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Thread: TYPICAL GIRL THREAD, Advice is still cool though

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    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    TYPICAL GIRL THREAD, Advice is still cool though

    So I'm bored and wasent going to post this but decided to anyways. Read if ya want. Comments are welcomed.

    So I'll try to make this as short as possible (we all have lives).

    About 2 years ago I started dating this girl, who I had been friends with for a long time before dating.

    Anyways, we went out for 6 months but the last month of our relationship was TERRIBLE. It was really rough and I remember both of us crying (yea i'll admit it!) and getting all frustrated at how hard we tried to work things out but they just kept getting worse and worse.

    She was the only girl i've ever actually "loved" and while 6 months might not sound like much it's the longest relationship i've ever been in so I can honestly say I really did love her. I still have some of her notes saved in my closet, can't bring myself to throw them away.

    Things crapped out for a few reasons and I've actually sat down a few times to just think about it.

    1) We really didnt have anything in common other then having the same moral veiws, same political veiws and the same love for music. We also had similar personalities but totally opposite interests. She was into drama and acting while I always thought it was boring. I also felt acting as a concept was a terrible art. Going on stage pretending you're something you arent? Really never fit well with me.
    2) Her veiws on sex really bothered me. She wanted to wait till marriage which was fine with me. As long as I was happy thats all that really matters right? Plus Its not like I got much anyways.....lol.........What WAS NOT cool was that everyone that had sex before marriage was branded the anti christ. She would stop being friends with people if they had sex before marriage. Having beliefs is fine but forcing them on others isnt. I was always yelled at for having had sex before marriage which made me feel like garbage.
    3) While I'm not totally innocent, towards the end her drama was really the only thing that mattered in her life. She would ignore her family, friends and me to practice for a play. I told her it wasent right to ignore her family or friends and offered to only hang out with her once a week for an hour or two. After a while even that was to much for her "busy" scedule. The problem was she was usually just sitting around when she told me she was busy.
    4) There was a horrible Paranoia between us towards the end. I always felt like she was seeing someone else (she had problems with sex before marriage but was well known for being a big flirt and kissing "slut"). She always thought I was just in the relationship to pressure her for sex.
    5) Something as simple as not calling eachother back would usually erupt into a big fight, mostly because of the above point and a hidden lust for "revenge" on both sides. For example, you didnt call me back last friday, so today I'm not picking up the phone etc. etc.

    Fast forward to today

    As a result of this relationship gone bad I've found myself VERY pesimistic about relationships as a whole. I usually only see women as a pair of legs which is not how I was raised and not how I'd like to veiw them. A good one is alot more then that. However, I havent even bothered dating for the past 1 1/2-2 years because of this relationship. Truth be told, she was my last girlfriend. I've become extremly bitter and angry at the whole thing. At being heart broken and wasting so much effort on nothing.

    Heres her

    She goes to my college now, and I've run into her several times. Its been so long ago that I'm sure she has no bad feelings towards me at all. She always says hi to me, with a big warm, sincere smile. How can she be like that? I always glare at her and usually don't utter a word but today she did it and I felt so low, like dirt. Who am I to be such a dick/jerk/baby as to not even say hi back. Part of me still has feelings for her (which is typical with most first loves) but another part of me loathes her for all the pain I went through.

    I just don't know what I should do. Maybe she's gotten better....part of me worries she hasent changed at all and being friends with her might make me angry/jelous or maybe even liking her again. I feel bad giving her the shoulder, but....??? Sorry for all this, I just havent really told anyone this. The internet is good because I can get good outside opinions. Whatever ya wanna put, go for it...

    -jordan
    Last edited by Jordanbcool; 10-30-2006 at 08:25 PM.
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  2. #2
    Senior Member Sensei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jordanbcool
    She always says hi to me, with a big warm, sincere smile. How can she be like that?
    Huh? Do you work? Have you never been cordial to people you don't like or do you just beat down everyone you don't like?
    I always glare at her and usually don't utter a word but today she did it and I felt so low, like dirt. Who am I to be such a dick/jerk/baby as to not even say hi back.
    I totally agree with you here.

    Sorry for the lack of sympathy, but the bleeding-heart threads bring it out of me... Get on with your life and let her get on with hers. Stop trying to make her feel bad so you can feel more secure and powerful.
    A child does not learn to squat from the top down. In other words, he does not suddenly make a conscious decision one day to squat. Actually, he is squatting one day and make the conscious decision to stand. Squatting precedes standing in the developmental sequence. This is the way a child's brain learns to use the body as the child develops movement patterns. Therefore, a child is probably crawling, rocks back into a squatting position with the back completely relaxed and the hips completely flexed, and stands when he has enough hip strength. This approach makes a lot of sense and can be applied to relearning the deep squat movement if it is lost. -Gray Cook
    Lifting Clips: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=johnnymnemonic2
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    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sensei
    Huh? Do you work? Have you never been cordial to people you don't like or do you just beat down everyone you don't like?
    I totally agree with you here.

