It's been damn near 6 weeks since the accident. I got my cast off Wednesday. I hurt in so many places. I have a relatively severe case of Post Concussion Syndrome and I'm in the middle of PCT. I vomit a couple of times a week and I can't eat. I'm down about 20 lbs since before the accident. Pre-accident I was about 260 @ 17% bf. Currently about 240 @ 15% bf. I typically get 1500 cals a day at about 150 gr protein. My strength has all but left me. Doc says don't touch a weight for 2 more weeks. My hand is still healing. What the **** does this doctor know? He couldn't even think of an anti nausea med to perscribe to me for my PCS, my wife had to suggest it. He said I didn't need physical therapy either--what a ****nut. When I told him I powerlift as a hobby he said "Powerlifting scares me". This ******* scares me--I'm putting my trust and my health in his hands and he doesn't know what to do.
SO I did what any level minded lifter would do. I went to the gym tonight. Get off my ****ing back--I wore a wrist brace *******s. Pushing 185 on the bench was like pushing 315 pre accident. A tear rolls down my face--not really. I guess I expected this. Early in 2005 I lost 35 lbs because of stomach surgery. I built back up from 215 to 260 with only 2-3% bf gain. And now, God has decided to smite me again. 2005 was a trying year for me. And 2006 is proving to be worse. The road to recovery for my hormones AND my injuries, is a long one. I used for 9 months--I'm a ****ing ******, but my hard work showed through and through, so **** you for judging me. Now I have the setback of my life. If I can pull through this, I can pull through ANY****ingTHING. I got get my natty test rolling again--that is priority number one. It's stalling, but I will pull through. I plan on having blood work in 8-10 weeks. Next priority is to conquer the pain and the nausea--not to mention the severe anxiety. My dysmorphia is at terrible heights right now. I plan my clothes around what covers me the most--no matter how hot I am. Just because I choose to strength train doesn't mean I'm not vain and insecure.
I will grow some balls again (literally...) and I will stop this nausea in it's tracks. I'm determined. Not to say I'm not scared ****less, but I'm dead set in my path, nonetheless.
I'll need support--that's why I post here. Perhaps a few old friends will trickle back into journal land and see my posts.
That's all I got right now. I'm always open to advice and words, whether they are kind or mocking.