So I'm bored and wasent going to post this but decided to anyways. Read if ya want. Comments are welcomed.
So I'll try to make this as short as possible (we all have lives).
About 2 years ago I started dating this girl, who I had been friends with for a long time before dating.
Anyways, we went out for 6 months but the last month of our relationship was TERRIBLE. It was really rough and I remember both of us crying (yea i'll admit it!) and getting all frustrated at how hard we tried to work things out but they just kept getting worse and worse.
She was the only girl i've ever actually "loved" and while 6 months might not sound like much it's the longest relationship i've ever been in so I can honestly say I really did love her. I still have some of her notes saved in my closet, can't bring myself to throw them away.
Things crapped out for a few reasons and I've actually sat down a few times to just think about it.
1) We really didnt have anything in common other then having the same moral veiws, same political veiws and the same love for music. We also had similar personalities but totally opposite interests. She was into drama and acting while I always thought it was boring. I also felt acting as a concept was a terrible art. Going on stage pretending you're something you arent? Really never fit well with me.
2) Her veiws on sex really bothered me. She wanted to wait till marriage which was fine with me. As long as I was happy thats all that really matters right? Plus Its not like I got much anyways.....lol.........What WAS NOT cool was that everyone that had sex before marriage was branded the anti christ. She would stop being friends with people if they had sex before marriage. Having beliefs is fine but forcing them on others isnt. I was always yelled at for having had sex before marriage which made me feel like garbage.
3) While I'm not totally innocent, towards the end her drama was really the only thing that mattered in her life. She would ignore her family, friends and me to practice for a play. I told her it wasent right to ignore her family or friends and offered to only hang out with her once a week for an hour or two. After a while even that was to much for her "busy" scedule. The problem was she was usually just sitting around when she told me she was busy.
4) There was a horrible Paranoia between us towards the end. I always felt like she was seeing someone else (she had problems with sex before marriage but was well known for being a big flirt and kissing "slut"). She always thought I was just in the relationship to pressure her for sex.
5) Something as simple as not calling eachother back would usually erupt into a big fight, mostly because of the above point and a hidden lust for "revenge" on both sides. For example, you didnt call me back last friday, so today I'm not picking up the phone etc. etc.
Fast forward to today
As a result of this relationship gone bad I've found myself VERY pesimistic about relationships as a whole. I usually only see women as a pair of legs which is not how I was raised and not how I'd like to veiw them. A good one is alot more then that. However, I havent even bothered dating for the past 1 1/2-2 years because of this relationship. Truth be told, she was my last girlfriend. I've become extremly bitter and angry at the whole thing. At being heart broken and wasting so much effort on nothing.
She goes to my college now, and I've run into her several times. Its been so long ago that I'm sure she has no bad feelings towards me at all. She always says hi to me, with a big warm, sincere smile. How can she be like that? I always glare at her and usually don't utter a word but today she did it and I felt so low, like dirt. Who am I to be such a dick/jerk/baby as to not even say hi back. Part of me still has feelings for her (which is typical with most first loves) but another part of me loathes her for all the pain I went through.
I just don't know what I should do. Maybe she's gotten better....part of me worries she hasent changed at all and being friends with her might make me angry/jelous or maybe even liking her again. I feel bad giving her the shoulder, but....??? Sorry for all this, I just havent really told anyone this. The internet is good because I can get good outside opinions. Whatever ya wanna put, go for it...