    Sorry for the lack of sympathy, but the bleeding-heart threads bring it out of me... Get on with your life and let her get on with hers. Stop trying to make her feel bad so you can feel more secure and powerful.
    *shrugs* its ok I don't care. These lame girl threads come up every other day so annoyance is an expected response.

    Ummm, I dont know. Should I start talking to her or what? This is the first time I've felt bad about it though.

    The reason being, (if I think about it). Is that I know if she is still the same busy, angry person I will end up just getting annoyed again and totally not talking to her.....but then again I dont talk to her now so I don't know how she is. It wasent all her fault in the relationship, indeed I was half of it. Part of me just doesnt see the point....

    I'm also half afraid I may start liking her again. She was the whole reason I got into bodybuilding.....it took me a year before I could say I was over her. Before then, I would pound out the squats in my anger/frustration. Bascially, I took the whole thing really hard.

    To give a more complete answer I'd have to reflect upon it more, but thats the basic gist. More comments are again welcomed..
    Last edited by Jordanbcool; 10-30-2006 at 08:40 PM.
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Sensei's Avatar
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    Just be polite. Don't expect, desire, or seek anything more than a very casual, distant relationship. That is my advice.
    A child does not learn to squat from the top down. In other words, he does not suddenly make a conscious decision one day to squat. Actually, he is squatting one day and make the conscious decision to stand. Squatting precedes standing in the developmental sequence. This is the way a child's brain learns to use the body as the child develops movement patterns. Therefore, a child is probably crawling, rocks back into a squatting position with the back completely relaxed and the hips completely flexed, and stands when he has enough hip strength. This approach makes a lot of sense and can be applied to relearning the deep squat movement if it is lost. -Gray Cook
    Lifting Clips: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=johnnymnemonic2
    Blog: http://squatrx.blogspot.com/

  5. #5
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sensei
    Just be polite. Don't expect, desire, or seek anything more than a very casual, distant relationship. That is my advice.
    ok
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  6. #6
    rampage don't squat bloodninja's Avatar
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    Hit her in the face with a brick.

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    Back in business WBBIRL's Avatar
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    My friend is going through something very simliar.

    His girlfriend is 100% GRADE A PSYCO and theres no deyning that. I've seen some of the **** he's put up with and I wouldn't have taken it for the hottest peice of ass this side of the nut house. She is really REALLY out of her mind and I honestly think for some sick twisted reason she WANTS to start fights with him.

    He loves her, alot and I know that. This is the guy who quit lifting weights after being dedicated for over a year and a half with me, who was eating turkey out of a sandwich bag while his friends had big mac's and coke's, who went running with me at our track like clockwork and all of it came to an end when he met her. That speaks volumes to me.

    She plays mind games with him to a sick extent. One example is that she and my friend were at her grandparents house and they were sitting on the couch. The grandfather walked into the room and my friend didnt say hello for whatever reason (they've been over to their house a million times). She started the holiest war over this and I cant believe he didnt can her right then and there. And she does it all the time.

    So he more or less indirectly was hinting for advice, which is ironic in a sense that he would want said advice from me.

    I told him bro heres what you can do.

    Stop fighting with her, stop playing into her hands. If she calls and wants to fight, tell her if she can't be civil your going to hang the phone up. If you have to hang up on her, dont answer the phone for atleast a week. If she still keeps that **** up, cut your losses right there and move on. If you dont lose your mind first.



    So it sounds your in much the same situation. She's hurt you more then she knows and or probably cares. The least she can endure for you is the absence of a smile on your face when she passes by.

    And @ the sex before marriage part:

    God gave his only son to pay all of our debts in full. All anyone has to do is love him, accept him and ask for forgiveness when the time comes. God hates no one, inface he loved us so much that he sent his only son into the world to pay for our sins. People are sinfull, and at some point in their lives every single human has sinned save jesus himself. Your ex didnt quite get the message

  8. #8
    rampage don't squat bloodninja's Avatar
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    That's some Saving Silverman crap right there, you should make your friend watch that movie...if you ever see him again.

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    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    You guys know whats funny though.

    After I lost 35lbs to try and get her back it totally failed. But her older more attractive sister took notice and asked me out on a few dates.

