourself laid. That will improve your confidence by 6000%!
Shadow Bandit. While I haven't seen exactly what you look like, I can assure you that there are people here that used to look a lot worse than you do. But it's not about where you are but rather where you are going and how you are getting there.
On another note... exactly what was your childhood like, especially concerning your parents? If you don't want to answer or wouldn't minding PMing me that'd be fine but if you ask me I think you might want to look into some counseling.
It's not really that hard to get in shape once you know what you're doing (which is why we have this site).
Even if you start thinking about quitting half way to your goal... you'll be that much more in-shape than you were to begin with and once you get even remotely close to your goal the truth will be that people ARE looking at you... but they're only looking at you because you're in f*cking great shape and are what the girls want and guy want to be.
It's good that you got that off of your chest though.
...........||High School||.....||July '05||.......||January '09||
Time to Get Ripped
Pictures of Me
You may want to see a professional about some (if not all) of these feelings. You've taken the first step admitting there's a problem(s), so take the next one: get help.
I wish you luck!
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
Are you eating while you are reading this? You should be... --hrdgain81
Remember, kids, if you type well the Grammar Fairy will leave a quarter under your pillow. The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation
Well, the Blog's (finally) back (again!): Love and Hope and Sex and Dreams Feel free to stop by and comment.
Here is my newly-created World of Warcraft Blog: BG's WoW Blog. Once again, feel free to stop by and comment.
Bro, **** that voice. That voice is lying to you!Originally Posted by Shadow Bandit
I really hope that you stick with it. Man, stick around, read and learn (and allot of the learning is in the doing), but above all give yourself a chance.
Workout + diet for one year and it'll be the absolute best thing you'll ever do for yourself. I promise. Just do it. Stick to it.
"To make a big training like Dimas, you can not be a pussy." - Christos Iakovou
prepare yourself, because it's a big training
Turnin nothin into somethin, is God work
And you get nothin without struggle and hard work
Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. - Henri Bergson.
I'm a middle-aged woman, and it changed MY life.
Imagine what it will do for you.
This article is a little example of what this lifestyle can do for you.
Henry Rollins Article
I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.
When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me "garbage can" and telling me I'd be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn't run home crying, wondering why. I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.
I hated myself all the time. As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn't going to get pounded in the hallway between classes. Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you'll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn't think much of them either.
Then came Mr. Pepperman, my advisor. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class.Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn't even drag them to my mom's car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.
Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.'s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn't looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing. In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn't want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in.
Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn't know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.
Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn't say **** to me.
It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn't want to come off the mat, it's the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn't teach you anything. That's the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.
It wasn't until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can't be as bad as that workout.
I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn't ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you're not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.
I have never met a truly strong person who didn't have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone's shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr.Pepperman.
Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.
Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body.
Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn't see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.
I prefer to work out alone. It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you're made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live. Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it's some kind of miracle if you're not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.
I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.
Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.
The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back.
The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.
My brother and I were brutal. I once chased him around the house with a spoon that I put on the burner. I burned that little pricks leg. -sharkall2003
Then I saw a little african boy sleeping, and I thought...that is little Okeke. he is tired from herding all the goats and the big goat got away today - Rock
I think my sig is relevent here. But anyway, you can be strong and resist the urge to "fit in". You can live for yourself and other people, but you shouldnt have to stop being who you are to do so. Its about living authentically, and you can do so without comprimising your happiness.
Last edited by Garrix; 09-13-2005 at 08:26 PM.
"In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination." -Mark Twain
That post whas actually touching. You cant care so much about what other people think and look like theres always gonna be someone bigger and stronger but who gives a **** as long as youre happy and work hard. Ps. Get some ass you remind me of that 40 yr old virgin.
I know how you feel, I had bad social anxiety, serious OCD, and very low self esteem. I use to cut into myself, starve myself, just put myself through torture cus I just hated myself. I never socialized with my peers, I always swayed myself aloft from everyone. People would always approach me, try to talk to me, girls would hit on me, and I would just blow them all off cus I felt everyone was better than me and I was just a piece of sh*t. I couldn't look anyone in the eye I felt so ugly. I just stare at the floor everywhere I go. I would spend 2 hours on my hair, decide it looked like ****, mess it up, shampoo it, start all over, only to repeat the same cycle several times a day. Then, I would finally stop trying and not leave the house period for NOTHING. I'd stay inside for months on end, depressed, never leaving cus I didn't wanna be seen, I didn't want to be noticed. I've lived in 2 inpatient treatment facilities and been on loads of medications. What I've learned from it all is that people are NOT judging, you are not alien, you do fit in, and people are way more down to earth than you realize. Just give yourself some credit, find your love, your ''out,'' that one thing that when you are doing it, nothing f*ckin matters and you are in bright spirits. Focus on your positives and expand on them. Become selfish, it works, just forget about everyone else for a while and focus on YOU. Dig deep into yourself, do some soul searching, find out who you REALLY are under all the superficial bs like looks. I hope you come out of this, and don't be afraid to post again to us if you need more help.
Thanks for all the responses. I'm feeling better getting that off my chest.
To answer fatrb38's inquires:
One of the before pictures I took can be found http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...Picture001.jpg. It is a horrible sight to behold, I'll admit that. So be prepared when you open it.
I don't really remember many details about my childhood. I never knew my biological father, but the man my mother married soon after I was born was a good father and he's the only one I recognize. As a middle child and the oldest son in my family, I felt that more responsibility was placed on me than my siblings. My younger brother could get away with almost anything. Sometimes, I wish that I would try and do the same, but I felt as if I had to be the good one and do what was asked of me. It was annoying at times but I saw how my mother felt when I did something she asked me to do after my younger brother b****ed and moaned about doing. This led me to do a lot of heavy lifting and moving and other household chores.
