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Thread: College, completely scared. Any advice?

  1. #1
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    College, completely scared. Any advice?

    Well the other day I woke up after spending the pevious night out with my gf. We talked about a lot including how college is going to be hard. Not just on me, but on us as a couple. Besides really making me sad, it got me thinking. How do other people deal with relationships while in college?

    I was also curious about how much different is college than high school? Ive had so many mixed messages. Some people state that college is just like high school except you pay for it. Others, including my advisors, say it will be my greatest challenge. If anyone could provide any insight, especially on the relationship thing, id appreciate it. Everything ive done up until now(tryin to get lean, strong, better conditioned, etc.) just seems so trivial.

    Thanks.
    Complication breeds desperation.

  2. #2
    Superman sharkall2003's Avatar
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    College isn't much of a challenge for me.

    Currently I'm in a relationship and my girlfriend and I go to different colleges. However, she only goes a town away and my college is close to hers. We set aside days to see one another. For us, it's Sunday. A day where we can go to Church, go out to eat, and just spend quality time together. It also helps that we lector at Church on the same days, too. I have to do a lot of commuting if I want to see her during the week, and it gets expensive. But if the two of you are willing to compromise here and there, and work at your relationship then there won't be a problem. This is assuming that you both genuinely care for one another and won't become attracted to other people.

    Most of the time, if I don't see the girlfriend it's because I am indeed working, going to school or lifting. I don't find lifting to be trivial. My body, mind, and spirit must be at peak condition in order for me to keep other relationships healthy. Once you understand that inner peace and strength has to come first, you'll then notice that relationships are stronger. Being committed to yourself is a lifelong thing. With commitment to yourself, you will be more committed to others and shared goals (lifelong relationships).

    College is not as hard, nor as difficult on relationships (unless you're very far away from one another) as people make it out to be. There are many military personnel that are in Iraq that don't see loved ones for 12-15 months, yet when they come back they still hit it off very well. To the contrary, though, some don't work. Let time take it's place. It's more about commitment, than distance.
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  3. #3
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    Con, this is exactly what is happening with me and my girlfriend..

    she is going to be about 50 minutes to an hour away, we dont want to talk about it until around august and she leaves the 24th, we want to be together for the summer.

    it really depresses me, bad, because its my first girlfriend ever, and im her first BF ever, i dont want it to end.

    id listen to allens advice!
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  4. #4
    back at it Beast's Avatar
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    I would break it off unless you're less than an hour away from her like sharkall and stumpy. Honestly. I don't know anyone whose high school relationship lasted during college.

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  5. #5
    Who me? Chubrock's Avatar
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    My gf and I have been dating for 2yrs now and we go to school 2hrs away from each other. We both have very busy schedules but still see each other on the weekends, when we can. It may be tough, but if you and your gf are serious about each other, it won't be TOO bad.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member BilltheButcher's Avatar
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    Break up. I may be sounding like a d!ck, but your going to be entering a world of alcohol, temptation and inhibition.

    Take it from someone a lot older then you, I'm married, have two kids, and I've been around the block many, many times. Ya, its gonna hurt breaking up, but after the first month in college you'll forget her name. I dated a girl for 3 years in college, ya she's a great girl but i'm not married to her and i missed out on many relationships and memories i would have made if we weren't together.
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  7. #7
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    You will have a lot of free time in college, even if you are working. Last semester I worked full time, took 12 credits, and still saw my girlfriend 2-3 times a week.

    I suggest not keeping her around though. You may meet new people want fool around and test the waters. That is my problem. Inside I'm really a hebitch.

  8. #8
    back at it Beast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BilltheButcher View Post
    I dated a girl for 3 years in college, ya she's a great girl but i'm not married to her and i missed out on many relationships and memories i would have made if we weren't together.
    :withstupi

    Trust us who have gone through it already.
    Last edited by Beast; 06-07-2007 at 09:05 AM.

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  9. #9
    Bear Grylls Jr. stallion's Avatar
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    Beast, Bill...

    If you don't mind my asking, why did your (quite lengthy) college relationships end?