    Talk about ironic. I ended up breaking it off though before it got started. It would be so akward to date her sister after all that. I felt bad too because my ex's sister really liked me.

    It made me feel good though, I almost dated her sister just to get back at my ex. But luckily I didnt, it probably would've messed up their relationship which is really messed up when you start f---ing with peoples families.....
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

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    Senior Member Sidior's Avatar
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    sister belt man!! get on her
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  11. #11
    Banned KingJustin's Avatar
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    I think it's pretty normal for everyone to think they're in love when they have a first girlfriend. In most cases it's really just that they feel lonely all the time, then find someone they like and feel comfortable with, and then think it's that they love them. Maybe you're an exception...

    At any rate, I'd say get over it. You are not going to get this chick back and thinking about it or trying to is going to make you look/feel pathetic and going to make it hard to meet new girls. You've been lifting and getting into better shape, plus you have some experience in a relationship now. Start meeting new girls. Not all of them are psycho.

    And don't be an ******* to this girl. There's really no reason for it.

  12. #12
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidior
    sister belt man!! get on her
    lol.

    No shame at all sid!!
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  13. #13
    Senior Member betastas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidior
    sister belt man!! get on her

    or under.

    Beware old ex's. I am of the opinion that they can change, but usually don't.
    Last edited by betastas; 10-31-2006 at 12:36 PM.

  14. #14
    Smeagol on Steroids Mercuryblade's Avatar
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    Maybe she's gotten better....part of me worries she hasent changed at all and being friends with her might make me angry/jelous or maybe even liking her again.
    Just don't be an ass, but you don't have to be friends with her if you don't think it would be in your best interest until you are totally over her. You're definately not the only person I know who has been in a situation like this.
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    Senior Member Eszekial's Avatar
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    Just get over it. SHe's an ex and most likely will stay an ex. Just be nice, say hi, move on, and never think about it again.

    I think a lot of people go through this with their first. They get in it for the wrong reasons.
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  16. #16
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    I'm over her now, its not like I think about her or anything. I just hate when I run into her. Its get me thinking about everything that happened and gets me all pissed off/frustrated.

    The thing that really gets my face red (embarrasement/anger) is how fine she is about everything. It doesnt seem like she gives a second thought about what happened between us. I know in her mind it was long time ago and she could care less.......to her it was probably just a typical relationship gone bad.

    I dunno, I guess it was just different for me. I think I took the whole breakup MUCH harder then her (even though it was a mutual thing).

    She always told me to give her a call/let her know if I ever wanted to be friends with her. I think she is just hinting to me that she doesnt have a problem with me and if/when I'm ready to call her up.

    *shrugs*

    For some reason in my mind I take the friendly "hello" as a sarcastic slap in the face.......but I guess I just need to get over that my own damned self...
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  17. #17
    Senior Member Sensei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingJustin
    I think it's pretty normal for everyone to think they're in love when they have a first girlfriend. In most cases it's really just that they feel lonely all the time, then find someone they like and feel comfortable with, and then think it's that they love them.
    Exactly.

    Jordan,
    I don't know how you define 'love', but with the things you describe about her and your relationship with her, I don't see it. Love, IMHO, is about admiration, respect, shared values, and trust. I don't see that in anything you've posted here.
    I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I really believe you need to reframe how you look at this "first love". Maybe that will be all you need to start to feel better about it.
    A child does not learn to squat from the top down. In other words, he does not suddenly make a conscious decision one day to squat. Actually, he is squatting one day and make the conscious decision to stand. Squatting precedes standing in the developmental sequence. This is the way a child's brain learns to use the body as the child develops movement patterns. Therefore, a child is probably crawling, rocks back into a squatting position with the back completely relaxed and the hips completely flexed, and stands when he has enough hip strength. This approach makes a lot of sense and can be applied to relearning the deep squat movement if it is lost. -Gray Cook
    Lifting Clips: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=johnnymnemonic2
    Blog: http://squatrx.blogspot.com/

  18. #18
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sensei
    Exactly.

    Jordan,
    I don't know how you define 'love', but with the things you describe about her and your relationship with her, I don't see it. Love, IMHO, is about admiration, respect, shared values, and trust. I don't see that in anything you've posted here.
    I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I really believe you need to reframe how you look at this "first love". Maybe that will be all you need to start to feel better about it.
    it wasnt all like i posted.....it didnt start getting bad till the last month of our relationship. Up until then it was great, i'd do all the cheesy sweet things boyfriends do...i took her to prom, loved her family.....the whole nine yards. Things just got out of hand with both of us.