That's about all my childhood consisted of. Doing what was asked of me, then returning to my room. We used to play sports in our front yard, but for some reason we stopped. And we lived out in the country, way way out in the country so I had about 3 friends that lived within walking distance to me. I would visit them every now and again.
Just want to be better than I am now and nothing less will do.
Something that gave my confidence a boost was this.
Work out hard for a couple months and eat well. After a upperbody workout that you feel like you gave it 100% and have a good sweat going flex and take a good look in the mirror. You'll probably notice changes in areas and want to continue your work to get stronger and better.
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin
Dude, that's a major inferiority complex there mixed in with Napoleonic syndrome. Damn.
That little paranoid voice you have there- put a cork in it. I've had moments like that- and the best way to get that voice to shut up is to put it on ignore: just start doing whatever it is that you want to do despite the voice.
As far as thinking that everyone is looking at you- you're not that important. Really.
Get ye to a gym and make your muscles hurt. Eat. Rest. Repeat.
Homer Simpson - "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."
www.dictionary.com (for all your spell-checking needs)
My picture thread- http://www.wannabebigforums.com/showthread.php?t=78235
My journal- http://www.wannabebigforums.com/showthread.php?t=77712
Viking Warlord- "You can't motorboat a personality".
Built- "See, truly artful copy-paste isn't random. You need to know WHAT to copy before you go pasting..."
Man that little voice is just lying to you. I was always teased for being chubby as a kid, and it sticks with me to this day. Any time now that I can't at least see the middle line in my abs, I feel terminally obese. Even at my biggest, close to 290 at about 15%, I still felt like I could do better. I came to realize that the little voice in my head telling me that I had to push to be good enough wasn't really a bad thing though, it helped me push to get what I wanted. It made me agressive and assertive, and in the end, made me get exactally what I wanted. Try to focus on your inner self as a motivator instead of an insulter.. you might find it will actually help you!
Let me get this straight...
You get play from the girl of your dreams
PR Shoulder Press using the 3 digit dumbells
Hit up some fun with the guys
Then get more play (all in one afternoon/evening I might add.. S)
You are a success my friend . Share your secrets. (Crippy)
As for the weight gain, that too shouldn't be a problem, just tell them your leaning out. Then flex your bi and tell them to ****ing get lost.
yeah or throw something at them
like a couple of 45's
That was a great article.
<=Real Sword, Fake Glow.
Research that s*** up son. <me
Gyno Rhino: "I think your cyber-game just sucks."
Brawl: "Fill it with rocks , walk up to the sales dude and hit him in the face with it . When he falls down kick him in the neck and say " this stuff is junk "."
Brawl: "Or grab a bottle bust it on the table and stab him in his neck"
that article is pathetic, he just overdid it..overdid it way to much
A big thanks to all my friends in the USA, I am deeply grateful for your hospitality and kindness.
My day is complete, Rock is here.
Winners are simply people who are willing to do what losers won't.
If you are hurt, go to the doctors. It really doesn't get any simpler than that people.
Honstly I think too much of your self esteem is based on what you think other's perceptions of you are. In order to overcome that you'll need to find an alternative place to find your self esteem. Simple but very hard to accomplish. Here is my best advice. Be patient,if you stay consistent and commit to a complete change in lifestyle (that's what really happens when you commit to being healthy and in shape). Over time your body will change and people will notice,they may even comment,that's the best! Someone notices,they see differences,it's progress FINALLY,and that's addictive but it takes time. Be patient ,stay committed and be responsible for your own happiness and self esteem,don't give that "power" to total strangers! Keep it all to youself! and one last thing, choke the ever living **** out of that voice the next time you hear it!
Last edited by Wikked1; 09-15-2005 at 02:12 PM.
Ofcourse HahnB made an effort to post something he thinks will help, wich is good, and I support the posting of the article.
But dont identify your self with that ...weight humper? the iron doesnt make you strong, you do.
A big thanks to all my friends in the USA, I am deeply grateful for your hospitality and kindness.
What would happen if the iron were suddenly taken away from you?
You have to find INNER strength that truly comes from within - not derived from any pasttime, any person, etc.
Founding Member and CEO of the FFFA
"All that matters is beauty on the inside! Outside beauty doesn't matter!"
~This is something ugly people say to feel better about themselves...
"Strength and size don't matter! It's not fair to judge training knowledge based on strength and size!"
~This is something wussy people say to feel better about themselves...
Pearls of Wisdom...
Resident Ninja Demon (with a pet Radioactive Sloth) and SchlonkeyMaster of WBB!
Rock is my 'Big Viking Brother', and not in a homo-esque way.
And no COLON jokes, bastards!
Time to face the music bro ...
There is no excuse for you to not be bettering yourself now . You posted , we all see it and we expect you to start .
Here we go .
Give me your broken , give me your beaten ... I will build them up , I will lead them ... to the threshhold . Make you stronger , make you believe .
Dude your body won't be that hard to take care of. Get on a diet and lift some weights to take care of that.Originally Posted by Shadow Bandit
It's the attitude that needs work, obviously the diet and lifting will help quite a bit but I honestly think you need to snap out of it and realize you are wasting valuable years of your life worrying about things. Stop worrying, lift some weights, and have fun cuz you only live once.
...........||High School||.....||July '05||.......||January '09||
Time to Get Ripped
Pictures of Me