  10. #10
    Super Moderator RBB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beast View Post
    I would break it off unless you're less than an hour away from her like sharkall and stumpy. Honestly. I don't know anyone whose high school relationship lasted during college.
    this is good advice. these types of things never work out. you'll waste a lot of time and energy trying to make it work when you should be out having a good time. you're a young guy, have some fun and make the most of your college experience.


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  11. #11
    Senior Member Sidior's Avatar
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    My gf and I had been dating a year when we both went to university. We ended up at the same school based on scholarship money and continued dating. First year was rough as hell but we will have been dating for 4 years come the fall. I could not be happier with her, but looking back I know for a fact if we were at different schools we would have broken up and it would have been the right choice.
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  12. #12
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    Thanks to everyone who replied. I appreciate it.

    Im actually surprised at the responses that said to break it off right away. Ive known my girlfriend for years before we got together, and I dont know If I could go to her and say "It's over, im not even going to try and make it work". I truly care for her, despite our short time as a true couple. Maybe its just my opinion, but I think id rather try and make it work than say **** it say im gonna have fun drinking partying and screwing around(NOTE: I dont drink at all, and party occasionally).

    Regardless, Ill take everyone advice into consideration, because Im sure everone was genuine in their response. Thanks again.
    Complication breeds desperation.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Sidior's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Con View Post
    Thanks to everyone who replied. I appreciate it.

    Im actually surprised at the responses that said to break it off right away. Ive known my girlfriend for years before we got together, and I dont know If I could go to her and say "It's over, im not even going to try and make it work". I truly care for her, despite our short time as a true couple. Maybe its just my opinion, but I think id rather try and make it work than say **** it say im gonna have fun drinking partying and screwing around(NOTE: I dont drink at all, and party occasionally).

    Regardless, Ill take everyone advice into consideration, because Im sure everone was genuine in their response. Thanks again.
    Chances are you will drink and party alot more once you get to university. Girlfriend or not, enjoy your first year and have a blast.
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  14. #14
    Breaker of Skulls Guido's Avatar
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    You can still be friends, but just keep in mind that long distance relationships are hard on both parties, and rarely if ever work. You'd be so much better off in your mindset and in your experience at college if you broke it up, or went in with an understanding that you have an "open relationship" than if you try to stay together. I guarantee you are going to meet women in college, lots of fine fine women. Don't ruin it for yourself. There's a lot to be said for proximity.
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  15. #15
    Senior Member BilltheButcher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stallion View Post
    Beast, Bill...

    If you don't mind my asking, why did your (quite lengthy) college relationships end?
    I must say she was pretty attractive and always had guys hitting on her. Well these group of guys come up with a big story and get some girl to go along with it that I have been cheating on her. She confronted me about it, I said it was BS and we stayed together but she started being real jealous after that and it was impossible to deal with. She ended up going to grad school in AZ and it was time to break up and when I did it was the greatest thing that happened to me. I never really knew what I was missing and all the guilt free fun.

    Ya, it seems like you are in love now and everything is great, but come back in 6 months and let us know if you are together. I hope you guys get married and have tons of kids, but I'd put money on it that you'll be broken up in 6 months.
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  16. #16
    Team Chesticles! Unholy's Avatar
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    I broke up with my girlfriend to **** hot drunk and usually horny sorority girls.
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  17. #17
    back at it Beast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stallion View Post
    Beast, Bill...

    If you don't mind my asking, why did your (quite lengthy) college relationships end?
    My experience isn't the same as the OP's. I broke up with my gf in high school before I went to college because I knew that I was too young to have a relationship like that. Also, I was going to be several states away.

    I met a girl back home during the summer between my sophomore and junior years. We tried to keep it going when I was away at school, but it got incredibly boring/annoying to call her every night and ask her how her day was, especially since we ended up having almost the exact same conversation every night. I also abstained from going out to parties because I knew it made her uncomfortable (mainly because she wasn't a party girl herself). It was also weird coming home to see her after not seeing her for 3 or 4 months. This lasted for almost 2 semesters before it was time to break it off.