    Anyways, I saw her today AGAIN. I dont think she saw me though, but she still has a nice ass lol......haha. I was like daaamn. I had a good chuckle at it. Maybe next time I'll be nice and say hi.
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  19. #19
    Back in business WBBIRL's Avatar
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    I will admit that being the bigger person here will play better for you then being bitter, thats why your relationship ended and not letting that go to rest will only result in further pain on your part.

    As an update on my friend, it seems he took my advice and in less then one day shes acting like a completely different person. She did throw one fit when we went to see saw 3 because he wouldnt give her a piggy back ride to the car (which I would have, she didnt throw the fit to begin and being firm with her doesnt mean being an ass 100% of the time). She threw her fit for a good 10 min but eventually got back in the car and after the whole im not very happy with you right now BS she got over it.

  20. #20
    Wannabebig Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jordanbcool

    She always told me to give her a call/let her know if I ever wanted to be friends with her. I think she is just hinting to me that she doesnt have a problem with me and if/when I'm ready to call her up.
    I'm not the best person to give advice - but I think what this means is, you'll be o.k. in her circle of dickless fall back guys. She might break you out in case of emergency, but otherwise you are in cold storage.

    I'm not a Player by any means - maybe a strategy where you get into as many dickless fall back guy roles as possible will eventually pay off. Everyone has rainy days. On the other hand, if you start thinking of yourself as a dickless fallback guy, that's all you may ever be.

    I say, be polite, but take her off your card permanently. There are plenty of women out there and a hard body won't often hurt your case.

    I'd totally forget about the "no sex before marriage thing." I come from the conservative Christian background too but now I feel like it f*cked me up for no good reason and cost me a lot of good experiences which I wish I'd had now. I would not want to be with a woman who was going to be prudish about sex. Better to find that out up front.

    Just remember - "A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle." Don't get into a relationship that's wrong just to be in a relationship. One bit of advice I can give you that I know is good - do not enter into marriage lightly because divorce is a hell that can keep you in court for years. With today's divorce rates, the odds are not in your favor.

  21. #21
    Sword-Gentleman
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    I'll be very blunt and simple:

    Jordan, you seem like a very kind, compassionate, and sensitive young man. You sound like the type who would genuinely care about his girl, and care for her.

    Unfortunately though, sometimes things do not work out. People who may have genuine affections for, or may find ourselves growing close to, fall away or become something different.

    If you would want to be friends with her, do so. If you feel you are not yet ready for that yet, refrain. Also, you do not to have to become extremely close friends, either; so do not feel the pressure to do so.

    Additionally, try not to remember what you had too bitterly. Try to find something good to hold onto, to give you some hope.

    I assure you, the God I know and love has someone very, very special he plans for you to meet. Someone whom you can have all the good you did previous, but this time without all of the troubles. And, you will be able to go even deeper, and both of you will be able to connect on an even deeper level than before.

    Try to keep that alive, before you go giving up. He hears you, and has much still planned. Hold on to your virtues, and trust in the fact that all things will be fair, with wonderful surpsrises ahead.
    "The Way of the warrior is Resolute acceptance of Death."
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  22. #22
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    Good advice guys. Thanks alot!
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

  23. #23
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    i think it hurts you more cuz you were sincere and played along to the tunes she wanted you to. i know it's hard to move on cuz i have been there and done that. you should focus on different things like workout and hobbies. Also don't try to just date a girl. allow her to be ur friend and get comfortable before u start dating again. your trust is broken and needs repairing before u start off a new relationship.
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  24. #24
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WBBIRL
    She did throw one fit when we went to see saw 3 because he wouldnt give her a piggy back ride to the car ... She threw her fit for a good 10 min but eventually got back in the car and after the whole im not very happy with you right now BS she got over it.
    You need to convince your friend to get some balls about him and dump this girl. That is just ridiculous.
    quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur

  25. #25
    Is cutting down to 9% Jordanbcool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorge Sanchez
    You need to convince your friend to get some balls about him and dump this girl. That is just ridiculous.
    lol.....

    I know how it is though. One of my friends has a gf just like that. We all think its bull so we just make fun of her to her face. He doesnt care either because he knows its true. She tries to control him all the time, i dunno now that I think about it there relationship is pretty messed up. But they are the kind of people that dont have anyone else that would date them so they can't really leave the other.....

    haha
    Getting back in the groove
    "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." - Achilles, (Troy 2004)
    Stats
    ATF squat- 275 RAW
    Deadlift- 415
    Bench- Two 100lbs DB's four times
    190lbs 15% BF (Estimate)

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