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    Maybe I should have noted that this will not be a long distance relationship. Im going to an in-state college and will be in relative driving distance of my girlfriend. Another thing to note is im a boring ass kid. ID much rather chill at home hangin out with come close fam(like my cool ass uncle) than go out and live up the "night life". Maybe its time for me to open up my horizons but maybe not. Like I said before gotta think about it. Im definately going to talk with my gf tonight.
    Complication breeds desperation.

  19. #19
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    My girlfriend is a 18 hour plane ride away right now. 1.6 years. Each summer she goes home and I don't see her for 2-3 months. I wish I had the balls to brake it off, but I still love her. After being apart for 3 weeks, when I broke up with her things got a lot better when we went back out for a second try.

    But shes far away, and I missed out of a threesome because I have a girlfriend. Don't be a idiot, be single in college.

    I will now go cry.

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    You know how people sometimes will ask a question like "If you could go back in time and change the things you did in your life, what would they be"?

    Don't make this one of those times you would change something you did.
    There is a reason that 90% of the responses are telling you to break it off, or just be friends...and go to college single.

    You only get one shot at this, and I can't stess enough how many hot ass girls there are out there. And just because you don't drink, doesn't mean they won't be.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by muscleup View Post
    You know how people sometimes will ask a question like "If you could go back in time and change the things you did in your life, what would they be"?

    Don't make this one of those times you would change something you did.
    There is a reason that 90% of the responses are telling you to break it off, or just be friends...and go to college single.

    You only get one shot at this, and I can't stess enough how many hot ass girls there are out there. And just because you don't drink, doesn't mean they won't be.
    Not to come off like a complete dick head, but i have to ask. WTF does some bitch drinking have to do with me? I have resisted drinkin all throughout high school with no problem, but ive still had my fair share of fun. While my friends who had the times of their lives are barely making it out of high school with a plan. Again, just had to get that out.

    And again, maybe im being kind of reluctant to change, especially about someone I feel strongly about, and maybe I thought more people would advocate working at it, then plain saying break it off, but its just seems hard and almost immoral to do something like that.
    Complication breeds desperation.

  22. #22
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Let him be boys, he will just be giving the same advice when someone askes him this question 3-4 years down the road.

  23. #23
    I love lamp. Blanche_Soprano's Avatar
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    If you are both in a serious, committed relationship and are willing to put as much time, money, and energy you have into making this work, then do it. If you have any doubts at all in your mind, tell her you want to take it easy for awhile and want to have some space to find out how you fit into your school.

    You will do some growing and changing in college and that can take a serious toll on your relationships (friends and girlfriends/boyfriends). You will be tempted by other women, because it is a new set of bodies you've never seen before. Again, if you really are serious about your girl, you won't give in to those temptations. But if something does happen, it might be your hint that you should try out being single for awhile.

    Most of my friends who had serious relationships before leaving for college are all either engaged or living with their significant other. It does work out. Of course there will be good times and horrible times, but they wanted to make it work and so they did. The only hs relationships that didn't work in college were the ones that never seemed serious to begin with.

    Maybe my friends and myself are different than the responses you have here. I didn't go out, get drunk, and sleep with every guy I saw when I got to college. I avoided the party scene, because I think it is stupid. I only drank with my friends and I have always refused to sleep with random guys. Not everybody at school is going to be the stereotypical drunk, horny college student, so find those people and they will encourage your relationship.
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  24. #24
    Who me? Chubrock's Avatar
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    Nice post Blanche.

    Fuck, fight, or hold the light.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Sensei's Avatar
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    I didn't read the other responses, but here's my advice:

    My wife and I were in a long-distance situation a lot of the time we were dating. It worked out, but it was damn hard. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

    Study your ass off. Make studying the priority - that's what you're there for. Get together with your girlfriend when you can, but don't skip classes or fail to create a new support group at school because you are taking every chance you can to leave town and see your gf.

    Have the wisdom to know when to end the relationship with your girlfriend if (heaven forbid) things get bad. There's nothing worse than dragging out a bad relationship that has no future. I'm not saying your relationship is going to end up like that, I'm just sayin'...
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